Looking over at her, I feel something creep into my heart.
Love? No, it's not quite that. Almost though, and that's what scares me. Because if I ever did come to love her, I know she wouldn't love me back.
How do I know that? Because I can see it in her eyes, the way she looks at him. More importantly, I know because she's told me how she feels about him. Every word is like a knife, but I take the pain because it is worth it.
Worth the pain just to be near her.
I know she loves him, and I've accepted it as much as anyone could accept it. She doesn't love me, she won't love me.
But still my mind wanders back to her. The memories I have of her are precious in my mind. Each second spent with her is one that I wouldn't trade away for the world.
He's so lucky, though he doesn't know it yet.
Luckier than me.
But at least I'm on the same squad as her, for now. I get to spend almost every day with her and I know that is a blessing. Because just hearing her soft voice is enough to drive back the pain.
She doesn't know how important she is to me. She thinks I'm just a friend, thinks I think of her the same. Before I met her, I was nothing. I missed classes, skipped classes, failed all my tests. I barely even graduated from the academy.
Now I never miss a practice, if only for the chance to be with her.
I'd never noticed her before that first squad meeting. Never noticed her kind eyes, her compassionate voice. I'd never noticed how beautiful she is. Of course, she doesn't have the kind of beauty that stands out.
She's beautiful up close. Once you know her, once you get a chance to be near her.
Naruto has never been near her. He's never known that feeling I get when I'm close to her, talking to her.
He's never known her as more than someone in the background, like I used to.
And that's what infuriates me. He has the chance to be with her, the chance to have everything I want, but he's too blind to see it.
Every time she talks to him I can see how much she wants to tell him, though she can't find the words or the courage to speak them. Sometimes, I want to tell him, just to help her. To take away the wasted time and give her what she wants.
Because that's all I want, for her to be happy. If she's happy, then I'll be happy.
But it drags on and on. She's too scared to tell him, and I know I can't do this for her. That type of thing would sting her as a betrayal of trust, a stab in the back. And I could never do that to her.
I could never hurt.
So I'm stuck here. I can't tell her how I feel because it would hurt her. I can't tell him how she feels because it would hurt her.
But every day that she spends in silence, I know that hurts her too. Every day that she is kept away from him is torture.
I know this because I couldn't imagine a day away from Hinata. I couldn't bear to be torn away from her. It would kill me.
Just like I know it kills her.
But she's stronger than me I know that too.
Someday, she'll use that strength to talk to him, and maybe we'll all be happy.
I sigh and Akamaru whines from his perch atop my head.
"Yeah, I'm thinking about her again." I whisper, even though I know nobody would understand me if they heard.
"Naruto," I whisper, not talking to Akamaru anymore, not talking to anyone but myself, "Why are you so much luckier than me?"
