How long does a crush last? Does it depend on how close you are to the object of our obsession? Will it fade or grow with distance?
Do you silently worship them from afar, analyzing every gesture they make? Or perhaps you are one of the unlucky souls who have the added torture of having to interact with your crush on a regular basis.
That's the category I've recently found myself in whenever Noah enters the same room. I become hyper aware of him, of how near or far he is from me.
Him. God, where do I even start with the problems that arise from that pronoun?
It's become so distracting. Unfortunately, I haven't matured enough to know how to handle the situation, so instead of brushing aside these feelings I get irritated and passively take it out on him. I've begun snapping at him for the smallest thing. If he breaths too hard or if he doesn't pay attention to me. Whenever he calls me out on my bullshit I just play it off as stress from work and apologize until he is satisfied. Sometimes it IS stressful at work but that's because I constantly doubt myself. One minute I think I've got everything under control, and then he just looks at me, and I feel like I've been tossed into the deep end of a pool and forgotten how to swim.
I want to see him laugh and cry and get upset even if it is at me. I want to know that I matter to him. It's like a sickness spreading inside me, infecting my brain so all my thoughts are of him, irritating my skin until I itch to be near him.
Rex paused in his writing, chewing on the pen's cap he re-reads what he had written so far. He considered tearing out the page it was a little melodramatic, but that was how he felt right now.
Holiday had told him it would be a good idea to get his thoughts down. Not only as a record of his memories in case of another bout of amnesia, but as a way to express himself without having to rely on another person. Though lately his journal had stopped reading like record and more like a teenage girl's diary. It was filling up with thoughts just like the ones he had written down; thoughts of Noah. Of him and Noah.
"This is all crap," Rex muttered under his breath, and giving into his early urge he tore the last four pages of his journal out. He balled the pages together, putting as much of his frustration into the action as he could muster.
Taking aim at his waste basket he lined up his shot and flicked his wrist as Noah taught him. Despite his teacher's instructions the shot fell short and the paper ball bounced off the rim, and the pages fall apart on the floor.
"We really need to work on your ball skills," Noah said coming into the room.
"Gah! I mean, hey Noe. What's up?"
Noah crossed his arms over his chest and eyed Rex. "That's my line."
"Oh. Um, the ceiling?"
"Cute." Noah's gaze moved from Rex to the crumbled papers littering the floor. Moving away from the door he bent over to pick up the trash.
"Don't touch that," Rex dove for the paper before Noah could pick one up.
"Ho, ho, ho, what are writing about that naughty dream of Holiday again?"
Rex snatched the papers out of his reach. "No. And that only happened once."
"Sure, it did, Rex," Noah smirked not believing him. "What was it she said?" He asked sprawling over Rex's bed dramatically, placing the back of his hand to his forehead. "Take me, Rex. Right here, right now. In front of everybody, I'm yours!" He said in a falsetto voice until he devolved into laughter.
Rex just stared at him wide eyed.
When he doesn't hear Rex laugh with him Noah looked over at the EVO. "What's the matter with you?"
Rex closed his mouth and forced the thoughts away. "Nothing. You're just a shitty actor."
"Oh ouch, there goes my Oscar."
That time Rex did laugh. "I think I'm going need a new notebook. I tore out more pages than I meant to."
"Do I smell a trip to the mall?"
"That's probably Bobo's shorts." Rex said tossing a pair of pair of shorts at Noah's head. They were a clean pair of his, but Noah didn't know that.
"Oh my god, gross!" Noah shrieked and darted out of the way of the incoming bio-hazard. "Did it touch me? Did it touch me?" Noah turned to let Rex check him. The shorts in question hung on the blond's shoulder.
"Nope, all clear." Rex lied. A snort bubbled out of his nose as he tried to hold back his laughter. Noah rushed to the mirror and squawked when he spotted the offending boxers.
"Gah! Oh man, I am so grossed out right now I'm getting goosebumps."
"Relax, those're mine." Rex admitted wiping tears from his eyes. "If those were really Bobo's we both would have passed out from the stench."
"Yeah, right. I've never seen these before." Noah said plucking the boxers off his shoulder and studying them.
That caught Rex's attention. "When have you ever seen my drawers?"
"Uh, duh, who did you think did the laundry when you stayed at my house?"
A blush crept over Rex face. He never thought twice about it. "Magic elves?"
"Just call me Legolas." Noah said throwing Rex's shorts to his face.
"Very funny." Rex peeled the shorts off his face and stuffed them under his bed with the rest of his clean clothes.
"Thanks. So are we going to the mall or what?"
"Yeah, I just gotta get the O.K. from Six."
"No need, I've already squared things with him. We have…an…we have an hour…to…to…"
Rex looked over his shoulder as Noah trailed off.
Noah held a few pages of the crumbled paper in his hands, his lips moving silently as he mouthed the words of Rex's deepest feelings.
Rex shot up and ripped the pages out of his hands. "I told you not to read them." Rex tore the pages into confetti, a blush heating his face in equal parts embarrassment and anger.
"Sorry, I wasn't going to but then I saw my name and I couldn't stop myself." Noah shuffled his feet. His own face had gone several shades pinker. "Is it so bad having a crush on me?"
"Yes!" He snapped then sighed. "No. Well, sometimes. It's complicated."
"Well, it does explain a few things. Like how you've had a really short temper lately. And you're right that isn't a mature way to handle things. But I can't really fault you for going ga-ga over me. I'm awesome."
Rex chuckled weakly. "Yeah, well you're always saying how I have good taste."
Noah winced.
"What?"
"When I say that I usually mean it sarcastically."
"Oh, well then I guess you just insulted yourself."
"No, no, this time can be the exception."
"Of course it would be." Rex paused for a moment. "It's okay for me to like you?"
"Dude, I'm the last person to tell you how you should feel about something. It's not about right or wrong."
"Ok. That's good to know. But you're taking this very well."
"You're not my only gay friend. What are you gay or bisexual?" Noah studied him. "I could see you being pan, but that's not up to me. What do you identify as?"
Rex gaped at him. "I-I don't know. Beyond my attraction to you I haven't thought about it."
"You really know how to charm a guy, don't you?"
Rex shrugged. "How do you feel about knowing about my feelings?"
Noah ran a hand through his hair as he thought about it. "I'm flattered for sure. It's a great ego boost to know that someone as crazy cool as you is into me. I'm pleased?"
"You're not grossed out?"
"What? No, you aren't a pair of Bobo's shorts. You're my best friend, and sure I will admit that I've thought about what it would be like to kiss you, but honestly who doesn't have those thoughts about you? You're stunning." Noah paused at Rex's sharp intake of breath. "Hmm, that isn't really a thought a totally straight guy would have. Oh, I know, maybe I need to get a notebook too and scribble out my secret queer feelings."
Rex snorted. "Jack ass."
"You love me anyways."
"Dammit if I don't."
Noah laughed and Rex joined in.
"Now that we are on the same page, let's get out of here before our hour is up."
"Lead the way, Legolas." Rex said, pulling his jacket on.
Noah rolled his eyes, but moved to the door. "Argh, you going make me regret saying that, aren't you?"
"Oh, ho-ho, yeah. Consider it pay back for reading things that don't belong to you."
"Duly noted."
Thanks for reading. Just a few more to post and I'm all caught up! The prompt was Notebook.
