Author Commentary: I usually try not to pair canon characters with OC's, but THIS idea was just too juicy to pass up. Hope no one gets too offended. Enjoy the crack.

Characters: America, NORTH Korea, SOUTH Korea, China, Japan, mentions of others.

Rating: T

Warnings: Yaoi, swearing, Implied pairs (if you squint).

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot-ish thing and the character layout for N. Korea.

Alfred sighed for the billionth time that day. What was with the world today? Was everyone busy? Matt was hanging out with his commie-buddies, and there was no way Alfred was going to crash that party, even if he wanted to protect his precious little brother, Francis was 'busy' with something (probably someone, if the breathless moans in the background were anything to go by), and Arthur may have well disappeared off the face of the planet with the way he was making himself scarce. Alfred sighed again, man this was so not awesome.

"Even Tony's gone A-wall." he huffed. Getting up from the chair, Alfred decided to play a video game to pass the time.

Popping in Left 4 Dead, Alfred sat down on the couch and began blowing up zombie heads. For a good three hours, this satisfied him. However, as soon as he finished the game, boredom overtook him once again. Sighing for the billion and third time, Alfred took the game out and put it back in its case. As he stood up, he knocked over a small vase.

"Shit." he cursed bending back down to pick it up. It was a nice vase, white with blue butterflies and green flowers. As Alfred picked it up, he noticed a small stamp on the bottom.

Made in Japan it said, with kanji right above it, most likely saying the same thing. Placing it back in it's proper place, Alfred got a grand idea.

"I'll go visit Japan! He said he didn't have anything to do this entire week! I'm such a genius!" He thought, grabbing his coat and wallet as he ran out the door.

After a long flight, two crowded train rides, and a short walk, Alfred walked up the steps to the quiet home in Tokyo, Japan. He knocked loudly, still grinning over his brilliance.

The sound of shattering glass and a series of shouts brought Alfred from his thoughts. Oh no! Kiku was being attacked. Slamming opened the door (he remembered that it slid opened this time, no need for kicking), he ran into the house, searching frantically for his Asian friend.

"Don't worry Kiku! I'll save you! I am the hero!" Alfred shouted as he burst into the room where the shouting was coming from. The scene in front of him made him stop in his tracks.

Kiku had his bamboo sword drawn and was looking like choking the life out of someone was in the forefront of his mind right then. Yao was calmly sipping his tea, his thoughts evident on his face, which were something along the lines of 'If I ignore them long enough, maybe they'll go away.' Yong-soo and what looked like his clone were in the middle of trying to strangle each other, and by the looks of it, they, had knocked over a teapot in the process of doing so. They all looked up as Alfred burst through the door.

"Alfred-san? What are you doing here?" Kiku asked, lowering his bamboo sword (which was called a 'shinai' if the American wasn't mistaken) a bit.

"Er, I came to visit you, but I heard a crash and thought you were being attacked. So I rushed in to help you." Alfred explained, not taking his eyes off the scene in front of him.

Kiku sighed (that seemed to be a popular thing today), "Well, the only thing attacking around here are these two." he grumbled, poking Yong-soo in the rear with his shinai.

Yong-soo hopped up, "It's not my fault! He started it da-ze!" he cried, pointing to the other Asian still on the floor.

"I'm about to finish it aru!" Yao said, finally snapping and slamming his teacup down, "Now both of you apologize to Kiku aru."

The two look-a-likes grumbled and muttered an apology in Korean to Kiku, who now looked like he had his anger under control. Alfred stood by and watched the exchange, unsure what he should do. He didn't really want to intrude on what looked like a family thing, but he didn't want to leave without doing anything. After a few words exchanged between the Asian nations, Kiku turned to the westerner.

"Would you like some tea or coffee, Alfred-san?" Kiku asked.

Alfred nodded, smiling. If Kiku was offering, he was inviting him to stay, "Coffee please."

Kiku nodded and left the room, his shinai still in hand. Yao stood up and said something about 'getting some fresh air' and 'crazy siblings'. Naturally, Yong-soo leapt at the chance to be alone with China and claim his breasts. That left Alfred with the Korea clone. He sat down at the table across from the other man. He looked exactly like Yong-soo, but with an oddly serious expression on his face. His hair was longer than his presumably twin brothers, tucked away into a long braid which dragged along the floor as he sat. A hair curl stuck out from his head, but it curled down instead of up. He stared at Alfred intently, as if trying to make him vaporize.

"Hi!" Alfred said, smiling at the new face, "What's you're name, and what country do you represent?"

The country huffed, "My name is Im Hyong-soo, and I am the Democratic People's Republic of Korea."

Alfred thought for a moment, "I though Yong-soo was Korea." he said aloud.

Hyong-soo rolled his eyes, "I'm North Korea, you idiot."

Alfred brightened up, "Oh! Now I get it!" then his face fell. He pointed his finger dramatically at the other nation, missing his nose by a few centimeters, "Communist!" he shouted.

Hyong-soo slapped the hand away from his face, "Yes, I am. Yet so is China, and you have good relations with him."

Alfred's resolve faltered, "W-well, he hasn't done anything too bad, I suppose."

Hyong-soo raised an eyebrow, "Oh? And Tianimen Square didn't count?" he said, smirking.

Alfred gaped. That little bastard! How dare he bring that up! "I-I reacted accordingly to that!" he protested.

"By doing fuck-all? Oh yes, that is a good reaction. My mistake." Hyong-soo said sarcastically.

Alfred growled, "You want to start a fight?"

Hyong-soo leaned over the table, "As if you could beat me." he growled.

Alfred growled again and was about to reach across the table and smack the arrogant man upside the head when Kiku walked in, carrying a new pot of tea and a mug of coffee.

"I have you're coffee, Alfred-san." Kiku said, putting the mug down in front of the blonde, along with the teapot a little way's away, closer to Hyong-soo. Alfred huffed and took his coffee, sipping it. Hyong-soo poured himself another cup of tea and casually drank it, acting like nothing had transpired while Kiku was gone.

"Where did Yao-nii and Yong-soo go?" Kiku asked, looking around for signs of his family.

"Yao went to get some fresh air, and Yong-soo went to molest him." Hyong-soo said nonchalantly, like this was an every day occurrence (which it probably was, sadly enough).

Kiku signed, "I'll go find them." he said, standing up to leave.

When they were alone again, Alfred did his best to stare at anything that wasn't the man in front of him. Almost against his will, his eyes rested on the Asian, though discreetly.

Hyong-soo's hair looked really soft, like a million strands of ink-black silk. His eyes were a beautiful shade of dark amber-brown, a lot like Yao's, but much darker. His skin was so pale, it looked nearly white, probably due to North Korea being so secretive (Kiku had a word for that, didn't he? 'Hikikomori'?). He was wear the same thing as Yong-soo always wore, but it was red and black instead of blue and white. Maybe it was the black that made him look so pale. But really, was it even legal to be that pale? He was like a sheet of paper soaked in milk!

The sudden thought of a naked, super-pale, Hyong-soo covered in white 'milk' made Alfred almost drop his coffee on himself. Where the hell did that come from? Alfred shook his head to clear his mind, but his eyes still glued themselves to Hyong-soo. The other nation looked up at him, raising a dark eyebrow.

"Are you alright? You've been staring at me this whole time." he said, tilting his head.

Alfred suppressed his blush, "I-I was just wondering how long it would take me to beat you up."

Hyong-soo rolled his eyes, "You're an idiot."

Alfred huffed. The silence that followed was an awkward one, at least to the American. Alfred struggled for something to say, but he also didn't want to offend the other nation by saying something rude (you could never freaking tell what was rude to these Asian nations, you could comment about something and they'd blush themselves to death).

"So." Alfred started lamely, "How are things in your country?"

"Undisclosed information." Hyong-soo said monotonously. He glared at Alfred, "Are you trying to learn my secrets?" he growled.

"No no no!" Alfred said, putting up his hands, "I was just trying to make conversation."

Hyong-soo kept glaring, but turned back to his cup of tea after a moment. Alfred breathed a sigh of relief, "Man, it's so hard to make conversation with you Asians. I say something about sleeping habits and you get all red in the face and start stammering like crazy."

Hyong-soo rolled his eyes, "You do realize that things are different over here? American culture and Asian culture are two completely different cultures."

"Well duh, even I knew that. I just wish I could tell what the hell a can say or not. I really hate embarrassing myself." Alfred said, swirling his coffee in his cup.

Hyong-soo raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Like you don't embarrass yourself at the UN meetings? And the World Summit meetings? And the environmental meetings?"

Alfred huffed, "I-I'm trying to be a little more mature." his family was sort of nagging him about it, but he would have done it anyway!

Hyong-soo chuckled, "Yeah, I noticed that you only mentioned hamburgers three times at the last World Summit."

Alfred would have said 'I am awesome therefore hamburgers were awesome', but what slipped out was, "Oh? So you've noticed me, have you?"

Hyong-soo went several shades of pink before settling on a pretty, cherry shade of pink, "I-I just like to keep track of things! That's all!"

Alfred laughed, "Sure sure, but you know you're totally enthralled with my awesome."

Letting out a rather unmanly squeak of anger, Hyong-soo shot up from his sitting position and lunged at Alfred. However, he seemed to forget that there was a rather solid table between them, and tripped over it. After a moment of confusion, Alfred found himself sprawled backwards with a blushing Korean lying on top of him.

The image of a flushed and panting Hyong-soo bouncing on top of him had Alfred suddenly trying to picture naked old ladies and dead kittens and praying that Hyong-soo didn't notice his little 'growing problem'.

Hyong-soo sat up, his rear colliding with Alfred's hips, making the westerner moan lightly. Hyong-soo squeaked and tensed, panicking.

"A-Alfred! That's very inappropriate!" he cried as he got full use of his voice back.

Deciding 'to hell with it', Alfred grabbed Hyong-soo's thin shoulders and flipped them over, straddling the equally thin waist, "Oh really?" he said, smirking, "This 'little' thing? Inappropriate?" he leaned down so his mouth was right next to the others ear, "I can't wait to see what you'll call all the things I'm going to do to you." he said huskily, grinding his hips forward.

Hyong-soo whimpered and clutched Alfred's shoulders, squirming beneath the larger man. Alfred smirked, pulling his head back and kissing the Korean on the mouth, pushing his tongue against the soft lips. Hyong-soo clamped his mouth shut for a moment, then ever-so-slightly parted them. Before he could change his mind, Alfred plunged his wet muscle forward, sliding it against the timid one hidden in the other's mouth. After a few moments, Hyong-soo began to relax and started kissing back, burying his hands in soft blond tresses.

"What the hell!"

Alfred broke the lip lock and looked up to see a fuming South Korean standing in the doorway, a surprised Chinese and a curious Japanese behind him. Yong-soo stomped forward and yanked Alfred off of Hyong-soo.

"Stop molesting my brother!" he shouted, pushing Alfred away.

"Dude, chill out." Alfred said, "You molest my brother all of the time." he said, referring to Matthew.

Yong-soo looked like he was about to throw a punch when Yao smacked him over the head, "Settle down aru. From the looks of it, Hyong-soo is just as guilty as Alfred is aru."

Yong-soo turned to his twin, "Brother, is this true?"

Hyong-soo turned away, "Undisclosed information." he said, even though he was a beautiful shade of wine red.

Author Commentary: I realize that these two would probably never get along, but I just had to do it. It popped into my mind and I though 'yes'. Hope you enjoyed the crackliciousness of this fic. Review me please!