Expiration Dates

The only thing worse than getting dumped and going blind is losing your two best friends to cancer. I guess that is the price you pay when you shop for friends at a cancer support group. Everyone on this planet has an expiration date and getting attached to people in this group is like grabbing the food from the front of the shelf. See, when I used to go to the grocery store, I would always dig in the back for the food with the furthest date, so I'd have the longest amount of time possible before it expires.

Shame I didn't use this reasoning when it came to picking friends. Then maybe I wouldn't be alone.

Yeah, I know. I was lucky to know them. They were two special people, no wait. Scratch that. They were the two most amazing people in the world, and they just happened to fall for each other and have this epic, tragic young love affair with the "okays" (which I'm pretty sure started off as a joke making fun of Monica and me, but whatever) and the make-a-wish trip and all that "little infinity" stuff, which I'm glad for. Really, I am. They both had only a brief number of days on this earth together, and so I'm glad they got to have their little infinity. Except they are both gone, and the only infinity that exists now is the infinite number of days that I have to live without my two best friends.

Oh yeah, plus I was in love with one of them.

And no, it was not Gus, although our bromance was so beautiful it could make the angels cry.

No, I was in love with Hazel before, during, and after Gus. And it could have been this horribly cliché teen love triangle thing if they hadn't had to go and die on me like they did. I almost wish we could have had the normal teenage drama where someone gets hurt (probably me), someone gets jealous, unforgivable words are thrown around and by the end of it, everyone hates everyone. That would be preferable. At least they would be alive, and I would hate them instead of miss them. I think that would be easier. Or maybe it would be even better than that. Maybe, if none of us had been sick, I would have just repressed my feelings about her forever. Gus and Hazel would still be making out between levels of whatever new video-game-of-the-week we were playing. I'd still be seeing Monica. I'd still be seeing PERIOD. (Haha, oh look, the blind guy made a blind joke). My eyes would work like they were supposed to, and my ex-girlfriend Monica's car would be a little less egged in this dream scenario. Yeah, I think if we weren't all sick in this group, most of us living on borrowed time, that's how it could have played out. It would have been so much better than the infinite little hell I'm in now.

That's why you should always pick your friends like you do your eggs – look for the ones with the lengthiest expiration date.