Just Hold My Hand and Don't Ever Drop It is a prequel of sorts to this. It's not necessary to read, it just kind of sets up Spencer's mind frame here. So much has happened to this girl in such a short period of time... POOR ANGEL BABY SPENCER.
I am 110% sure this WON'T happen in 5B, but it COULD happen, if that makes any sense at all. This is canon up through the end of 5A. And fair warning, because this is canon, I'm finally being forced to include Aria in a story. I do not LIKE Aria, so I will probably not write her well. But I shall give it my best effort, lol.
This is shorter. I have a few chapters done, but I don't plan on updating this one as quickly. Mostly because I want to hear your theories and give you time to digest it. Right now you can expect a twice a week update. However, I wasn't supposed to start this until I finished Can't Drown My Demons. Just call me inspired. So don't expect SUPER quick updates until that's done, because it is still my priority as of right now.
I also have a question for you guys. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I do think my writing has gotten a lot better over the past year, and I'm considering going back through and deleting some of my old stories. Are there any you'd be upset to see go away?
THIS IS GOING TO BE TYPICAL OF MY USUAL STORIES. You guys know that I like writing sad, and this WILL BE SAD. This chapter not so much, but the pain is coming. You've been warned. Like I'm talking potential character death/life ruining consequences. Because let's be honest. -A's a psycho.
This chapter is from Spencer's POV, but the rest of the story will almost entirely be from Toby's. This is for reasons that will become obvious in a few.
THIS IS SUPER LOOSELY BASED ON A BOOK I READ ONCE. But as the book title will spoil the main plot of this to anyone who's read it, I will share the title of the book in the last chapter.
OKAY. Read and review. PLEASE let me know where you think I'm going with this :)
Chapter 1
SPOV
The Party
It doesn't feel safe anymore. It used to be my refuge, but my safe place. But now I can't help but feel that the walls have eyes. He's watching my every move, and I don't know his end game. I'm scared.
Her eyes drooped as she scrolled through her PDFs of Alison's journal. She didn't know why, but she had a gut feeling that the answers that they were after were somewhere inside. -A had stolen it and taken the time to mislead them by changing the words. That bitch didn't do anything idly, she didn't do a single thing without a purpose. The diary held the answers, she was absolutely certain of it.
She eyed the can of peanuts on her desk corner, no doubt a clever ploy by her boyfriend. Ever since she almost passed out in his arms last week he had been semi-maniacal about making her eat. But he couldn't be with her every hour of the day. It wasn't that she was purposely avoiding food, but she just didn't think to eat. She had other things on her mind, namely ending this nightmare for all of them.
"Spencer!"
She jumped at the unexpected voice. She had never liked being snuck up on, a byproduct of Melissa's childhood habit of pranking her younger sister, but the past two years of torment only increased that aversion. "What's up, Aria?" She cringed at the exhaustion in her voice, but she knew that Aria wouldn't notice.
She loved the pixie sized brunette to death, but she probably wouldn't notice if Spencer lost an arm. She wasn't dumb, she was just a bit self-absorbed, and not in a bad way. In a way that made it obvious that she would survive anything, because she would put her own well-being first. Spencer sincerely wished she could be like that, but she was cursed with an overwhelming sense of empathy. She wasn't pulling grueling all nighter after grueling all nighter for her own benefit. Her friends deserved their lives back just as much as she did, if not more.
Aria gave her a look that suggested she lost her mind. "Did you forget that we're-"
"Shit," the uncharacteristic curse slipped her lips. "Meeting Em and Hanna at the Brew. Give me five minutes." She gestured to the bed with her head and headed to her closet. Usually she liked to look put together, but today she was just going to have to cause a semi-scandal by high school standards and dress casually. Maybe the plebeians who attended Rosewood High would believe she had an early morning yoga class and forgot her gym bag. She pulled on a pair of fitted jeans and a simple white t shirt. She tied her hair in a quick messy, emphasis on the word messy, bun, grabbed her bag, and turned back to Aria. "Sorry, you ready?"
She nodded and tossed her pack back over her back. "So, I talked to Ezra yesterday."
Spencer couldn't help but think that Aria's obvious attempt to redeem their former teacher was a horrendous idea, but she wouldn't interfere with her friend's love life. Some could say that she made a bad decision by taking Toby back after his brief jaunt into -A team induced insanity, but she knew there was nothing further from the truth. Toby's presence in her life was the only thing that sustained her. "What happened with that?"
"He just apologized profusely, and tried to explain again. I know what he did was wrong, but was it really unforgivable wrong? I just- I don't know." She frowned and ran a hand through her thick hair. "I love him, you know? He's- I just don't think I'll ever love anyone like I love Ezra. But I don't know if I can ever trust him again."
She paused, having to collect her thoughts before she could even attempt to impartially answer her. "I can't tell you what to do, Aria. I'm sure Ezra's being sincere, but that doesn't really change what he did. But what he did probably doesn't really change how you feel about him. Trust me, I do know a thing or two about that." She doesn't like to think about early November. It had been nearly a month since she found out the truth about Toby, but God, when she thought too hard about what he did it still stung. She forgave him, and she trusted him implicitly. She knew he only did it to protect her, but it was basically the worst, most impulsive decision he could have made. She didn't need protection, she just needed him.
"How did you-" she paused and shook her head. "Nevermind."
"How did I forgive Toby?" She had known Aria for almost her entire life. She knew what she was going to ask. At Aria's nod she bit her lip and thought about how to answer. "The thing about Toby is that when he tells you the truth you just believe him," she echoed Alison's words from New York. "I knew he was telling me the truth when he told me he was doing it to protect me. It was stupid, impulsive, and he's just- he's an idiot. He could have gotten himself killed. But I don't think that anyone has ever put me first like that before, and I couldn't help but fall a little more in love with him in the process." She was being a little more candid than she usually would, and her feminist side cringed at her admitting she liked being rescued, but Aria needed to hear it. "He did literally take a bullet for us, Aria."
She nodded thoughtfully as they entered the Brew. "Don't tell them about this, okay?"
They didn't really need any more secrets between the four of them, but she nodded anyway. There was no doubt in her mind that the entire world saw that Ezra and Aria would end up together. It was just a matter of time before Aria worked out how to forgive him.
"You bitches are so late!" Hanna really needed to work out that bitches wasn't exactly a term of endearment.
"Spencer was on her computer," Aria defended. "Probably working on an AP French presentation or something."
She finished French last year. And she finished her Spanish project weeks ago. But she didn't really want to let the girls know about her intensive investigation either; not until she had something concrete to give them. "Just homework," she agreed. "Time got away from me."
A large hand clamped on her shoulder, but she didn't have to turn around to know it was Toby. The girls' indulgent smiles and the fact that he lived upstairs were key indicators, but honestly, she was sure she would know Toby if she was blind folded. Her heart would know. She turned around with a smile. His face was more solemn than hers, but a ghost of a smile appeared on his features. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
She hesitated and looked at the girls. Emily waved her away, "Get out of here."
"Yeah," Hanna laughed. "You two are so cute you're going to give me a cavity, and I have no intention of going back to the dentist any time soon." She shuddered dramatically. Hanna had been through so much lately, it was nice to see her heading back for normal. After her stupid games with the pills it really wasn't her place to give anyone advice on addictive substances, but Hanna had really scared her with the alcohol. She was pretty sure some of this nonchalant behavior was to hid her true feelings about Mona's passing, but whatever it was it was progress.
She smiled tiredly and turned back to her boyfriend. He pulled her up with persistent hands and led her over to a table in a quiet corner. There was a coffee and a pastry waiting for her. She looked at him questioningly. He shrugged unapologetically in response. "I saw you before you saw me and decided to be proactive. This way I know you had breakfast."
She would have protested, but she actually hadn't had breakfast. Or dinner for that matter. She had been too busy deciphering a particularly cryptic page of Ali's diary. She supposed she could just ask the blonde what it meant, but she didn't trust a word she said anymore. But for the life of her she couldn't figure out why home was changed to party in a story about feeling safe, unless it was really pointing to Mrs. D as being -A. But that didn't make sense, because she was dead and they were still receiving -A messages. Maybe Ali just suspected her mom, but that didn't explain why -A changed it.
"Spence?" He had a exasperated amusement on his face. He never stayed angry when he looked at her, but sometimes she wished that he would. He had gone through so much in his short life, much more than she had, and she hated to be another source of pain toward him. She wished that he would tell her off when she hurt him, because then at least he had stood up for himself.
"Sorry," she mumbled, breaking off a small piece of the chocolate scone. She didn't remember telling him that this was her favorite pastry, but somehow he knew. He always knew.
"Are you alright?" He tilted his head to the side to study her face. "You look really tired."
And that's why she shouldn't have been surprised that he was the only one who noticed the pronounced bags under her eyes, or at least he was the only one that cared enough to question her well-being. "I was just up late."
"Doing what?" He reached across the table and put one of his hands on top of hers.
Her heart jumped at the contact, almost embarrassingly. They had been dating for over a year, you would think that her heart would have calmed down at his touches, but apparently not. She took another bite of the scone, hoping that she would think of a logical explanation in the time that it took for her to chew the bite. "I was just doing some research."
He groaned and took her other hand. "Spence, it's not safe for you to sleuth on your own. I don't care if it's just on your computer. Who knows what -A is capable of?"
"I know, okay? But I can't live like this anymore." She took one of her hands back, but couldn't bear to part from him completely.
He squeezed her fingers gently. "I know that, Spence. But-"
She shook her head. "But nothing! Toby, I want a normal life! I want to be able to go on a date with you and not worry that it will be ruined by a failed intervention for our friend or an emergency. I don't want to weigh what it's safe to tell you in my mind. I don't want to be afraid to sleep in my own house! I want a life, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it."
"Shh," he scooted around the table and sat next to her, smoothing her hair back. "Hey, I'm sorry. That's not what I'm saying. Just let me come over to help, okay?"
She hesitated, and he immediately read her thought process. "And don't you dare spend another minute worrying about my safety, Spencer. If it's not safe for me to know than it's even less safe for you to keep it to yourself. I'll come over after school, and if my only task is to rub your shoulders and fetch you bottles of water I'm fine with that, okay?"
God, she loved him. She leaned in and kissed him more passionately than was probably appropriate for a public setting, and she didn't care at all. She loved him for than she ever loved anyone, and she didn't care who knew it. When they broke apart for air, instead of pulling away she rested her head against his collar bone and closed her eyes, the steady sound of his beating heart relaxing her more than anything else. She didn't know much, but what she did know was that as long as that heart was beating she would be fine.
One of his hands got lost in her hair, cradling her head against her chest, and the other ran up and down her back, tracing soft, soothing patterns along the bumps of her spine. "I love you," he breathed. And he didn't say it like it was something rehearsed. It was like it was something he felt so deeply he couldn't keep it to himself any longer.
"I love you too, Toby."
She wasn't sure how long they sat like that for, but eventually he sighed, and pulled away, running his hands down her arms until they came in contact with her hands. He took both of them and squeezed them gently. "I need to get to work."
She nodded, but didn't speak. She wasn't ready to let him go, and judging by the reluctance in his eyes, he wasn't too excited about the prospect either. "Don't dwell on this -A stuff today, okay? Try to have a good day at school, and I'll meet you at your house as soon as I'm off, okay? Will your parents be there?"
"Probably not before you get there, but they'll be there by dinner," she murmured.
He nodded and kissed her forehead. "Lock the door then. I'll call you once I'm there." He sighed and stood. "I need to get going. I'm working with Sweeny's brother today, and I honestly think that even Sweeny's afraid of him."
She let him lead her back to the girls, her coffee still in hand. He kissed her a final time, lingering a bit longer than he usually might have. "Stay safe today, baby."
"You too," she whispered, for some reason feeling extra emotional.
He looked as reluctant to leave her as she felt about letting him go, but eventually he pulled her closer for a second before letting her go entirely and walking through the door. She sat down on her chair, something Toby had said bothering her. But she couldn't quite grasp it.
"Spence, you still with us?"
Hanna snorted. "Nope, morning kissy time with her boyfriend turned her brain to mush."
"Sorry," she mumbled. "What are you talking about?"
"I was just wondering what you thought about Mike and Mona."
She frowned, remembering Aria's brother's reaction to seeing his girlfriend's body. She might not have been his ideal match, but it was obvious that he loved her.
But that's when it hit her. Brother. Brother.
"I honestly think that even Sweeny's afraid of his brother."
She stood up. "I forgot my French book at home. I'll meet you guys at school."
And without another word she left the Brew and hurried down the street to her house. Brother. Brother. It was so obvious, but she didn't want to think it. Not after everything she shared with him, every time she had his back. She thought she finally found a family member that was like her, but maybe that wasn't the case. Maybe he was just assimilating... trying to get close to her for a twisted game.
Because Mrs. DiLaurentis wasn't the only person living in that house. Jason was there the summer she disappeared to. But she was unwilling to throw her brother under the bus on a hunch. She needed proof. And the best lead she had when it came to Jason was his fake stint in rehab. Dean had already told her that his particular facility was shut down, but she just had to see it writing. She had to see the proof. Because so much had happened while Jason was supposed to be in rehab. He certainly had the time, resources, and motive to hurt them... to hurt Ali. But she didn't want to believe it of him. Not of the brother that she had grown to love.
But the more she thought about it the more it made sense. Mrs. D was covering for someone, and honestly, who made sense other than Jason? They were always reaching with their Bethany theories. Sometimes the most simple solution was the right one. But he had comforted her. He had had her back. He understood her in a way that no one else ever had. Was it all an act to get close to her?
She took the stairs two a time, too eager to reach her room to focus on anything else. But as soon as she opened her door she wished that she would have. Because she wouldn't have swung open her door to reveal the slouching figure of Jason DiLaurentis in a black hoodie. She would have noticed the broken window in the living room that he used to enter her house. He frown at the sight of her and stood up. "When I saw you leave your friends so abruptly I knew you figured it out."
She stayed in the door frame, not believing that what she was seeing was her reality. It couldn't be real. "It's always been you? All this time?"
"Not the whole time," he said. "I was -A for Ali before she faked her death, but Mona really was -A for awhile. I came to her when she was in Radley and took the game over from her. She was sick, and I needed a pawn."
"Why?" She whispered, taking a minuscule step back. She needed to get away. She needed to get out of here before he started whatever plan he had for her. Because he wouldn't be here unless he had a sinister end game.
"I thought that it would draw my sister out. And it did. You girls were never my target, just collateral damage."
"Then why are you here now?" She regretted the question as soon as it came back, knowing it would hasten his end game.
He frowned, stepping toward her. "Yeah, I'm sorry about this. But I can't let you get ruin this before I'm done."
She took another step back, staying out of reach. "Jason, I-"
But her words trailed off into a surprised shriek as he lunged for her, wrapping an arm around her waist and throwing her hard into her wall of trophies. "I just did this with Mona a few days ago, I didn't expect to have to do it again so soon."
She touched a hand to her forehead, wincing at the contact and the blood. "Jason, my friends know where I am. They'll be coming."
He rolled his eyes and picked her up by her hair, shoving her body into her book shelf. "J-jason-" she gasped, the pain starting to get to her.
"I don't want to do this, Spencer," he grabbed a trophy from the ground and smacked her hard across the face with it. "I really don't. But I need to finish what I started, and you knowing doesn't let that happen."
He grabbed her by the arm, and yanked her down the hall, periodically slamming her into the wall as the went along, shoving her into shelves. It took her a minute, but she realized that his current goal wasn't to hurt her. It was to make a mess and to smear the blood the was flowing down her face onto the walls. "P-please," she stuttered. "Just- let me help you." They were nearing the stairs, and she knew that that couldn't mean anything good for her. "Alison got me arrested. I don't want anything good for her either."
He chuckled bitterly and grabbed her other arm so she was forced to look at him. "You and lover boy tried that fake joining thing on me a few weeks ago, remember? It's not going to work again." His face softened. "I really am sorry, Spencer," he said softly before letting her go and shoving her hard.
It felt like she was air born for a second, until she wasn't. Her head, her body, slammed into the hard wood floor of every step. Over and over again. She didn't know what was was up and what was down. All she knew was pain.
And then it stopped. She came to a stop, and she couldn't move. She wanted to crawl away, especially as she heard his footsteps behind her, but the best that she could do was halfheartedly grab at the bottom of the front door, just out of her reach.
Before she even knew what was happening his hands were on her again, but she didn't really hurt anymore. She kind of felt numb. She felt him throw her again. She heard the crunch of the coffee table breaking beneath her, but she didn't feel it. She didn't feel anything. The edges of her vision were blackening, but before she passed out she saw the glint of a knife. Her last thoughts were of Toby, and how if Jason was going to kill her, she sincerely hoped that her parents got home to find her body before he came over.
