M.I. High in the style of South Park. Two of my favorite shows right now combined, it's half the inspiration of why my stories are so dirty and gory. I like combining softer shows I like and combining it with the premise of edgier shit I like. South Park, Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Wendy and all that shit belongs to South Park Studios and Comedy Central (and really it belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker) and M.I. High belongs to Kudos Film & Television and CBBC. (don't sue me boys). This story is WAY more likely to offend than Purple Haze (which by the way I'm not abandoning). I want to keep in with the humor of South Park, no watering down.
This story is going to be a combination of multiple South Park episodes that I consider my favorites so far molded into one. This story disregards some of the character relationships within M.I. High; Scoop Doggy is part of the main four buddies that make up The Boys in this story. There's no mention of any spy-related stuff in here, not as events in the story anyway, only in past tense. No M.I. in this story, just the High.
Cast:
Blane Whittaker
Daisy Millar
Stewart Critchley
Rose Gupta
Mr. Flatley
Mrs. King
Oscar Cole
Scoop Doggy
Avril Franklin
Lenny Bicknall
The Season 6-7 spies (Dan, Tom, Aneisha, Zoe from Season 6, and Keri from Season 7)
Act I
Blane Whittaker, Stewart Critchley, Oscar Cole, and Scoop Doggy are four St. Hopes High School students that hang out all the time. At the bus stop waiting for school, as autumn term has arrived, they belt out one of the songs that was recently on the radio; 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas. All of a sudden, Stewart's little brother Wilson runs up to them.
"Oh not again! My little brother's trying to follow me to school again!", Stewart says, disgruntled.
Wilson does a little babbling as he's a toddler.
"Wilson, you can't come to school with me!"
Wilson begins bouncing around anyway.
"Yeah, go home ya dildo!" Scoop says.
"Oy Scoop don't call my brother a dildo!" Stewart fires back.
"What is a dildo?" Blane asks like a dumbass.
"It ain't something that should be explained, Blane! Little kid's like what, four?" Oscar growl/whispers.
Scoop happily describes what a dildo means.
"It's a fake penis that girls stick up their assholes because they're too ugly to get some real dick! Hahaha, that's what your little brother is, Stew, amirite?"
Stewart grabs Wilson and swings him into Scoop knocking Scoop over. Wilson just giggled.
"Mate, that kicks arse!" Blane exclaimed.
"Yeah, check this one out! Ready Wil? Kick the baby!" Stewart declared.
"Down't kihck the baybee!" Wilson muttered.
"Kick the baby!" Stewart repeated, kicking Wilson into the air and landing across the road, smashing into a pile of mailboxes.
Oscar yawned really hard.
"Gee Oscar, looks like you got no sleep last night!" Blane said.
"That's because I was having these bogus nightmares." Oscar muttered.
"Really, what about?" Stewart asked.
"Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed, tossing and turning because I could get no sleep, and then this figure comes climbing through the window. That figure turned out to be Avril Franklin, you know her right? Well she was creeping towards me while having this really horrifying voice, she was like...'Oscaarr...Oscar...I looove you!' and then she yanks me out of my bed and drags me to the bathroom, then she fuckin' ties me to a chair, gags me and starts saying, "I finally have you Oscar, all to myself...she just sat with me and started saying everything she wanted to do to me, then she unties me and puts me back in bed. It was the weirdest thing."
As Oscar is talking, Blane begins to notice marks on Oscar's mouth and arms, and begins to get startled. "Uh mate...you sure that was a dream? I'm pretty sure there's marks on your mouth." Oscar, oblivious, denies it. "Man I swear it was a dream. I really felt that way. I was still groggy from sleep at the bathroom this morning and was brushing the sides of my mouth instead so that could have been it."
The school bus pulls up; the bus driver is Mr. Stark, a crazy inept motherfucker that hates the kids. Wilson is still horsing around, to which Stewart again declares; "Kick the baby!", and kicks Wilson who smashes through the bus windows and lands on the ground still giggling like crazy without any bloody injury. The boys board the bus. As Oscar walks on, Blane asks, "Why are you walking funny?". They board the bus to a whole host of students. Daisy and her two friends Kaleigh and Zara are squeezed in one of the two people seats, Avril is sitting at the back by herself, Donovan Butler and Davina Berry are sitting in the middle to the left, Fifty Pence and his posse are gathered behind Rose Gupta, throwing scrunched up paper at her repeatedly. The rest are just there.
Luckily for The Boys, the perfect combination of seats was available just for them. "Good mornin', Mr. Stark!" Not before Mr. Stark bites their head off. "SIDDOWN, WE'RE RUNNIN' LATE YOU WANKERS!". The four sit down but the bus jolts off just before they sat down, knocking them all to the ground. Fifty Pence looks over and starts laughing. "Look at them, they're all on top of each other like FAGS!" to the laughter of his posse. Scoop gets up and glares at Fifty, his rival and his most hated person, and as the bus is riding, walks over to Fifty's seat.
"Oy mate, don't you remember the money you owe me?" Scoop says, turning from laughing to sinisterly angry.
Fifty's smile drops too. "What...what fuckin' money?"
"The 50 quid you promised me on Friday eh? Where is it?"
"Haven't got it on me man..."
Scoop takes off his hat and headphones and hands them to The Boys.
"Remember what I said I'd do to you if you didn't?" Scoop growls.
"What, you're gonna smash me, huh?" Fifty says.
Scoop puts up his fists. "Come on man, right here, on this bus, I'm going to smash ya, mate!"
Fifty gets up and in the narrow aisle the two square up. Finally, Fifty attempts to throw the first hit, and the entire back of the bus descends into heavy chaos. Avril, sitting at the back, tried calling out to Mr. Stark, but she was drowned out by the mess, shouting, the sound of fist hitting face, and chants of "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT" and "FUCK, shit, fuckin' cunt!". Mr. Stark, who was as bulletproof protected as one of those big city taxi drivers with the phone you pull out to talk to, couldn't hear a fucking thing. Noticed a few jolts right enough, but just shrugged it off.
Meanwhile in the back, Scoop and Fifty were beating each other up but Scoop was clearly winning this. Scoop picked up Fifty and smashed him through the bus window, flinging Fifty onto the road where he was further catapulted by a speeding cop car and smashed into a Tesco sign nearby. Scoop turns back to the Boys and says, "Hah, Tesco's fuckin cheap, just like him, he's worth his stupid nickname. Pfft."
Rose looks at him. "What about your name, Scoop Doggy? Scoop a doggy's feces, right?".
Everyone begins to laugh at Scoop. "Shut up ya fuckin' dork!" he shrugs and says.
He sits back in his seat.
The bus arrives at the school. Oscar's still limping, which the other boys begin to notice. "Um man, you're limping."
"Y-yeah, dunno why."
Their class begins to gather at the auditorium as the principal steps up to do a speech on the upcoming events of the Autumn term. However, it was not Flatley. It was a fill-in that was there for the first week as Flatley sorted other matters out with the school board on preparing him for the term's events. An American man going by the name Principal Richard Vernon. St. Hopes, who were visited by the students from Shermer High School, decided to hire Vernon on to replace Flatley for the time being.
"Well...looks like we made it on time. It is now 8:46. A new term has begun. The fun's over. You are now back to hopefully learning and getting disciplined as you should be. No phones. No talking while the teacher is talking. Do not get out of your seats. You've been warned. Don't mess with the bull kids, you'll get the horns."
The boys are sitting together, secretly trading joints and eating cheese puffs. Scoop has noise canceling headphones, blaring out Lil Wayne at it's fullest level. Vernon notices this and walks up to Scoop's seat, pushes the headphones off of Scoop's heads down to his neck and presses the stop button on his phone. "And that means you, too, Mr. Hip Boy.".
"Fuck off you fuckin' fogey, you mean nuffin to me mate, jack shit!" Scoop yells. "You better watch your mouth young man or you'll end up being in detention for the rest of your school life, you hear me?"
Scoop's already blasted his noise canceling headphones up again and starts banging his head around. Vernon just storms off. "Alright, alright, just wait."
The students walk to their classes. Mrs. King is teaching the class. "Who can tell me why people fail exams?" she confrontingly asks to the class. "Donovan?"
Donovan, acting fidgety asks; "Uh...is the answer B?"
"Stupidity, that is one reason!" Mrs. King replies, half as a diss to Donovan.
Mrs. King waves around her pointing stick. "But most people fail...because of fear! So...I thought we could discuss some of the other fears that we may have!"
Mrs. King walks to the blackboard and pulls down a massive sign that reads:
Fighting The Fear Workshop
Mrs. King reads the words aloud as she points to them. "Okay...so Timothy!", referring to Scoop Doggy's real name.
"You first. What might you be afraid of?"
Scoop sits back and laughs. "Your fuckin' ugly witch hag face!" to the laughter of the three other boys. "Do you really want to push it harder this time Timothy?" she commands. Scoop isn't backing down. "Ew fuck no, not up you!" holding in laughter. "Get out, report to Mr. Vernon right now with your foul dirty mouth!"
"Alright sir!" he says mockingly again, to a fuming Mrs. King.
"So...what about you...Oscar?"
Oscar: "Avril sitting next to me, miss."
Avril is sitting next to him, with a quite giddy look on her face.
Mrs. King: "Seems like Oscar wants to join Timothy with Mr. Vernon, huh!"
Oscar: "Yes please, get me out of sitting next to Avril in EVERY class, she looks like she wants to fuck me! It's creepy!"
Mrs. King: "Avril is just happy that she has someone to sit next to, maybe you should give her a chance? Or do you wish to keep on making inflammatory outrageous remarks about her!"
Oscar runs out the class. "She's a fuckin' creep pure and simple!"
Avril's smile dropped and tears began trickling down her eyes. But it wasn't because of what you think.
"Down to Mr. Vernon you go, boy! Anyway, Blane, what are you afraid of?"
"Fifty Pence's BO."
The class is half "Oooooooh" and laughing at the joke. Mrs. King is not impressed. "Wow, it's like dominoes, isn't it? One by one being toppled down! Go up to Mr. Vernon."
"No."
The class went silent. Nobody had ever said "No." to Mrs. King. King begins to feel challenged up front. "What did you say, Whittaker?"
"I said I ain't goin' to Mr. Vernon's office!"
Daisy looks over at Blane and attempts to signal to him; "Don't do it!"
Blane sticks his finger up at her.
"What was that?" King further asks. "Making an obscene gesture at a classmate? Are you asking for a suspension?"
Blane pffts. "Maybe!"
Fifty Pence, bandaged up, arrives in the class, fucked up but still attempting to act confident. Stewart waits until Fifty sits down and uses Mrs. King's distraction as advantage to get up and declare: "Kick the baby!", and swiftly kicks Fifty through the window, flying through the courtyard and taking out Lenny Bicknall, the janitor, completely.
They run up to the window. "Oh my god! He killed Lenny! You bastard!" Stewart yells in an obvious South Park reference even though he was the one that kicked Fifty.
Mrs. King yells in astonishment. "Oh my GOD! STEWART! STEWART! GET OUT OF THIS CLASS RIGHT NOW!"
Stewart shrugs with no fucks given and walks out the class.
Mrs. King walks up to Avril who is crying. "I'm sorry about this class Avril, do you want to swap?"
Avril was really crying about Oscar. And not what he called her either.
Blane sneaks out and runs to Mr. Vernon's temporary office.
"How would you like to be suspended?" he overhears Vernon growl.
"How would you like to suck my balls!" Scoop fires back.
"Excuse me, what did you say?"
"Oh sorry Mr. Vermin Man...I...I...what I said was..."
Scoop grabs Flatley's megaphone that was sitting nearby and announces: "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, MR. VERNON?"
He heard Oscar, who was dragged into the office by Mr. Vernon too, utter; "Holy shit dude."
"Alright that's it, I'm phoning your parents and you are on a week's suspension, young man."
Oscar laughed.
"You think that's funny Oscar? You go see Timothy Hinklebottom (pointing to Scoop) in five years and you'll see how god damn funny he is!"
"You know what else is funny? I've got a plan to take a nice steamy hard long shit in your wife's mouth while she's fuckin asleep, eh? If she's ugly too that's even better!" Scoop giggled.
Vernon stood out of his chair and barked: "Get out of my office!"
Scoop didn't flinch at the yelling but got out anyway like he was casually leaving. "And you Oscar, what did Avril do to you that constitutes as being a creep, huh?" Oscar was at a loss of words because he began to think...what if his bogus nightmare about Avril tying him up was real and the marks on his mouth were from being gagged for real?
Scoop left, and saw Blane. "Man, that principal's a fuckin' two-bit brownie hound faggot fuck!" he said to Blane. The two walked off together.
End of Act I.
Longest chapter of anything I've ever written? Who knows. Thanks for reading.
