Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. I also do not own the song Breathe (2AM) by Anna Nalick.
Summary: I love Jacob, but he doesn't love me. Leah had always told herself that. Jacob is an started to drink when he 21st birthday came along, and always goes to Leah when he has done something stupid because he is drunk. Leah helps him because she loves him so much that she just wants him to be happy, even when she helps him with Nessie. Based off the lyrics of Breathe 2 AM by Anna Nalick.
This story takes place six years after Breaking Dawn.
2 AM and he comes over 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love her. Winter just wasn't my season"
I loved Jacob, but he did not love me.
I don't know why I love him, he has changed. When he turned 21, he started drinking, and he became an alcoholic. To be fair, I had changed too. I wasn't mean too much anymore, I have become numb from the pain.
After the war we became best friends, and every time he talked about Nessie it hurt. Badly. He came to me whenever he did something, and I helped him, even though he went back to Nessie every single time, and it only killed me inside a little more.
It was 2 AM, and I was still awake because I couldn't stop thinking about Jacob.
I heard a knock on my window and saw Jacob on my balcony like he usually is when is has done something he shouldn't have.
I went to the window and let him in, thinking to myself, This is only going to make it worse for you. But I still did it anyway.
"Hey, Jacob, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Will you help me unravel my latest mistake?" He turned to me.
I just looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
"Yesterday I hit Nessie because I was drunk." He confessed sadly.
"Jacob, my only advice is to stop drinking." I told him.
"I want to, but I can't, Leah. I'm addicted."
I thought for a moment and then said, "How about you sleep on my couch tonight, and then tomorrow we will go to a group therapy together?" I pointed to the couch in my room.
"Thanks, Leah. You're the best." He came up and hugged me tightly, then kissed me quickly. Even though I knew it was a thanks kiss, rather than a real kiss, I couldn't help pretending it was a real kiss.
"I know."
He laughed and went to the couch.
"I'll go get you some sheets." I told him.
When we were both comfortable, I turned off the lights and climbed into my bed.
"Love you, Leah." Jacob says like he usually does when I help him with his mistakes.
I turned over in my bed, facing away from him, and it was a moment before I said, "I love you, Jacob." I didn't add that I loved him more than a friend.
"Leah?" Jacob said after a few minutes.
"Yes?" I said back.
"I don't know if I love her or not. I want to be around her all the time, but I don't think its love. Winter just isn't my season, is it?" Jacob told me.
I smiled, but he still said that he wanted to be with her all the time, so I played it cool and said, "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because you seem like you have all the answers." Jacob said truthfully.
"Oh, Jacob, but that's where you're wrong. Goodnight."
Right when I start falling asleep he says, "Tell me something about you that I don't know."
"I want to go asleep, did you know that about me?" I answered back.
"Do you have a crush on someone?"
"Goodnight, Jacob."
"That means yes. I'll figure it out, you know." He said.
"Goodnight Jacob."
"Goodnight."
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, boy.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe
I woke Jacob up around 9:00 and said, "Wake up, Jake."
He looked at the clock and said, "Why so early?"
"You were the one insisting on playing twenty questions last night." I reminded him. "Okay, the group therapy is at 10:00, so you need to get ready. I grabbed some clothes he left here for nights like these ones.
I left him in my room, and went downstairs to grab my purse. I was already ready.
By the time I had got it, he was already coming downstairs.
"You ready to change your life?" I asked him.
"Yeah, I think I am."
We drove to the group session in Port Angeles, and got out of the car.
When we walked through the doors, everybody's eyes were so accusing. How do they have any right at all to criticize? They are all hypocrites, because they are all here for the very same reason.
I squeezed Jake's hand to reassure him, but as I was letting go he grabbed it and held my hand.
We took a seat, and a guy started talking, "Hi, my name is Terrell, and I am going to help you get out of the crazy world of alcohol.
Listen to me, you can't jump the track, we are like cars on a cable in that way. If you want to become alcohol free, you can't skip to the end, you have to take the steps, and pull yourselves out. And no one will ever find a rewind button, guys, so you have to just live with the fact that all this has happened, you will just have to forgive yourselves, and move on.
Now that we have that clear, we can start."
I turned to Jacob and saw that he was panicking, so I said, "Breathe, Jacob. Just breathe."
I turned over to me and smiled.
While Terrell talked, Jacob cradled his head in his hands.
May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just yesterday, he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him; Maybe I'll just sing about it.
'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe
Oh breathe, just breathe
After we left the group therapy I thought about his 21st birthday, and how I never would have thought then that Jacob would be an alcoholic. Latley, I didn't think that he would be getting out of it. Just yesterday he sat down to a flask in his fist.
I know Jacob hasn't been sober since maybe October… of last year.
We drove back to my house without much conversation and parked the car. We then got out and walked to La Push's only restaurant.
As we got a table a sat down, some people looked at him. Being in such a small town like this, people can tell he has been down for awhile.
After the waiter came and took our orders Jake turned to me and said, "Thanks, Leah. I owe you one big time."
"Anytime, Jacob. You know that." I said to him.
He smiled at me, and my gosh, it is so beautiful when that boy smiles. I want to hold him so much, but maybe I will just dream about it.
"So did you like anything that he said?" I asked.
"Yeah, I liked the part when he said we can't jump the track, or find a rewind button, because that I don't think I want to. I want to remember what I did, so I know never to do it again." He said.
"Is Jacob going deep?" I teased.
"What happened to us? We used to be jerks." He laughed.
"Your right, I guess after the war, we both realized that we can't waste time being mean to anyone who gives us a weird look." I said.
"Who's going deep now?" Jacob teased back.
"Oh, shut up…" I smiled.
We ate our food, and walked back to my place.
There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
and These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.
We were on my couch watching a movie when Jacob turned toward me and said, "Do you think I can actually get out of this?" He asked me.
"There is always a light at each end of a tunnel. You are just as far out as you were ever in, and these mistakes that you have made, you would have made them again. But you turned around Jacob, of course you are going to make it." I hugged him, and he held me there. He let go, and we continued to watch the movie.
At 10:00 he went home and I went upstairs and sat at my bed with paper and a pen.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer
inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, now
Sing it if you understand,
and breathe, just breathe
oh breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe
It was 2 AM and I am still awake, writing a song. I knew that if I got it all down on paper, it would no longer be inside me, threatening the life it belongs to.
The song was about the things that have happened with Jake, even the way I felt about him. I was going to give it to him. I was finally going to face my fears and let him know. I felt like I was naked in front of a crowd.
I went out of my house and taped my song onto his window, threw a rock at it, and walked away. He would wake up and read it, and he would now once and for all.
I went back to my house, and back into my room, I lied down on my bed and waited. In an hour, I heard that familiar knock. Sure enough, it was Jacob. I let him in.
"Is this true?" Jacob pointed to the song.
"Those words are my diary, screaming out loud, and I know you will use them however you want to. You don't have to do anything about it. I just wanted you to know." I told him.
"Oh, Leah, but that's where you're wrong." Jacob repeated what I had said to him 24 hours ago. "I do have to do something about it."
Jacob came over and kissed me, not the friend kiss like he always has, but the real kiss.
"Remember when I said I don't think I loved Nessie, and you asked why I was telling you that? I told you because I wanted to tell you in some way that I loved you." Jacob said, cradling my head in his hands. "I love you, Leah"
"I love you, Jacob." I didn't hesitate at all like I usually did.
I breathed in deeply while he leaned in to kiss me.
I loved Jacob, and he loved me.
A/N: Awww! I was in the middle writing the third chapter of Sam Said That Too (One of my stories), while listening to Breathe, and the idea just came to me! I wrote quicker than I have in so long! Anyway, please comment, it's nice to know people are reading it. I hope you liked it, and don't be afraid to ask for a sequel, but I probably won't write one unless asked for one. I need motivation! Okay so this is a long authors note... sorry. Love you! -Lissa
A/N #2: So I am writing this a month after I put this on FanFiction. Please review, I really liked this story, and I haven't gotten much love on it, I have had like three reviews. I'm not forcing you, I am just strongly suggesting that you review. Please?
