When a high class courtesan witnesses a murder, Iruka's mission is to take his place until the murderer can be found and brought to justice. Playing prostitute couldn't go more wrong: he's pawed by perverted old men, he can't identify the suspect, and his contact—the only one who knows why he's in the brothel—is killed. Someone has to get him out of there without breaking his cover.

Blushing is the colour of virtue
-Diogenes


Prologue

Tsunade frowned as she stared at the scroll on her desk.

'I have nothing to ask but that you would remove to the other side, that you may not, by intercepting this sunshine, take from me what you cannot give.'

Clearly, Iruka had run into a problem.

"Get me Kakashi, now!"


Part One

Something is wrong.

Iruka could feel it. The office was packed with courtesans and guards and hummed with tension. The guards had rounded them up before breakfast and were none too gentle about it.

Iruka was panicked because he didn't know how to act around the others. Was Yumiko friendly? Aloof? Disliked? Flamboyant?

Within moments Haru-sama entered the room. He looked grim. He walked to Rikuto-sama's desk and leaned on the desk, pounding his fist upon the desk. Most everyone in the room jumped—Iruka too, timing it just right. After a few more minutes of silence, a low murmur began and Iruka started feeling panicky again.

Haru came around the desk and leaned on it. There was a long box on a low stand just in front of the desk. Haru stared at it speculatively. "Rikuto-sama is ill, so I'm speaking on his behalf. Yumiko? Come up here."

Warily, Iruka moved to rise, but before he could do so a guard came over and yanked him up by his arm. Iruka stumbled as he was dragged to the desk.

Haru smiled. "Open the box for me, Yumi-chan."

The guard was holding Iruka by the elbows, too tightly for him to actually reach out to the box. He moved just as Haru kicked the box over. Someone screamed and Iruka looked down. His stomach rolled as he recognised Minoru.

Minoru's hands were bound and his throat slashed. The bartender had been his contact to Tsunade. He was Rikuto-sama's nephew, part of the reason why Iruka was here, and the only one who knew who he was, what he was, and where he was. Innocent, and now dead.

Iruka went limp and the guard let him drop. He crumpled to the floor trying to think, trying to focus.

Do not panic. Tsunade will be able to get me out. Did the message get out? Have they intercepted it? They might already know. If they killed Minoru, what are they going to do to me?

"Let this be a lesson for all of you whores. Minoru was found sending love letters. And did you know? That is not allowed!" Haru yelled and the entire room was stunned into silence.

Haru never yelled in front of customers. He was a parody, a stereotype of an old prostitute, lording his lifetime of work over the younger courtesans and acting as if he was above them, while bitter and jealous of their youth, talents, and transient beauty.

Rikuto-sama had never acted like this toward them, but he'd not seen his assistant's cruelty behind the scenes. Rikuto-sama had treated them as family, Yumiko had told Iruka.

This was a brothel for the wealthiest classes: nobles and politicians. They might have been prostitutes, but they were the highest class to be found, healthy and well kept. Rikuto-sama treated them as well as he did his clients.

Iruka stayed on the floor, most of his fear feigned, but for a small wild terror that was building into panic. He took slow breaths, knowing it made him look scared, but also knowing it would help calm him.

Two weeks ago he'd been assigned this mission. Rikuto-sama was dead, but no one knew it. A courtesan had witnessed the murder. Oddly enough, the courtesan was spared. The courtesan didn't know who the murdered was, but knew he was a ninja.

He'd told the bartender Minoru, a nephew of Rikuto-sama, what he'd seen. Minoru had immediately told the Daimyo, a close family friend of Rikuto-sama's, who in turn contacted Tsunade.

Fearing for the courtesan's life, and desperate for his testimony, the Hokage sent Iruka to trade places with Yumiko-chan and try to identify the ninja so they could bring him to trial, hopefully without any more murders. Rikuto-sama's murder was not his first. And Minoru was proof that it wouldn't be his last.

So far, the ninja had not shown up and Iruka still had no clue as to his identity. He didn't know his name, only that he had long, bushy black hair and lines on his cheek. Minoru had never seen the man and the courtesan who'd been closest to Yumiko was clueless as to his identity. He'd have to figure it out when, if, the man came calling on Yumiko.

Accordingly, he was stuck until that happened. It was bad enough having to pretend to be a prostitute, but now Haru was spreading the lie that Rikuto-sama was ill instead of dead. All the courtesans were threatened, but none of them knew it.

Now Iruka's only contact was dead.

Now Iruka was screwed.

Breaking into his thoughts, Haru stomped closer to where the courtesans sat and began doing what he did best: harping. "From now on, you are no longer allowed downstairs without an escort. There will be no congregating in the kitchens and no visits outside. Your rooms will be checked and we will be watching. No more shopping in the mornings. No more gathering in empty rooms. Two at a time, that's the limit. Your curfew is ten if you don't have a client. And there will be no more letters!" He looked at Iruka as he added the last part.

"Where is Rikuto-sama?" asked Akane, a young round-faced man who'd only come to the brothel a week before Iruka. He had a soft voice and the entire brothel seemed to go silent when he sang, even Harpy-Haru.

"He's ill, I told you! Don't worry about him, worry about me, I'm your lord now. Get out of here and go prepare yourselves." Haru sighed, hand rubbing his forehead. He moved back to his desk and waved his other arm as he sat. "All but Yumiko. Bring him to me."

The same guard from before came over to Iruka, now standing, and dragged him behind Haru's desk. The guard shoved him to the floor again, pushing his shoulders so that Iruka was bowing before Haru.

"I know it was you, Yumi-chan. I don't know who your lover is, but when I find out, you'll pay."

"I don't have—"

"Shut up." Haru reached out and smacked Iruka on the side of his head. Iruka flinched. Though it didn't hurt, it was a little unexpected.

"Minoru told us what he was sending. 'Just a love letter, please,'" mimicked Haru in a desperate voice. "'Please sir, he's my cousin.' Bah. Letters are not allowed and Minoru knew it. You know it too. But," he said, motioning grandly, "Since I could not find the letter, I'm going to be lenient with you. More lenient than I was with Minoru, but he fought back. That couldn't be helped. You shouldn't have been plotting with your lover."

"Thank you sir." Iruka's voice was muffled from his head hanging over. But it was a good thing. Haru didn't need to see the rage he felt.

"You may go. But behave, Yumi-chan. I'm going to be watching you," he warbled the last line out like he was singing.

Irritated by the exchange—how dare they blame me for Minoru's death?—Iruka rose to leave the room. He knew it was his fault, he didn't need their accusations.

"Oh, how could I forget?" mused Haru in an overly dramatic voice just as Iruka reached the door. Iruka turned to face him. "I had a message regarding you. Kenta-sama is eager to see his Yumi-chan. He'll be calling on you soon." He smiled, waiting for Iruka's reaction apparently.

Kenta-sama?

Iruka ducked his head in lieu of response, hoping that was good enough.

Haru laughed. "Oh I hope you do behave, because if I have to send you to my guards for a lesson in obedience, he won't be happy. He likes to think you're all his. So keep that in mind. Go, now." Haru bent to begin writing and the grinning guard pushed Iruka out the door, walking him back upstairs to his room.

How do I get messages out now?