Friendservice

"Come on!" the horny catboy whined. His frisky tail waved about in annoyance.

"No…" came the response from the tactician, pushing a white bony hand at his unwanted inquirer.

"But it'll be fun!" he whined. He began to jump for joy. The tactician only rolled his currant-colored eyes.

"We don't even have to do much!" the cat protested, "We can just make out a little."

"Why would I kiss you? I don't even like you, let alone that way!" the misanthropic mage responded. Ranulf raised his eyebrows leeringly.

"It's a little something I like to call 'friendservice'," Ranulf explained, "We're trying to give Ike a massive boner."

"Oh!" Soren said, while blushing, "Well, if it's for Ike, I guess…"

Ike was busy trying to escape from Aimee. He hired Heather and Gatrie to follow him around in case of emergency. This was such an emergency. "Blond Brigade!" he shouted, "I need you!"

The Blond Brigade immediately began chasing Aimee around the camp. It was Ike's chance to escape. When he turned around the corner, he saw something very unexpected. He saw his friend undressing his other better friend. And the weirdest thing was Soren was not protesting. They began to make out passionately. Ike was turned on, and there was no other explanation as to why.

"The eagle has landed!" Ranulf shouted, surveying Ike's trousers. Soren peeked and laughed a little.

"Can I join?" Ike asked eagerly.

Ranulf tried to say, "yes", but Soren beat him to it with a far harsher response, "Yes! Please! I'm tired of making out with Ranulf and I want to make out with you."

Pretty soon, Ike had gotten both Soren and Ranulf completely delirious with pleasure, and the unique combination of the two made Ike himself moan ecstatically. To make a long story short, Lethe walked by and got a weirded out expression.

"Lethe," Ike began, "I know this looks weird but it's actually really fun."

"You know, I'd want to join you if that staff officer of yours wasn't there," she complained.

Her sister was not so hesitant. "FOURSOME!" she shouted and jumped on Ranulf. Ike jerked back.

Stefan looked at the pile and exclaimed, "Beasts, Brandeds, and Blade-Wielders, oh my! I'll fit right in!" before jumping on top of Ike. "Say, Ike? Want to make out? It's friendservice for Soren."

"Well, okay," Ike said, and then began to tongue-wrestle violently with Stefan. But instead of getting turned on, Soren just got jealous of Stefan.

"You can stop… like, now," he complained. "I don't WANT to be in a five-way relationship! A three-way relationship was too complicated as it was!"

"But five is an odd number, so we need one more person for this to work out in the end," Stefan pointed out, "Hey, Micaiah!"

Micaiah surveyed the pile. "How much ale did YOU drink?" she asked.

"We didn't drink any ale, Micaiah," Ike said, "Soren and Ranulf made out to please me and then Lyre and Stefan… found us."

"I was just wondering if you can find me a mate," Stefan responded, "I mean, obviously I can't break up Soren and 'Mr. Wonderful', and there's just too much cat chemistry going on for me to mess with that."

"You could date Lethe…"

"That I could… That I could… Hey Lethe!" Stefan shouted.

Lethe looked at him in disgust. "NO! I don't want to join your 'big cuddle pile'. My SISTER is there for crying out loud!"

"No," Stefan responded, "I just wanted to date you… alone."

"Oh," Lethe said, "Well I guess since Lyre stole Ranulf and Soren stole Ike, I don't have much of a choice…"

"Ike was never yours!" Soren shouted, even though Lethe thought he was out of earshot.

"Wait!" came a raspy voice from behind, "What about me? I thought you and I were…"

Stefan looked ashamed. "Mordecai… that was years ago. I've changed. I've come to realize you're just too damn ugly."