Kaori: I really should stop watching Comedy Central when I'm sugar high. This fic is weird, even by my standards.
Ayamachi: You'd better write it, or Machigai and I will never let you sleep tonight!
Kaori: I hate you guys…
Machigai: Payback is a motherfucker, isn't it?
Kaori: Mm hmm…
When Bogeymen Attack
By Kaori
Chapter One: Bogeymen of the Open Road
The night had been long and arduous, and the two young men riding in a green Testerosa were looking forward to some well-earned sleep. They were both very tired and it is well known that in this state, the human brain starts to wander…
"It's dark tonight, isn't it Wu?" Duo said, a little nervously. The Chinese boy nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. "I wonder how dark it really is… Hey. Turn off the headlights for a few seconds."
"Why?" Wufei mumbled.
"I wanna see how dark it is." The braided one replied.
"Maxwell, if I turn off the headlights, I won't be able to see where I'm driving." Duo was undaunted.
"Oh, c'mon. Just for a couple of seconds!"
"You're not going to leave me alone until I do what you ask, are you?" Wufei sighed.
"Nope." Duo grinned.
"Fine. But only for a few secons." Wufei muttered flicking off the headlights and they were plunged into darkness.
"AAGH!!!" Wufei quickly turned the headlights back on.
"That's frickin' dark." Duo mumbled, hyperventilating a little. Wufei nodded in agreement, unable to reply audibly.
They drove on in silence for three miles before Duo spoke again. "Do you believe in the Bogeyman, Wu?"
"Of course not." Wufei snorted, a tinge of fear in his voice. "Why?"
"Well, I was just wondering what we'd do if the Bogeyman showed up." Wufei shot him a 'what-are-you-nuts?" look. "Oh come on Wuffie, don't tell me you've never thought about it."
"Well…"
"Ah ha! I thought so!" Duo snickered. "Sooo….. what would you do?"
"About what?"
"What would you do if the Bogeyman showed up right now?"
"From ahead or behind?"
"Up ahead."
"Run over him with the car of course." Wufie scoffed.
"Okay. But what happens if you don't hit him hard enough and you piss him off and he starts chasin' us? What do you do then?"
"Maxwell…" Wufei warned.
"No, seriously. What if he starts chasing us? The Bogeyman can run like hell.."
*THUNK*
"Aagh! What was that?!" Duo howled.
"Calm down, Maxwell. We probably just ran over a…. tree branch. Yeah, that's it, a tree branch." Wufei said. The words would have been more reassuring if the car hadn't sped up from 45 miles per hour to 70.
"…or we just ran over the Bogeyman."
"Duo, knock it off. There's no such thing as the Bogeyman!"
"How do you know? If you're so damn sure that there's no Bogeyman then why are you going 85?" Wufei didn't answer him. "Oh man… we are so gonna die! We ran over the Bogeyman and now he's coming for our asses…"
"Duo, shut up!"
"Now I lay me down to sleep…"
"DUO!!!" Wufei didn't have time to strangle his braided companion, however, because just then a squad car came up behind them and the police officer told them to pull over. Wufei reluctantly did so. The officer stepped out of the patrol car and sauntered over to the car.
He was very tall, about six foot eight, and dressed in the traditional highway patrol uniform. His hat was pulled over his face and he was wearing brown gloves with yellow stripes on the sides. "License and registration." He said. Wufei complied while Duo kept looking nervously into the rear view mirror. "Mr. Chang, do you know how fast you were going?" Before Wufei could answer Duo butted in.
"But officer! You don't understand!" he protested. "The Bogeyman is after us! Wufei ran over him and pissed him off!"
"Really?" the officer replied in an amused tone that Wufei really didn't like.
"Yeah! He's probably totally pissed off and if he catches us, he'll kill us!"
"Oh, I'll do worse than that…" the "officer" said, whipping off his hat.
"Shit!! It's the Bogeyman!!!!" Wufei screamed, slamming his foot on the gas.
"BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!" the Bogeyman laughed and chased after them.
Into the night they sped, the Bogeyman hot on their trail; taunting them and laughing evily.
"We're gonna die!! We're gonna die!!" Duo wailed. "I'm too young and handsome to die! Drive Wu-man! Drive!"
"Bleheheheheh!! I'm coming for you boys! Mwuahahahahahahaha!" The Bogeyman laughed.
"Wufei… Do something." Duo whimpered.
"Hang on." Wufei snarled, shifting the car into third.
"Ooh! You think you can outrun me?" the Bogeyman cackled. "You won't get far…" and he suddenly blurred from view.
"I think you lost him, Wu." Duo sighed, sinking into the seat. Wufei slowed down and let the tension seep out of his muscles.
"Oh come now, you really didn't think I'd give up that easily, did you?" a voice said from the backseat. Both boys turned around slowly. "Going my way? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
EPLILOGUE
Heero found the green Testerosa was found the next day in a ditch ten miles away from the safehouse. The occupants of the car were scared shitless and everyone else was at a loss to explain how they got in such a state; especially since neither Wufei nor Duo would say what had happened. After all… no one was going to believe that they had been chased by the Bogeyman. Or would they….
~OWARI~
Hi minna-chan! Kaori here! On the next When Bogeymen Attack: Bogeymen of the Household! Don't miss it! ^_^
