Title: Chemical Love

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Sherlock/John

Warning: Slash, established relationship, mentions of safe sex.

Length: 588 words

Summary: John finds some difficulty buying condoms and lube after experiencing a temperamental self-service station. Embarrassment ensues.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

John went quickly through the store, basket tightly in hand and close to his body. He looked up at the aisle signs until he saw 'Personal Hygiene' and swiftly, all while sorely attempting to be discreet, moved down to the aisle. It was empty and John quietly moved to where the condoms were, trying to keep his eyes to the left, like he was looking for tampons for his girlfriend or diapers for his baby instead of condoms and lube for his gay boyfriend.

He picked up the brands Sherlock usually bought, anything else and Sherlock would protest and moan about every little thing wrong with them, and decided to also get a loaf of bread and a carton of milk to put on top of the other items.

Trying to keep his breath calm, John moved to the self-service station. Sherlock usually did the shopping for these things, he knew what he wanted and had no shame in buying them, but he was busy musing on a case and had sent his boyfriend on his way. John, on the other hand, blushed like a virgin (though what a virgin would be doing with these things, he didn't know) and avoided anyone's possibly prying eyes.

When it was finally his turn, he slid his credit card through the slot and slid the barcode of the bread across the machine and when it made a beep and it announced that it was confirmed, he put it in the plastic bag next to him and did the same thing for the carton of milk.

Feeling some confidence come back and a mantra of, 'I can do this, it's just condoms and lube. Everyone buys condoms and lube, no worries' he slid the barcode on the cardboard pack of condoms and instead of a happy beep, he heard a small buzz and an electronic voice said loudly from the machine, "Unexpected item in the bagging area! Remove item from the bagging area!"

John flushed and tried it again. It continued to declare this loudly and everyone from the other self-service stations looked at him oddly and continued to check out their purchases with no problems.

Finally, an assistant of the store, a pimply-faced boy who couldn't have been more than twenty, tapped him on the shoulder. "Sir, do you need help?"

John felt embarrassment rise up inside him and all he did was mutter, "It, uh, won't let me check out."

The boy looked down at the package in his hands and then the container of lube in his basket and turned a bright red. "Can I try, sir?"

Sighing, he handed it to him. "Sure."

The boy looked at it for a moment, turned it the opposite direction and then scanned it. The machine beeped and said, "Confirmed."

"Uh, I think you had it the wrong way, sir."

John could've hit himself. "Oh. Thank you."

The boy smiled shyly and nodded. "Not a problem. Enjoy," his eyes bulged out when he realized what he said. "I mean, don't enjoy. Just…" he took in a deep breath and then gave him an artificial smile. "Thank you for shopping with us."

John nodded.

When he got back home, he handed Sherlock the shopping bag and said sharply, "You're doing the shopping from now on."

fin

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