I wish I knew what I'm talking about but I have no idea, no words.
It's not like I planned for this to happen, I never thought I'd have to, never expected this. I tried to make speeches and practiced what I'd say and then threw all that away and decided to say whatever came to mind. But nothing does, or to be honest, too much does and it's just the same.
I wish you'd let me get near again, brush my hand through your hair, hold your face, hug you and feel you close. Because I have no words and touch is all I've got left and if you would just let me fucking touch you and open up or just lay there still, but for Merlin's sake, without pushing me away.
Because I'm as hurt as you are and there are no more excuses left and you think we have forever but forever won't wait for us much longer, and even if it does I don't want to wait any longer. And drowning in self pity does no good and I thought you might have learnt that already but it seems not and you are so fucking annoying and why the bloody hell do I love you so much?
I know I said I loved the noble you but this isn't noble at all, scared maybe, selfish even. Yes, selfish. We all deserve so much more than this. And one thing is you hiding from the press but from your family? How dare you slap us in the face like that? And you know what, to hell with my family, how dare you ignore me like that? What's your excuse now? I'm safe! You locked me away in a tower and I accepted it because I hoped that this day would come. And now what are you doing?
Why the bloody hell aren't you holding me? You have no right to make choices for me, you are so wrong if you think we are not to be together and I won't let you sabotage what we have. What we'd have if you weren't so impossible. I'm sick and tired of beating sense into you but I'll keep on doing it because I care about you!
I love you! Even when you're being this insufferable!
Now get your sorry arse out of that bed, open the door and do something because I didn't take part in a war and made it through alive jus so I could shout my lungs out at a fucking door while the man of my life broods in my brother's room and makes me waste a perfect summer day that could be the first day of the rest of our lives together.
