Artemis Fowl
The Forgotten Files
Eleven-year-old Artemis Fowl was at the moment sitting in school, listening to the teacher ramble on about someone he already knew, and did not particularly care about. When is this teacher going to stop her incessant drabble and give us something of a challenge? He pondered. It was only the fourth day, and he was bored already.
"Now," said Miss Wade, "using the method I just showed you, does anyone know the answer to this?"
Artemis looked up, she was pointing at an insultingly easy math problem. He rolled his eyes, only everyone in Europe.
"Billy, do you know the answer?" Miss Wade said with a huge smile.
Billy scratched his head, letting dandruff fall onto his shirt. Artemis was disgusted; didn't these people bathe?
"Umm…." Billy murmured, looking thoroughly confused. "Two?"
If Artemis had been anyone but himself he would have proceeded to bang his head on the desk. Two? How can seventeen multiplied by twenty-four be two? How unintelligent are these people?
Miss Wade seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Artemis, how about you? Do you know the answer?"
Oh, I have no idea, he thought sarcastically. "Four hundred and eight." He said with a sigh.
"Very good, Artemis, and how did you get it? Why don't you come up the board and show us your work?"
Artemis fixed her with an icy stare. "I did it in my head. It was tediously easy."
Miss Wade's smile got substantial smaller. "You did that math problem inside your head?"
Artemis' voice got even colder; this lady obviously had limited cranial functions. "Yes mademoiselle, I did that math problem inside my head."
One of the other students, a girl with long red pigtails, put her hand in air and started waving it profusely. The teacher, who was still looking at Artemis inquisitively did not notice.
"Miss…" The girl whined. "Miss…!"
Miss Wade snapped out of her daze. "Yes—I'm so sorry dear, I forgot your name."
The girl flipped her hair over her shoulder. "It's Leslie. And don't mind Artemis, he's always been like that, always. I've been in his class every year. Artemis has the answer to everything. And he isn't very nice about it either." At that Leslie turned around and stuck her tongue out at Artemis.
The teacher smiled kindly at Leslie and laughed softly. "Come now Leslie, he can't be that bad."
Leslie's eyes became huge and angelic. "But he is Miss! He made our teacher last year cry—" Leslie started counting off her fingers. "—Eight times! He made Mrs. Jackson cry eight different times."
Artemis was starting to get annoyed at this little girl and her extremely loose lips. It wasn't nearly as fun when the teacher knew what they had coming. Artemis thought about getting Butler to close this infuriating person's mouth permanently, but decided that to be a bad idea.
The teacher's composure just seemed to slump. If he was as bad as Leslie said, and oh, it seemed like he was as bad as Leslie said, she couldn't comprehend how she was going to be able to deal with this pithy, vampiric creature all year long. No wonder the teacher she was replacing had suddenly gone into early retirement for reasons of mental health. "Well, uh— thank you for that enlightening information, Leslie,"
Leslie smiled hugely; it was enough to make Artemis sick. "You're welcome, Miss."
Artemis rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair. Fixing his icy gaze on the classroom clock. Only three more minutes, then I can get out of this horrid place, go home and do something productive. Artemis started tapping his long slender fingers on the desk to pass the time. He looked around the room, that insufferable Leslie was still looking at him out of the corner of her eye. She had a smug smile plastered on her face. Artemis vowed that something was going to be done about her. The teacher looked thoroughly relieved when the bell rang. Artemis smiled his special smile, at least that had gone correctly.
Artemis stopped Leslie outside the classroom. "I would advise you not to do that again." He said without a trace of emotion showing.
Leslie noisily chewed a big wad of bright pink bubble gum. "What are going to do about it?"
Artemis leaned closer, until his face was no more than a foot from Leslie's "It is not what I will do that should worry you. It is what Butler will do if he finds out." At that Artemis turned and began to walk away.
Leslie paled for a moment, than regained her composure. "I'm not scared of you, Artemis!"
Artemis turned back around, grinning hugely. "I know you're not, but you should be." With that ominous statement hanging in the air, Artemis walked out the school's front doors.
The Fowl's Bentley was waiting outside, with Butler sitting in the driver's seat. Artemis slid into the back, dumping his various school things beside him.
Butler studied Artemis' face. "Tough day?"
Artemis nodded. "The teacher is an idiot, I don't think any of the males in my class have ever heard of soap, and that Leslie girl won't leave me alone."
Butler chuckled. "Maybe she likes you."
Artemis looked utterly horrified. "That is not funny."
Butler just smiled. "No, but it may be true."
Artemis waved his hands in a dismissive fashion. "Never mind that, when is my father to get home?"
Butler thought about it for a moment. "Next week sometime, I think. You can never be sure with these business trips."
When they pulled up to Fowl Manner a few minutes later, Juliet was sitting on the steps looking very agitated. She was ringing her hands in a nervous fashion and seemed to be muttering to herself. She looked up and saw the car door opening.
"Artemis." She said urgently, and slightly too loudly. "Artemis, you have to come inside right now! Something completely horrible has happened!"
Artemis looked utterly confused but let Juliet drag him into the house by his arm. Butler was following close behind, his hand hovering over where he kept his gun. Inside one of the many rooms with television sets Mrs. Fowl was sprawled on the plush sofa, crying her eyes out.
Artemis' eyes were fixed on the big screen television. On it, it showed 'The Fowl Star' up in flames. The newscaster's words swirled around Artemis' head. Apparent attack by the Russian Mafiya, Everyone suspected dead. Artemis fell to his knees, and for just a second he was no more than a normal, lost, eleven-year-old boy.
