Hey everyone! This is a dark One Shot, I hope all of you like it. Please reply!
Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or the song 'Missing' by Evanescence.
Haley heard the door slam shout like every morning when Brooke took off for school with Lucas. How long has it been since she had attended school? Three weeks? She didn't care; Haley's pride for school died long ago.
Why even go?
Everyday was hell; students all over the campus would constantly tease her. It has been six months since she has returned from tour, and yet she was still treated like she was too good for them in Tree Hill High; however, Haley knew she didn't belong with them, yet above them, but in reality she was underneath them. The life she once knew was gone, all because of a dream of becoming a singer.
Peyton, her so-called friend, treats her like crap. She never lets Haley forget what she did every time she see's her. Brooke and Lucas, what to say about them? They moved on. At first they would be with her whenever possible. Inevitable, since they are in love, over time Lucas and Brooke would visit Haley less and less. Nowadays, it's was just "Hey or see you later." It killed Haley to know that her only friends did not have time for her, but eventually, the pain of loneliness became numb.
Misery truly loves her company, and, Haley blames herself for permitting the pain to happen. She would lie at first declaring she was ok. But now she has built walls, pushing anyone that did try to help away. Though inside the walls screamed HELP! But who would help her in her condition? Lucas? He devoted all his time to basketball and Brooke. Haley was no longer part of his life, nonetheless his best friend who he once loved too.
Love is such a powerful word.
For Haley, love was a joke. Love was nothing but a distant memory in her mind. Just like Nathan; the one she would do anything for— the man she loves. Too bad Nathan doesn't feel the same about her. He made crystal clear to her when she came back from tour that he wanted nothing to do with her any longer. Nathan hates her for ruining their marriage and for ruining his life. Probably at this point, he's with Peyton gossiping about her. Ironic isn't it? When Peyton and Nathan were dating, they couldn't stand each other, and now they're always around one another. It kills Haley further to know Nathan has moved on because of her and the dreaded decision to go to tour to live out a dream.
Slowly, Haley began to rise from her bed, and make her way to the bathroom dreading every step she took. Arriving to the bathroom, Haley flipped on the bathroom switch, instantly revealing her reflection from the mirror. She stared at herself, and what a mess she appeared; her hair was not combed, she looked paler and thinner, plus dark circles have formed from her lack of sleep. Rapidly tears began to form in her eyes. Haley hated the person looking back at her. She saw an ugly, pathetic, and useless person.
"I hate you!" Haley yelled at herself.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…" Haley whispered continually, while she covered her face with her hands. Reluctantly, Haley gazed back at the mirror suddenly realizing she had enough. Haley has had enough of her life. Mostly enough of being a disturbance in everyone's life—enough of being Nathan's disturbance. Staring at herself longer, Haley couldn't hold the tears any longer. Why did she let her life get so out of control? Adjusting the sink water to her desired temperature, Haley washed her face harshly with soap. When she was finished, her face appeared red while her eyes were puffy. Grabbing the comb as fast as she could, Haley began to untangle her hair, leaving her hair smooth and straight. Once she was done, Haley stared her appearance for the last time. It was time.
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
Haley began to walk out of the bathroom, and into her room to grab her backpack to proceed into the kitchen. Once she was at the kitchen, Haley sat down on one of the stools, and took out some lined papers to begin her letter.
Dear Nathan,
I finally realized something that has taken me longer to figure out than you— we don't belong together. We're not as I once thought, meant to be. I am so sorry I screwed up your life. I really never meant to hurt you. All I wanted was for you to be proud of me. I wanted to chase my dream of becoming a singer, something you said not to hide, and pursue like you and basketball. Why couldn't you see that singing was my passion? Didn't you get that I love singing as you love basketball? Well, that doesn't matter now; music is nothing to me if you're not with me.
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me is all I ask. I know I'm not perfect, as you once thought I was. That's why I came to a decision to stop the pain in your heart and mine. I'm setting you free Nathan, as you long waited. I won't be a bother anymore. And you'll be able to live your life finally without me wrecking it. I signed the divorce papers and its official: You are now a free man, to date whoever, whenever.
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
I just want you to know one thing though Nathan, I will always love you. When I was out on tour, I thought of you constantly. Every song I sang was about you. I know you don't feel the same. So I ask you this last favor, even though it kills me to write this, I want you to find love; don't ignore it, don't believe that because of me, you will never trust another person. I was a fool; I was selfish to have done what I did and leave you behind. So, please be happy. Love again; find a person to love and take care of her. Something I failed you at. Nathan, I simply ask for you to be happy and to be in love with that person that I could never have measure up to.
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Nevertheless, I know you don't care for me. This letter maybe useless to you, but all I wanted to say was goodbye and that I'm sorry. Tell Lucas and Brooke I will miss them, even though they barely had time for me. Tell them I love them with all my heart, and, I'll always treasure our friendship. Even though Peyton hates me too, I wish her the best of luck with her art and her club. Tell her I'm also sorry for being a disappointment in her life. She's right, people do always leave. Following, tell Karen
I'm sorry as well. I never told her this, but I love her more than my own mother. It's terrible to say, but she took care of me more than her.
I'm sorry Karen and I'll miss you.
Lastly, tell my family I love them, and that I'm sorry for leaving them and being another disappointment; not only for them but for all, mostly you Nathan.
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Again please forgive me. But do know this, I will never forget you, as you forgotten me. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me… although I took advantage of that, but not any longer. Be happy Nathan. Don't you ever doubt that I didn't love you, when I did love you. I still do. This point on, I know I will be happy. Do the same, even if you have replaced me with Peyton. God damn it Nathan, I love you.
Always and forever,
Haley James
Isn't someone...
Missing me…?
When Haley finished, she folded the letter into the envelope, and on the front wrote Nathan's name. She then laid it on the counter next to a dry purple flower and her wedding ring along with the plastic bracelet. Haley took out one last item from her bag, her bottle of pills labeled: ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. Haley spilled a handful of pills into her hand, rapidly swallowing them. Swiftly after, Haley walked towards the couch and laid down. She turned on the boom box next to her, and selecting a song, switching it to repeat itself. (Same song you been hearing/ reading the lyrics to). For the first time, Haley laid in comfort, waiting for the pain in her heart to go away.
Haley didn't cry. She simply stared at her picture covered in pink, on top saying love, until at last her body was at peace.
--
"Just go inside. She'll probably be in her room sleeping. You won't see her, please Nathan? We'll be right back. We're just going to pay the landlord our monthly rent. Here's the key," Brooke said, as she handed Nathan the keys to the apartment, while she and Lucas started to walk towards the landlord. Nathan watched them walk away, and he sighed as he began to open the door. Once he walked inside, he accidentally slammed the door shut. He looked to his left and saw Haley sleeping on the couch. Strange, she's a light sleeper, he thought. Looking away, Nathan ignored her, and made his way to her bedroom to grab Brooke's laptop. Once he walked inside the room, memories came flooding into his mind of him and Haley. Nathan glanced around the room further; he was sad the way things ended between him and Haley, but their marriage was indeed over. Shrugging off the feeling of remorse, Nathan walked back to the living room, and turned off the boom box that was playing depressing music. Once he set the laptop on the table, he looked ahead at Haley asleep on the couch. She looked so peaceful. Nathan followed by glancing at the time, it was 1:20 p.m.
Why is she still asleep at this time?
Sighing, Nathan stood up from the couch to grab a drink, and as he walked toward the refrigerator, a bottle on the floor caught his attention labeled: ANTI-DEPRESSANTS. He picked it up and the bottle was empty. He read the label, and it was sold on December 6 and it was now December 12. How can it be empty? Nathan thought as he turned his attention to the counter instantly discovering a letter with his name, along with the divorce papers, Haley's ring, and the plastic bracelet. No, she couldn't… she wouldn't. Nathan's eyes beamed in fear.
"Haley wake up!" Nathan yelled in fear of the worst. No response. He yelled again, and still no response from Haley. Quickly, Nathan ran as fast as he could to Haley, shaking her as hard as he could to wake her. Although, Haley's motionless body didn't stir, she did not even open her eyes. Tears came pouring down from Nathan's face. How could she have killed herself? Instantaneously, Nathan hugged Haley deceased body as tight as he could.
She was gone.
She was dead.
"Why did you kill yourself, Haley? Why? You had so much to live for," Nathan said between sobs.
"Nathan we're here…" Brooke said walking in the room with Lucas.
"Nathan?" Brooke whispered, as she stared in fear to why Nathan was crying while he held Haley.
"What happened?" Lucas asked terrified to know the answer.
"She's gone," Nathan whispered, and within a second, the frame Brooke was holding dropped to the floor, shattering to pieces.
After the echo of the frame shattering, Brooke ran to Haley, removing her from Nathan's embrace to hers as she hysterically cried. Meanwhile, Lucas remained in shock; his friend was dead, and there was no bringing her back. Swiftly, Lucas fell to the floor not wanting to believe what had happened. He couldn't, Haley was supposed to be alive for him, not dead. Following, tears began to form, and no more than a second later, Lucas was hysterically crying on the floor.
Breaking from his paralyzed phase, Nathan stood from the couch and called 911, though he knew there was nothing they could do. When he hung up, Nathan began walk over to the counter to read the letter Haley had wrote to him. As Nathan began to read it, more tears spilled; Haley was wrong, the whole letter was wrong. Nathan still did love her, and he could never replace her with Peyton— he could never replace Haley. In another section, Haley had written that she was a disappointment to him, and no she was not. He was just too stubborn to forgive her. His pride, his stupid pride took over.
Once Nathan was finished reading the letter, he turned to the divorce papers, and tore them up to little pieces in anger. She was still his wife; no papers could ever deny that.
In a matter of minutes the ambulance came into the apartment and took Haley's lifeless body away. From that point on, everything went in slow motion in Nathan's eyes. The men taking Haley away, Brooke explaining to the men what had happened, while Lucas was still on the floor sobbing away, still not wanting to talk to anyone. Though, the most painful scene was when the ambulance men were taking Haley away. Not from the apartment, but from Nathan's life.
Haley had killed herself because of him, because she thought he would finally be happy. How could this be happy? Nathan felt like the worst person on earth; his wife had just killed herself because of him and with the thought that he didn't love her. In addition, Nathan couldn't do anything to bring his wife back. He couldn't save Haley, and it was his entire fault.
