If Only
If only she had remembered her own words, 'it's all about the teasing, and not about the pleasing' and had taken them to heart, then she wouldn't be in this mess right now. If only she had been smart enough not to be fooled by a whispered 'it'll be fine' and the charming smiles he sent her way. If only she had felt amazing that night, not a mess like she had. If only she had stopped a one wine-coolers.
If only.
If only she had remembered to take her Pill that morning. If only she had not let herself be charmed by him. If only she had resisted his flirting, if only she had not let him take her into the bedroom she easily. If only she hadn't felt fat that night.
If only.
If only she hadn't lied about the whole situation in the first place. If only she had told everyone the truth at the start. If only Finn would smile at her like he used to. If only her dresses weren't pinching so much. If only she wasn't so confused about what to do.
If only.
If only this whole situation hadn't happened a few years later, when she was old enough to make the decision that her heart wanted. If only she loved Puck enough to stay with him and raise a family. If only she wasn't a scared little girl who just wanted her daddy to hold her and say it was alright, that it would be fine.
If only.
If only her heart hadn't shattered when Puck sang 'Beth' to her. If only her eyes hadn't watered when her baby had first kicked. If only her Cheerios uniform still fit, then she could slid it on and forget about this mess. If only she wasn't living out of a suitcase. If only she didn't want someone to jump hold her late at night and place their hands on her stomach.
If only.
If only she hadn't been so scared when her waters had broken. If only she had realized that her mother was here to support her no matter what. If only she squeezed Puck's hand so tight it was red. If only she had realized she wanted her baby, before it was to late. If only she hadn't forced herself to run after Shelby after she had taken Beth.
If only.
If only her heart hadn't broken into two pieces when they lifted her baby from her arms and into Shelby's. If only Beth hadn't wailed, screamed. If only Puck hadn't held her tightly. If only he hadn't let her sob into his shirt, screaming for her baby.
If only she had kept her baby.
If only.
Life was filled with 'if only's.'
Random and weird, but I like it. Result of a plot bunny right when I was getting off, and of tiredness.
