Disclaimer: Don't own the X-men, make no money, just fun.
Author's note: silly, stupid, inane, asinine, frivolous, absurd, idiotic, pointless, daft, dumb, witless, ludicrous, ridiculous…consider yourself warned!
Would You Hire this Guy?
Christmas was fast approaching and time was running out for Logan to do his Christmas shopping. Trying to find something extra special for Jubilee this year, since she had gone all out for him last year, was proving to be difficult. Overhearing something about wanting a Playstation 2, Logan decided to go out and get her one. What he discovered was that most places were sold out and would not be getting them in before Christmas.
But luck was on his side today and at one of the stores he checked out, the guy behind the counter, a shady looking fellow, told him he could get him one in for him special. It was only going to cost him $800. Logan just about choked. Where was he going to get that much money, especially since he had picked out an expensive locket for Jean (he knew it was going to piss off Scott royally, what could be better than that?).
It became obvious, if he was going to get the girls in his life the kind of gifts he wanted to buy them he needed to find work and fast.
After returning to the mansion from shopping, Logan began to flip through the yellow pages until he found an ad for a placement agency and called them up.
**Agency Office**
Logan sat in the waiting area of the agency office, his palms already starting to sweat. He had never had an interview like this, at least none he could remember. Picking up a magazine off the table he flipped through it. Not exactly reading, more just for something to do with his hands. Finally someone came to collect him.
" Good afternoon Mr. Logan would you please come with me." Said a pleasant looking secretary who then led him down a hall to a small office. Inside, there was another attractive woman sitting behind a large wooden desk. She stood and spoke.
"Hello Mr. Logan please come in and sit down." She raised her hand to indicate the chair in front of the desk.
After entering the room, Logan sat down while the woman gathered some forms and papers in front of her in preparation to record the interview. Logan had been through battles where it had not been certain if he would make it out alive, but this interview was freaking him out.
"Ok Mr. Logan I understand you have come to us to help you find employment. Why don't we start with what kind of work are you looking for." She said poised with a pen and paper to record his answer.
" I just want something so I can have a little extra cash for Christmas." Logan said praying that that was the right answer.
"So something just temporary then, well that narrows it down. Now Mr. Logan I need to ask a series of questions to find out what sort of work you are suited for."
"Ok." Logan replied more nervous than ever.
She rummaged though a pile of papers until she found what she was looking for "I just need to fill out this form first. What is your name?"
"Logan" He replied confident in another right answer.
"Oh, there must have been some confusion with the secretary, I have that as your last name. What is your last name?" she asked quickly erasing what she had written.
"Well actually my last name is Logan. I think." He said looking up uncomfortably like the answer may be on the ceiling somewhere.
The woman just looked at him not sure what to say. Finally she said the inevitable. "So it's Logan Logan?"
"No just Logan." He said, not quite sure what she couldn't understand.
The woman had had frustrating interviews before but not at the very first question. She resigned herself to continue, preparing herself for 'one of those days'. "What should I write for a first name then?"
"How about Jim?" Logan answered. He had used that alias before but he couldn't remember the situation.
" That's fine. Let's go on to the next question. Date and place of birth?"
Logan smiled, he knew she was not going to be happy with that answer either but what could he do " Well that's an interesting but very long story. The bottom line is…. I don't know that either. I think I might be Canadian."
She smiled and leaned forward " Why am I not surprised?" and just continued as if the answer was completely normal. "Let's just put, oh I don't know…you look like a Scorpio." She said giving him a good once over that actually made Logan more than a little uncomfortable. "Why don't I make it November 11 1966?" she wasn't really waiting for an answer as she was writing it as she spoke.
"You say you may be Canadian? Are you permitted to work in the US? Do you have a green card? Do you have running water up there? No doot aboot it! Where's your toque?" Then she burst out laughing like she had said the funniest thing in the world.
"Huh?" Logan was confused but decided to continue and answer the question to the best of his ability. "I am permitted to work in the US, I can easily get papers if you need them."
She quickly calmed down, wiped the tears from her eyes and continued.
"Alright, now let's talk about your references." She seemed already in anticipation of another difficult answer.
"References?" Logan lifted an eyebrow and gave a sheepish grin.
"Yes. Who was your last or present boss?" Her patients were starting to wane but it was bearable only because the guy in front of her was extremely attractive.
"Well, I guess that would be Scott. He is the team leader." Logan speculated.
"Ok, so what would he have to say about you? About your interpersonal skills for example?"
Logan thought hard for a moment before speaking "Umm. Can I pick someone else?"
"Why don't we just skip that one then. What are your greatest strengths?"
Logan now smiled a toothy grin, 'here we go' he thought. "Well, I have a skeleton laced with the unbreakable metal adamantium, I have three razor sharp claws in each hand, I have incredibly keen senses, I am an expert in numerous martial arts techniques, and I heal very quickly."
"Well that's very impressive! I guess we don't have to worry about you taking any sick days, huh?" She said leaning back in the chair to get a full view of him " and what are your greatest weaknesses?"
"Well I have a berserker rage and I constantly have to keep it in check or I may revert to a vicious animal state" Logan was deadly serious as he spoke this time.
"Ah, it's too bad you weren't in here last week. We had a position at the post office." She said with a disappointed tone.
"Damn!" Logan responded.
The woman went back to her notes and quickly scanned them again. " Ok I have just one more question for you. How would you best describe yourself?"
Logan again smiled he knew the right answer for this one too " I'm the best at what I do!" he said and sat back feeling very happy with the way this interview turned out.
The woman just sat with her hands clasp on her desk, staring at the strange man in front of her "Rrrighhhhht."
Finally she broke out of her disbelief and composed herself back to her previous professional manner. She had had harder cases than this. "Well Mr. Logan I think we may have something for you."
Logan sat up straight in anticipation.
She shot him a sideways glance and said, "Would you be interested in being an exotic dancer? I think you'd be great!"
Logan didn't like the look in her eye or the way she was licking her lips. She looked like she might jump the desk and ravage him. Quickly he answered " NO! No I don't think I'd like that."
A disappointed look crossed her face at the knowledge that she would not get to see him with his clothes off. "Too bad, I think you would have been good. Are you sure? You'd make a lot of tips."
"I'm sure! What else ya got?"
"Well, with your healing abilities and martial arts I was thinking you could be a stunt double for Jackie Chan but you're just too short and hairy."
"Huh?" Logan had no idea what the hell she was talking about; Jackie Chan does his own stunts.
"Ok" she said as she grabbed a well-worn file out of her desk. "I have three positions to which you may be suited. Let's see here…one… a school bus driver for an all girl private high school, two…selling slicer/dicer appliances on infomercials or three… working in the complaints department for the WB network, it seems they are getting a lot of complaints about their Saturday morning cartoon line up."
Logan sat completely dejected. "That's all ya got?!"
"Well if you don't like any of those there is always a job as a mall Santa." she said and continued " Which one do you want?"
Ok readers: Here's the participation part of the show. What job should Logan take? Or can you think of a better one?
Chapter two…The Job
Note: No offence intended with regards to the jobs listed.
