---
Sorry that
I could never love you back
I could never care enough
In these last days
---
It had become a nightly ritual, camping out beside her door. Even after his mind had been supposedly ridden of the demon that had so fervently threatened to consume him, old habits forced insomnia upon him, and night after sleepless night, he found his hand pressed against the worn cedar of her doorframe, fingers tracing over the woodgrains as though searching for an answer to a question he didn't want to ask.
This was the only way he could find solace, allow himself to fall asleep, feeling the relaxed and reassuring chakra signature inside he knew so well. Sometimes, his hand would hover over the door, about to knock. But what could he say? Though she'd promised they'd forgiven him time and time again, a part of him was still wary, trying to guard his fragile psyche from another potentially fatal blow. So he never knocked. He didn't think she'd understand.
He never let on any sign that he did it, only allowing himself a few hours sleep before either retreating to his office to bury himself in gloriously mind-consuming paperwork or to the rooftops to stare for hours at the stars, letting his mind roam anywhere away from her.
One night, he almost got the courage to ask, leaning against her doorframe as she made her way in, looking anywhere but at her face. Because he didn't know how he'd handle it if she said no. She was smiling at him, though, he could feel it, her warmth both urging him forward and shoving him back at the same time. "Temari..." He'd started, arms crossed in a defensive gesture, voice quiet. Impassive to most, but Temari had always known him best. "Can I..." he trailed off. What if she said no? What if she got angry with him, told him she never wanted to see him again, or worse, what if she just never spoke to him at all? Perhaps an irrational thought, but Gaara did have many similar experiences to back up his fears.
She looked at him hopefully, and finally, he rose his eyes to meet her gaze. And any courage he'd had before melted away under that warm, concerned look, because he could ruin it in one sentence, she could hate him. "Nevermind. It's nothing." He turned, dissapearing in his own silent way, leaving her to wonder behind him.
And still he came, back pressed against the door, knees pulled up to his chest as he allowed her to dream. Maybe someday he'd tell her, but for now, this would do.
And while he slept, what he didn't feel was Temari pressing back against the door, hands against the wood, feeling Gaara's presence outside. She'd stay there until she felt him stir, never letting on that she knew, that all he had to do was knock, just knock, and she'd welcome him without falter.
Maybe someday, he'd knock. And she'd be ready for him, to let him sleep and dream like he so deserved. But for now, this would do.
