Audition for Barbarian People

Judges: Next!

(Romeo struts his way in)
Romeo: Uh hey guys.

Judge 1: Romeo, you already got a part.

Romeo: I know! But, like, I just want to get more parts!

Judge 2: As a barbarian?

Romeo: Yes! Because barbarians are like so super sexy. Omigod, I can't wait to get my fake chest hair.

Judge 3: Next!

Romeo: No! Wait!

(Bouncers come in to take him away)

(Ke$ha walks in)

Judge 2: You're in! Next!

(A tiny baby walks in)

Judge 3: Oh god no. (he sighs) Well, go on then, show us what you've got.

Baby: (speaks with an English accent) It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, 'My God wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual?

Judge 1: Are you at the right studio?

Baby: Is this not the audition for Stewie?

Judge 3: No. This is for the part of the Barbarians in RuneScape.

Baby: You adults still playing childish games while you jerk off behind the computer. Just wait until I sue you all for pedophile attacks on me. Hmph! Barbarian games. I bet you had hoped that I will take my shirt off for you! Fat hope! (he walks offstage)

2 hours later…

Judge 2: Okay, okay, stop. Look, this just isn't working okay? You simply aren't put out for the part of a barbarian.

Harry Potter: I can do the part! I could look the part too! I mean, I've got SOME chest hair! (he removes his shirt)

Judge 1: Take him away!

(Bouncers come in to take him away)

Judge 3: Well, great. That's just fucking great. Potter was the last of them and the only people we've got on the list is Ke$ha who isn't even male to play the part of a barbarian man.

Judge 2: We'll just call some of them back. Like maybe that Bieber girl. She could cast for the barbarian woman.