He's been gone for nearly a year now, and I know that he said not to, but I worry about him. I find myself thinking about him all of the time. How am I supposed to move on when I see him everywhere? Even when I close my eyes, that's when he appears more vividly.
I loved him, I still love him, even if I shouldn't. I know why he left, I understand that he wants to protect me, and by doing so, he must also protect himself. Though I asked if I could go with him, he told me I couldn't. That it wouldn't be safe for me. He wanted me to have a normal life, but what is life without him, my reason for even breathing…
Often I think of where he could be, was he eating when he needed to, was able to eat? Was he sleeping enough, did he sleep at all? Has he been…. Has he been hurt, or worse? It hard for me to focus on what is right in front of me: school, work, myself… Without him here I feel almost empty, but I try to live, for him. I made him a promise, and I intend to keep it. I promised that I would live and that I would continue school, and move away from here. I would move out of this small apartment that we would share, and find a place to officially call home. I will stay strong for him, and if possible, move on.
Today is my birthday, and he said he would never forget that. I don't know what he meant by that, but I just have this hope that he would visit. At least on this day… For me.
Kimi
There was a knock on my door as I closed my journal and made my way to the door. Opening it, I saw an elderly man that lived in the neighborhood. "A young man asked me to give this to you miss." In his hand, he held a gift bag, a dark red gift bag with black tissue paper sticking out of it. I smiled at the elderly man and thanked him as I took the gift from him. Sitting down on my couch, I placed the gift next to me and stared at it.
Pulling my legs in on myself I stared at the bag as if it would bite… That thought brought back to the night when I found out about him. About him being a ghoul. My Nishiki was one of those things! Yet, he had always been so kind to me, he took care of me, and he tried to make me feel better when I felt down. He acted human, which later I found out why that same night, but deep down, I knew. I couldn't hate him for what he was, let alone be afraid of him. I was had fallen in love with him. So I did what I had to. I let him bite me if he needed to eat, then he was going to eat. He had saved me in a way no one else could, and I owed him that much.
Tears welled up in my eyes, not wanting to move and this to all be a dream. Slowly I reached for the gift and pulled the paper out revealing nothing but two bangles and a piece of paper. Two black bangles that matched the red ones Nishiki and I wear. Taking them out of the bag I put them on my wrist with the red ones, and then pulled out the paper.
My Dearest Kimi,
Happy Birthday
-Your Love
