DISCLAIMER: i dont own TVD nor do i make anything for writing this, its completely for fun only.

DISCLAIMER 2: this is completely AU/AR

It started with cheerios.

I always knew that I loved my best friend he was everything that I could possibly want in a guy. But it wasn't just one of those friendship loves either, I was head over heels madly in love with him, and I couldn't tell him. He had been my best friend since the first day in third grade when he pushed over Tyler Lockwood after he stole my Barbie from me. Two days later and I decided that I was going to marry him when I was older. But of course what did I know, I was a little kid. A week after I decided I would marry him I kissed him, yup I knocked him to the floor during recess and kissed him. Instead of gaining the guy that I liked though, I gained a best friend. But that's not where we start, nope we start with cheerios.

"I want cheerios." He turned to look at me on the couch cocking one of his eyebrows up before shaking his head at me with a smirk.

"It's three in the morning and you want what?"

I giggled sitting up and pressing pause on the movie that we were watching to glance at him.

"I said I want cheerios." And with that I was standing up dragging the small blanket that I had wrapped myself up in with me as I headed for the stairs that would lead down to the main part of the house. He laughed standing and following behind me as we headed towards the kitchen intent on finding me my midnight or so snack. I felt like such a little fatty when we got to the pantry and I got excited to see the bright yellow box sitting on one of the shelves. He moved to sit on one of the stools at the counter resting his head on his hands as I grabbed a bowl and the milk along with my own little personal slice of heaven making my way to the seat next to him. His head snapped up as I groaned, his eyes finding mine as I was sure that my bottom lip was trembling.

"My brother ate the last of it then put it back in the freaking pantry!" he chuckled slipping a hand back through his jet black curly hair.

"Looks like you're out of luck then." He smirked one of those beautiful harsh ones that I had learned to love slowly with time.

"If you love me you'll take me to get some." That's how I always asked him and his reply was always the same.

"When hell freezes over." But at the same time he was already grabbing his car keys and with a little smile to myself I knew that I had won. Biting my bottom lip I opened the door to my house and held it for him as he walked past me grumbling under his breath about how I was a spoiled little brat. I didn't bother to respond to that one; instead I just shook my head and followed him down the front stairs towards his car. He opened the passenger door for me, always the gentleman, his mom had taught him right, and I climbed into the car putting on my seatbelt.

"The things I do for you." He grumbled as he got into the car and pulled on his own seatbelt starting up the little blue car.

I smirked, one that almost matched his before brushing my hair back over my shoulder.

"You do it because you love me." He rolled his eyes as he back out of the driveway and onto the main road. He shook his head and reached over to fumble with the radio in the darkness of the car his eyes leaving the road if only for a moment.

That moment was all it took to change my life forever. One moment we we're fine and the next he was swerving to miss the deer that had wandered into the middle of the road. I don't know how many times the car rolled after hitting the patch of ice… I lost count, the world was spinning around me and I was helpless to stop it. His hand reached out for mine as the groaning of steel compacting itself echoed throughout the cabin of the car. My fingers tightened around his as I held onto him for dear life, hearing the faint sounds of sirens in the distance. We were upside down, barely held in place by our seat belts.

I love you. He mouthed the words at me as he sat across from me before his eyes slid shut and his ragged breathing slowly began to fade. Sometimes I wonder if this is what it's like for a deaf person; I can't hear anything my mind unwilling to process what is going on around me. There are flashing lights and I am being pulled from the car by men in yellow jackets. They lay me down on a cold hard bed and tell me that it would be best for me to rest. I don't argue, instead I close my eyes and pray that I don't open them.

I don't know how much time has passed but I know that I have to be alive; my body is in too much pain for me to be dead. Instantly my mind starts to race. Where he is…what happened to him, my best friend. I scream, one continual scream that has the doctors and the nurses rushing at me. Hands hold my body to the small bed as I struggle to sit up wanting to find him, needing to know that he is okay. My aunt is beside me in an instant her fingers sliding through my hair as she whispers useless words over and over again, no sound reaching me ears, only a faint ringing noise until everything seems to come rushing back at me, the sounds the reality of what has happened.

"He didn't make it…" my scream has taken on a life of its own, raising in pitch as the words repeat themselves over and over in my head- mocking me with the finality of it all. Faintly I can hear someone whimpering and it takes a moment for me to register that it's me, my hands white as I clutch the sheets around me. I flinch as the needle pierces the skin, the nurse pulling a small flashlight from her waist to check my eyes as my body turns to Jell-O. Next to me my aunt keeps whispering soft meaningless words of comfort into my ear as my eyes drift shut for a second time, the sedative slowly taking control.

Two days pass in almost a blur and soon enough I find myself sitting in my room, starring out the window at the bright and sunny front yard where the children are playing, their laughter echoing around in my head, but I don't smile. I feel empty. My aunt knocks on my bedroom door, pushes it open slightly and sticks her head in a frown crossing her lips as her eyes travel over my pj clad body.

"Are you not going to get dressed for the funeral honey?" she asks gently walking in and opening the window to let some fresh air into the staleness of my room. I shake my head before dragging my knees up to my chest, laying my head against them.

"I can't." I mumble the words into my legs, hugging them closer to me, willing them to provide the comfort that I know that I'm not going to be feeling any time soon. My aunt nods slowly resting her hand on the door as she stares at me, swearing the she understands how I'm feeling.

"Things will get better honey." She whispers as she reaches for the doorknob. "I know that it doesn't look like that right now but I promise that they will." I swallow and don't respond leaning down to place my head on my knees as I stare out the window at the bright blue sky and the white cloud that paint a picture of happiness that I can't feel. I bite down on my bottom lip as my eyes drift over to the corner house where he lived. Watching the cars pull up one by one people in black emerging from the insides grim pictures painted over their faces as they glance towards my house and shake their head. I want to scream as my mind goes through what they are saying, how he will forever became a was instead of an is, repeats itself over and over in my head until I feel half insane with it. 'He was such a good kid' I scream picking up a pillow and chucking it across the room, feeling slightly better as it knocks the knick-knacks off of my desk and they fall to the floor, shattering into a billion little pieces on the hardwood.

Slowly the rest of my property begins to be destroyed, following the other shards of glass to the floor until there is nothing left but a pile of broken memories that leave me feeling no better than I did before but somehow more satisfied. Around sunset there is a knock on my door before a head is pushing its way through.

"Darling we're home how are you-"she doesn't finish her sentence, her eyes are resting on the broken pieces of my life in front of her, a testimony to just how empty I am feeling. "I'll just get a broom." She finally mutters and then she's closing the door behind her. I scowl at the door before turning and moving back to my window seat my legs tugging to my chest my head rested on my knees. She barely glances my way when she returns to pick up my mess and it angers me. I want to yell at her want to scream.

"Look at me Jenna, look what I've become." But I don't, the effort of talking is too much to even think about anymore. Right now I just want to sink into a wall and never take a breath again.

"Dinner will be ready soon honey." The dustpan with all the glass has been set outside my door, out of sight out of mind, yeah like that really works.

"I'm not hungry." She reaches up to push my bangs back from my forehead shaking her head.

"Sweetheart you need to eat something."

I shake my head and scoot away from her, pushing my body harder into the wall, wanting to escape.

"I said I'm not hungry." She frowns but doesn't say anything more, moving towards the door and tugging it closed behind her. I'm glad that she didn't stay. If she did I might have told her just how much she really lost, when I lost the love of my life.

I stay against the wall for three weeks before my aunt decides that she has had enough and it's time to move on. I don't think anyone ever really understood just how much he meant to me. I don't want to argue though, that takes too much energy. Energy that I don't have. I don't sleep anymore, I barely eat, life just doesn't seem worth it without him by my side, but then I think of him and I know that he would hate me if he could see the woman that I have become. I hate to think that I would be a disappointment to him so I make a promise that I will try.

Slowly I start to see glimpses of the girl that I was peak through until it almost seems like nothing was ever wrong. On the outside that is. On the inside the pain is still there, the emptiness is as big as ever, threatening to swallow me whole.

Days pass, one bleeding into another until years have gone by, the teenage girl who had lost her reason to live is now a woman, standing in front of a mirror, white lace draped over my body, preparing to make a promise to a man that i know i will never be able to keep. I can't give away my mind, my heart or my soul cause i don't have them anymore, they already belong to someone else. But i go through with the ceremony anyways, a smile like the one that i have learned to perfect over the years plastered across my lips. I've gotten good at faking it.

The years pass by even faster after that, meaningless anniversaries, holidays that bring no joy, birthdays that make me feel older and happier than i can begin to imagine until soon enough I am eighty years old, a widow surrounded by my children and grandchildren struggling to breath past the pain in my chest. The machines around me beep slower and slower with each hour that passes, but I am okay with that.

"Are you ready to go Elena?" My head lolls to the side, a smile curling the corner of my lips because there he is. Not the ghost of my nightmares, covered in blood and accusing me of living without him, but the kind gentle man that I fell in love with at such a young age.

"Don't cry grandma." The words are whispered from my youngest grandchild, and I can feel her small fingers stroking faintly across my cheek. I want to smile, want to tell her that it's okay that the tears are ones of happiness, but I don't have that control over my body anymore. I glance back at him and reach for his hands, stepping away from my loved ones and knowing that it will be okay.

"More than ready Damon, after all, I've spent a life time waiting for you."

A/n-just a quick little one shot challenge to practice with my writing from my best friend. Please remember to read and review. Next chapters for HHU and SFA should be up soon.

-Jayden