a/n I just found this on my computer the other day and refurbished and polished it a little and now it is an actual oneshot… so hopefully you'll enjoy…

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own...

Pain and Regret… my old friends

Veronica-

I slowly walked up to the building trying to hide in the shadows. I knew I had the option of just walking straight in during the daytime, but considering what I was going to do I didn't want anyone seeing me.

I slipped open the window and crawled inside. I slipped my shirt off and turned on a few lights. I saw all the equipment and decided to start with the punching bag. They are supposed to let you get your aggression out. And after today, with Logan… well let's just say I needed this. Dad always said I should try to learn self-defense which I'm kind of doing.

I grabbed two small wraps for my hands and pressed play on my ipod. I stretched and walked over to the punching bag.

I hit it once testing myself. Then again with more power. Whore! Slut!

I pounded into it remembering the taunts I received.

How would you feel, now that you've got nothing left to live for, about just rolling yourself off?

Hitting faster remembering Cassidy and everything that came with his memory.

He took everything from me.

Mac on the ground helpless pushed me harder.

Underwear on the floor.

No I punched harder not wanting to remember.

The burn of vodka down my throat.

My hands burned, but the pain felt good.

Salt lick.

Pain. It was supposed to keep away the memories!

Why don't you go see the wizard? Ask him for some backbone.

No, if I hit harder and faster it'll go away.

Well lads lets see how much damage we can do in the next two minutes.

No he hadn't hurt me. 'Stop thinking about this Veronica just hit.'

Let's fix that hair of yours. Oh come back here Veronica.

No. I hurt him. He's in jail just don't stop!

WHERE ARE THE TAPES VERONICA!

You didn't tell him where they were. He's dead. Work harder. I feel heat on my face and realize I'm crying.

Locked in a freezer unable to breath.

I try to stop the tears, but I hear a noise and I realize it's me. I, Veronica Mars, am whimpering.

if you need anything…but you never need anything

He was wrong I realize feeling my body slump forward without my permission. Before I can stop myself I'm on the floor sobbing and yelling trying to resist the idea of pulling my hair out to try to stop the agony that I was letting out. He'd been more than wrong my heart tells me as memories and regret and guilt take over me. There was nothing more in this world I needed right now than the one person who had come back time and time again until I had finally pushed him away one too many times and now that he was I finally realized that I needed him, and it was too late. So now all I had to hold onto was the regrets that filled me and the tears that covered my face, and the worst part was it was all my fault.