The phone rings. I pick it up instantly.
"Hello?"
"Angel," comes the quiet voice on the other end.
My voice catches for a moment. I wanted her to call.
"Are you there?" she sounded frightened.
"Yeah, I'm here. What is it?" I try to be casual. It was only three in the morning.
"Can you come over?"
She can't see me. I know what time it is. I still check my watch.
"Now?" She's so quiet. Like she was asleep a moment ago.
"Is something wrong?" The question pops from my mind.
"No... I just can't sleep. I want to see you."
"Okay," I say quickly. Stupid. "I'll be over in a minute."
"Alright. The door's unlocked."
I hang up and stand up, moving across my room for my coat. I wonder why she can't sleep, if maybe she had a bad dream.
I wonder why she wanted me. She makes me feel unworthy. She's so pure. But I could never have something like that, something so content. I couldn't risk becoming someone who would not only break her heart but her body.
I take my time walking down the stairs, avoiding the squeaky one. I can hear every breath of my sleeping comrades as I open the front door. I smell their mortality as I walk to the road. I look around. There's nobody there, but I can still feel the warm places where bodies stood hours before.
I get into my car. The drive is quick, the roads mostly unoccupied. It takes me about fifteen minutes. Los Angeles doesn't quite sleep, but then again it has an unfair advantage: there are vampires.
There's her building. I park the car in the garage, next to hers. It's a beaten up, shoddy place, but if it makes her happy... I don't lock the door, but simply get out and walk up the steel stairs, skipping the rusty one. I hear the seldom breath inside a dirty window. Not many here.
I stop at her door, my first instinct to knock, but she's let me in before. I open the door—it's unlocked, like she said it would be—and slip into the dark hall. She likes the dark, even though she has day-walker's eyes. Beautiful, hazel eyes meant only for the sun. She keeps it dark for me. She's so considerate.
The door makes a soft noise behind me as I let it slide closed. Her smell is everywhere: her perfume, her portal essence. It's so beautiful I wanted to lay down on the carpet and breathe where she had stepped. I hear the rogue car hum down the street. She lives in town.
She doesn't have to say anything: I know where she is. I hang my jacket on the empty peg by the door, just like it belongs there. She always leaves me a peg. We should get pegs at home, and I'll leave her one and tell the others that it's for visitors. She'll never use it, but it will still be there.
I walk a few steps down the hall. It's a short hall. Her apartment is a small one. I catch a glimpse of the little living room, seeing the traces of her existence, then turn left into her room. I'm in the doorway and she looks up at me. Her blinds are open and the street lamp outside makes a glow on her bed.
She's sitting on the left side of the bed in white sweatpants and a tank top. Her hair is down. I can tell she didn't blow dry it tonight because it's still wavy. I can still smell her shampoo. She's hugging her knees against her chest, resting her chin on top. I smile.
"I promise there's no monster in the closet," I tease her. She smiles. My heart leaps.
She gestures for me to come there with her hand. I move like lead from the doorway, sitting down on the other side of the bed from her. She always left me the side closest to the door. I move over so that I'm beside her, letting my feet stretch out on the bed. She falls against my chest, her small hands taking gentle handfuls of my black shirt. She lays her head against my neck.
"You're feverish," I touch her cheek, pretending that it's just to check her temperature.
"You re cold. It feels good."
My heart takes a splinter at the icy reminder of what I am, what I'm not free to do. Inside I wince. She didn't mean to, I know. She accepts what I am. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, holding her arm, and use the other to hold her waist. I pull her against me, leaning my chin against her forehead.
"I'll help the fever go away."
"You gave me the fever."
I look at her curiously, a question on my face. She looks up at me, her eyes sad and pleading for something my entire being wished to give. I can't let it go too far. I'll test my limits.
Holding her tightly, I lean slowly, waiting for her cold rejection or a bitter blow. She meets me tenderly, kissing me submissively. She's warm. I must be cold. I sigh against her and she pulls me downwards until I lie atop her, making love to her with my mouth. It's the best I can do.
She holds me about the neck. My hand touches her face, the other supports me against the mattress. I don't want to crush her. We stop and she cradles my head against her chest. I tremble, listening to her heartbeat, glad she can't see my tears in the dark.
"Will you stay?" she whispers. Her breathing is hypnotic. It's the most beautiful creation of life I've ever seen.
"As long as I can. I don't want the others to miss me," I speak hollowly, lying through my teeth
I wouldn't leave.
The minutes passed, the hours as well. She was asleep, and I stayed awake to savor her mortal body in any way I could. I touched her hands, I watched her face. I listened to her heart and I inhaled her hair. I stayed until the sun stung my skin, then slowly slipped away into the dusk.
I took my coat and locked the door, then slipped out through the fire escape. I went down the stairs and walked to my car. I got in, started the engine, and put the top up. I rolled up the dark windows and pulled out into the street, starting home. I smiled, wanting to laugh, but tears came instead. I cried and cried.
I got home and walked to my room, stepping over the squeaky step so that I wouldn't wake my friends. It was still early. In my room, I took off my clothes and laid them on the bed, spread out so they would cover as much of my bed as possible. Then I laid down on them, inhaling her smell, clinging the slipping warmth until again I could not feel them and the precious odor disappeared...
"Hello?"
"Angel," comes the quiet voice on the other end.
My voice catches for a moment. I wanted her to call.
"Are you there?" she sounded frightened.
"Yeah, I'm here. What is it?" I try to be casual. It was only three in the morning.
"Can you come over?"
She can't see me. I know what time it is. I still check my watch.
"Now?" She's so quiet. Like she was asleep a moment ago.
"Is something wrong?" The question pops from my mind.
"No... I just can't sleep. I want to see you."
"Okay," I say quickly. Stupid. "I'll be over in a minute."
"Alright. The door's unlocked."
I hang up and stand up, moving across my room for my coat. I wonder why she can't sleep, if maybe she had a bad dream.
I wonder why she wanted me. She makes me feel unworthy. She's so pure. But I could never have something like that, something so content. I couldn't risk becoming someone who would not only break her heart but her body.
I take my time walking down the stairs, avoiding the squeaky one. I can hear every breath of my sleeping comrades as I open the front door. I smell their mortality as I walk to the road. I look around. There's nobody there, but I can still feel the warm places where bodies stood hours before.
I get into my car. The drive is quick, the roads mostly unoccupied. It takes me about fifteen minutes. Los Angeles doesn't quite sleep, but then again it has an unfair advantage: there are vampires.
There's her building. I park the car in the garage, next to hers. It's a beaten up, shoddy place, but if it makes her happy... I don't lock the door, but simply get out and walk up the steel stairs, skipping the rusty one. I hear the seldom breath inside a dirty window. Not many here.
I stop at her door, my first instinct to knock, but she's let me in before. I open the door—it's unlocked, like she said it would be—and slip into the dark hall. She likes the dark, even though she has day-walker's eyes. Beautiful, hazel eyes meant only for the sun. She keeps it dark for me. She's so considerate.
The door makes a soft noise behind me as I let it slide closed. Her smell is everywhere: her perfume, her portal essence. It's so beautiful I wanted to lay down on the carpet and breathe where she had stepped. I hear the rogue car hum down the street. She lives in town.
She doesn't have to say anything: I know where she is. I hang my jacket on the empty peg by the door, just like it belongs there. She always leaves me a peg. We should get pegs at home, and I'll leave her one and tell the others that it's for visitors. She'll never use it, but it will still be there.
I walk a few steps down the hall. It's a short hall. Her apartment is a small one. I catch a glimpse of the little living room, seeing the traces of her existence, then turn left into her room. I'm in the doorway and she looks up at me. Her blinds are open and the street lamp outside makes a glow on her bed.
She's sitting on the left side of the bed in white sweatpants and a tank top. Her hair is down. I can tell she didn't blow dry it tonight because it's still wavy. I can still smell her shampoo. She's hugging her knees against her chest, resting her chin on top. I smile.
"I promise there's no monster in the closet," I tease her. She smiles. My heart leaps.
She gestures for me to come there with her hand. I move like lead from the doorway, sitting down on the other side of the bed from her. She always left me the side closest to the door. I move over so that I'm beside her, letting my feet stretch out on the bed. She falls against my chest, her small hands taking gentle handfuls of my black shirt. She lays her head against my neck.
"You're feverish," I touch her cheek, pretending that it's just to check her temperature.
"You re cold. It feels good."
My heart takes a splinter at the icy reminder of what I am, what I'm not free to do. Inside I wince. She didn't mean to, I know. She accepts what I am. I wrap my arm around her shoulders, holding her arm, and use the other to hold her waist. I pull her against me, leaning my chin against her forehead.
"I'll help the fever go away."
"You gave me the fever."
I look at her curiously, a question on my face. She looks up at me, her eyes sad and pleading for something my entire being wished to give. I can't let it go too far. I'll test my limits.
Holding her tightly, I lean slowly, waiting for her cold rejection or a bitter blow. She meets me tenderly, kissing me submissively. She's warm. I must be cold. I sigh against her and she pulls me downwards until I lie atop her, making love to her with my mouth. It's the best I can do.
She holds me about the neck. My hand touches her face, the other supports me against the mattress. I don't want to crush her. We stop and she cradles my head against her chest. I tremble, listening to her heartbeat, glad she can't see my tears in the dark.
"Will you stay?" she whispers. Her breathing is hypnotic. It's the most beautiful creation of life I've ever seen.
"As long as I can. I don't want the others to miss me," I speak hollowly, lying through my teeth
I wouldn't leave.
The minutes passed, the hours as well. She was asleep, and I stayed awake to savor her mortal body in any way I could. I touched her hands, I watched her face. I listened to her heart and I inhaled her hair. I stayed until the sun stung my skin, then slowly slipped away into the dusk.
I took my coat and locked the door, then slipped out through the fire escape. I went down the stairs and walked to my car. I got in, started the engine, and put the top up. I rolled up the dark windows and pulled out into the street, starting home. I smiled, wanting to laugh, but tears came instead. I cried and cried.
I got home and walked to my room, stepping over the squeaky step so that I wouldn't wake my friends. It was still early. In my room, I took off my clothes and laid them on the bed, spread out so they would cover as much of my bed as possible. Then I laid down on them, inhaling her smell, clinging the slipping warmth until again I could not feel them and the precious odor disappeared...
