Dedication: to my awesome beta dr luv u hon!

Feedback: always welcome always a must!

A/N: now kids this is a first ch I have more ready

But if u want it posted email me hazard0001@hotmail.com

Spoilers: before baby connor was taken and gone.



Welcoming the Black

They stood there...just, stood...for what must have been hours, but seemed

mere seconds in their minds.

Was it true, or was something playing a sick joke on them? They didn't think

about how or why, though, all they thought was...she had fallen and no one

had been there to catch her. Her death was an undeniable gift that she had

given without question. They realized she'd died alone. Again.  Always alone.

Thoughts started to cohere and they wondered collectively why had she decided

she couldn't take it anymore? When had she started to break? These words

spurted from their tear-streaked faces, red and blotchy. Except one, the

sister.  She understood all of what happened, had watched Buffy plunge into

nothingness. She understood…they all did somewhere in the chaos that was

their disparate thoughts, why their slayer had committed suicide.  This they knew.

*

"Spike isn't there anything in Sunnydale to kill?" asked an obviously bored

slayer.

"Well do you see anything pet?" replied a frustrated bleach-blond vampire.

"Okay," she ticked off on her fingers, "there's no demons to speak of, a few

fledge vamps, and an utterly still town.  Hello, has hell frozen over or is

it just preparing to attack?" she called up to a serene sky.

In reality she was itching for a battle, just one good fight with a matched

opponent. She was getting extremely bored and was returning to Spike's crypt

just because she had nothing better to do.

"Well should we head home then, Slayer?" Spike said with a naughty smirk.

"No games, Spike, let's... just go do what we do best," she said with a sigh.

*Things in Sunnydale better pick up,* she silently screamed to the sky. *Or

I'm going to lose my mind!*

**

"Angel! A little help please!" yelled a terrified Cordelia holding a

screaming toddler. It wasn't the baby that was scaring her, though; it was

the mass of demons that were working to slaughter her family. She felt

helpless in the situation, hiding under a desk with the child everyone seemed

to want. Wesley had already escaped to take Fred to the hospital where she

lay unconscious and broken. *Lucky her,* Cordelia thought to herself. Gunn

and Angel were still fighting valiantly. Covered in blood and sweat, they

kept going, though Gunn looked close to exhaustion and Angel looked soul-

weary beyond belief. *You know, if Angel wants to be stupid he can be stupid,

but I'm not sacrificing anyone because of it,* Cordelia reached a hand over

the desk and grabbed the telephone. She quickly dialed for the cavalry. "Hi,

Dawnie, is your big sister there?" Cordy asked, filled with hope.

"No."

Her spirits plummeted. "Kay, Dawn, you know I would never want you to get hurt

but...you have to go find her now! Tell her to get in the car and save our

asse' I mean butts and tell her to call us in the car so I can fill her in on

what's happening okay?"

There was a  pause. Dawn was obviously thinking of what she should do.

"Thanks Dawn, now run!" With that, Cordelia hung up the phone and prayed for

her life, that the Slayer would come to find their bodies intact.

***

Dawn got off the phone with Cordelia, picked up a stake, and headed to

Restfield cemetery. She knew that Buffy was either patrolling or at a certain

chipped vampire's crypt. She sidled up to the cement walls of Spike's home.

Not wanting to see what they could be--and probably were--doing, she knocked

on the door. When no one came she decided to take drastic measures. She

opened the door, covered her eyes, with a feeling of disgust, and stepped

inside.

"Buffy, I know I shouldn't be here disturbing...whatever, but we've got

serious problems, okay? So put your clothes back on and come here!" Dawn

yelled sternly over the moans. After a few minutes she felt pressure on her

shoulder and looked up.

"What do you want Dawn?" spoke an annoyed slayer. "We were kind of busy ya

know." She gestured to Spike.

"I know, Buffy, but Cordelia called and it sounded like they really needed

help."

Buffy's face immediately turned to one of concern. "What do you mean Dawn?"

"Cordy said for you to get in the car and call her on the way there so she

could explain what was going on. She...she sounded terrified Buff, like she

was going to die." Dawn spoke quietly expressing her own concern for their

long gone friend.

"Kay, Spike you take care of Dawn for me, I'm going right now." And with

that, Buffy ran to her home into her deceased mother's jeep. 

****

Cordy was squeezing her eyes shut tight to try to block out the gruesome

scenes before her when she heard the most heavenly sound. The phone. "H-

Hello?" she asked timidly.

"Hey Cordelia, it's Buffy.  You needed my help?" Buffy spoke with a hushed urgency.

"Yeah we really do, but I've got to tell you a little tale first so you

understand okay?" She heard the affirmative sound on the other end. "Last

year this law firm called Wolfram and Hart..." She began her complicated

story, stopping for expected evil lawyer jokes, and denial and shocked whispered words. She told of their interest in

Angel, how they brought Darla back, how Angel lost control. How Darla killed

herself for their child. How the world was ending right in front of her eyes.

*****

Buffy drove frantically as Cordelia told her tale. Silent tears poured down

her tanned face. Her heart was crumbling with the thought that Angel had

become so vulnerable that he had become so lost, like herself. She sped to

L.A. to his hotel, to his home.

******

The demons in the Hyperion started to scatter, trying to hide from something

that none of the fang gang could see. Not that they were objecting or

anything. Wesley and Fred had arrived to a demon-infested hotel. Blood and

gore were everywhere when they heard it…a low rumbling like a....a car. The

doors flew open and there blazing in all her glory stood one annoyed slayer.

Clad in skintight jeans, a red, low-cut shirt, and a black leather duster

flowing behind her, she truly looked magnificent. "Cordy I thought you said

that you were overloaded with demons? I have a life, you know." Buffy said

with a bored sigh as she looked at her nails." Beginning the show she performed at all times. The nonchalant, disinterested, normal buffy, happy buffy. She had perfected

"Uh, not trying to be rude or anything... but who are you?" asked a confused

Gunn and Fred.

That's when Cordelia decided to speak up. "That's Angel's ex, guys."

"Is that all I am, just the tamer of Angelus the Scourge of Europe?" asked an

amused Buffy, with a smirk.

Wesley at this point decided to be helpful by stuttering. "O-Of course not,

Buffy. You are a little unexpected though."

"Buffy what are you doing here?" said Angel, bewildered by the presence of

the Slayer in his hotel.

"Well I was supposed to come here and save your ass, but I guess the party

already left." As if on cue, the largest, greenest, slimiest demon anyone

ever saw broke through the door. Everyone except Buffy sprang into action,

grabbing weapons and dodging for cover. Buffy simply stood in front of the

beast and regarded it with cold calculating eyes.

"Buffy, get out of the way, you don't have any weapons!" called a nervous

Wesley. Buffy put up a hand signaling him to shut up, and stood, head cocked

to the side. Without a moment's notice, she jumped straight into the air and

landed gracefully on the thing's shoulders. All those in the room gaped at

her…she had just jumped at least fifty feet and was standing calmly on the

demon. With a loud wet snap she broke the creature's steely neck with her bare and caloused hands. 

It turned into goo and she stepped nonchalantly from the puddle. "What was

that?" Buffy asked.

"That...that was a Krewslack demon. Known for their large mass and metallic

bones." Wesley answered, in awe of the Slayer's power.

"Hmm, didn't seem that tough to me." Buffy said as she flopped down on the

couch. "So what's next?"

"Okay let me get this straight, you just broke a screw something or others neck in

fifteen seconds and didn't even break into a sweat and now you're asking for

more? Girl, I like you," said an impressed Gunn.

"What can I say, I'm bored." Buffy spoke with a rueful smile. She got up,

walked to the check-in counter, and picked up a whimpering Connor. "He's

going to be a heartbreaker. Angel, I can tell." She stared at the small child

and placed him in the arms of his father all the while being as numb as possible. Though her icy heart had already started to melat at the sight of the tiny child.

Angel caught her eye and they gazed at each other for a moment before quickly

turning away. Cordelia thought to herself as she saw the star-crossed lovers.

*What have I done, he's going to have Buffy face for weeks... and probably

forget I exist.*

"So Buffy, where are you staying?" Angel asked, trying to hide his discomfort

at the knowledge his love knew about Darla.

"Oh, some affordable little motel, probably," she replied as she returning her

gaze to Connor.

"No you should stay here," he commanded softly, gazing at her.

She shook her head slightly, motioning that it would be a bad idea. Cordelia

perked up. "Buffy you can stay with me for awhile, okay?" She grabbed Buffy's

hand, said her good-byes and pulled the Slayer away from her family.

*******

It was her third night at Cordelia's home. Everyday, things were exactly the

same. They would wake up at seven am, leave for Angel's, talk about the

demons, train and eat, and have friendly chats with Fred, Gunn, and Wesley.

Buffy would catch Angel guiltily staring at her, then catch Cordelia glaring

at her. This whole time she had probably spoken to Angel for a maximum of

five minutes.

She could tell that Cordelia was hopelessly in love with him and that he felt

the same way. But every once in a while, she would feel traces of that old

longing in his gaze. Probably just her imagination. She was sitting on

Cordelia's couch flipping through late night television, waiting, waiting for

Cordelia to fall asleep so she could sneak out as she always did. But tonight

was special she wasn't going out to some bar, nope, she was going to the

beach. The sun was starting to come through the windows when she finally felt

Cordelia rest. She slipped out the door, to freedom.

********

Cordelia awoke to a soft rustling on her skin. "She's gone again, is she?"

She mumbled groggily to a silent Dennis. "Well the sun's up she won't make it

back in time," she said pleasantly before burrowing deeper into sleep.

*********

Buffy was walking on the beach peacefully with her feet in the surf, wearing

a T- shirt and a pair of shorts. She listened intently to the waves. It was

as if they were calling to her, offering release. She couldn't ignore the

call any longer and dove deep into the healing liquid. She swam farther and

farther out, though she knew she shouldn't go too far, but it was a welcome

escape. She dove down, down into the crystal water and reached the bottom. 

Air was becoming a necessity, it burned in her lungs. Her body was screaming

for life. But all she did was lay down in the silt and sand. She was so

tired. So soul weary, and her ragged heart could not fight for a life that didn't want it. She closed her eyes, welcoming the black.

TBC...