It rained, hard. It had been like this since the hand had come to loom over
us, and Ta-kun was nowhere to be found, Ta-kun had disappeared completely.
So did the other one... the one who had yelled and screamed at me. The one
I didn't understand anymore. And honestly, I don't think I ever understood
him. I think I wanted to understand him because I felt it was my duty to
take his brother's place... or the other way around. I wasn't sure which it
was anymore, I just knew it was one of those.
I'm a bit different these days; I'm quieter and confused, less independent and unhappy. I think I really realized I'm alone now; I never looked at it that way. I have been alone since he left. I used to think I'd just find some way to go to America, to find him, to be happy with him. But I never did, I resorted to other things, I sat next to Naota instead. I made Naota my Ta-kun instead, and I was happy... until Haru-san came, until I realized he wasn't Tasuku, until I realized my problems where my own.
"Ta-kun... Ta-kun... Where are you? Ta-kun...please Ta-kun..."
I wasn't sure which one I was calling for anymore. Tasuku, Naota, the cat, it was all the same because they all left me. The sad thing is, I had Tasuku's number on my phone for sometime now and I still haven't gotten up the courage to call him. Now was as good a time as any, I knew that in the back of my head. The buttons were waiting for me to press them, and they glow in the dim light covered by storm clouds.
So I did it, I pressed the call button. It rang, it clicked, and there was a voice.
"...Hello?" the voice sleepily answered, fogged by static.
My hand literally trembled, it was his voice, it still hadn't changed one bit, and even through the forced Americanization of it all the English was still slurred.
"...Tasuku...? Tasuku... this, um, this is Mamimi." I forced.
The breathing slowed down when he didn't respond, I was happy, maybe he hung up on me, maybe I wouldn't have to talk to him at all. But he spoke; he went back to his normal tone of voice, speaking in Japanese. "Mamimi... I can't believe you called. I mean... is something wrong? Is Naota okay? Is it my Grandpa?"
He had forgotten to ask if I was okay, if something was wrong with me.
"No, everyone's fine on Mamimi's end. Just thought I'd call you, but I guess you're tired or something. The time difference and all... I'm sorry I calle-" At that moment he had cut me off. And I knew what he was going to say.
"You're upset, aren't you? Mamimi, You have gotta understand that there were things I couldn't handle last time I saw you, all my dreams had just...been crushed at that one moment. I didn't know what to do, I thought..."
I shook my head, pulled the phone away and switched sides. "Your dreams... What about my dreams, Ta-kun? What about what Mamimi wanted? What about all the things you promised when it happened? You disappeared on me, like you didn't even exist anymore."
There was a pause; I think he didn't understand why I was calling. He probably thought I was calling for money or something. No, I didn't need any money because my parents took care of that side of it all and I was fine as it was. "If you think Mamimi's calling for money or something, you're wrong. This call is because I missed you, and thought maybe you cared enough to talk to me for awhile. Maybe you cared enough to... never mind."
I could hear him crying, I think he was trying to cover it all up, to cover up the fact he felt sorry for these things, sorry for the fact he missed out on important stuff. "I'm sorry, Mamimi. Look, call me later tonight, okay? I've gotta go." The phone clicked, he hung up and I didn't know what to think. I wasn't sure why he was crying, but I knew maybe it was the same reason I cried every night.
I never told Naota why Tasuku really left; I think his whole family made up their own reason except for the grandfather who already knew. I never explained why I never went home or why I hated going to school, but they all made up their own reasons. Maybe Shigekuni told Kamon, maybe that's why Kamon felt so bad for me... Maybe Naota did too, but I wasn't sure. I just knew Shigekuni knew.
Maybe I shouldn't have told Shigekuni, or Tasuku, maybe I made the mistake of trusting people because next thing I knew, girls at school called me a whore and Tasuku was crying in the corner of his room saying all his dreams were ruined... all because I missed my period, because I was feeling sick every morning, because I was pregnant.
I made up my mind, I wasn't going to hide it... but in the end I did, I didn't show off my tummy and I kept my knees as close to my chest as possible. I didn't even like to go around town because what would people say? I stayed under the bridge and people started thinking I was poor. I wasn't POOR, I had money, it was saved and my Mother made sure we'd save it for the baby when I had told her.
They keep my baby now; they keep it in a world that is protected. As far as my baby knows, I'm just "Sister", or "Mamimi". Mom was Mom, Dad was Dad, and Mamimi was Mamimi... not Mommy, not Mom, not any of that. Never.
Author Notes: I know it's weird, and I know it's somewhat impossible, but I like it. Deal with it. What happened after the story? Well, watch episode 6.
I'm a bit different these days; I'm quieter and confused, less independent and unhappy. I think I really realized I'm alone now; I never looked at it that way. I have been alone since he left. I used to think I'd just find some way to go to America, to find him, to be happy with him. But I never did, I resorted to other things, I sat next to Naota instead. I made Naota my Ta-kun instead, and I was happy... until Haru-san came, until I realized he wasn't Tasuku, until I realized my problems where my own.
"Ta-kun... Ta-kun... Where are you? Ta-kun...please Ta-kun..."
I wasn't sure which one I was calling for anymore. Tasuku, Naota, the cat, it was all the same because they all left me. The sad thing is, I had Tasuku's number on my phone for sometime now and I still haven't gotten up the courage to call him. Now was as good a time as any, I knew that in the back of my head. The buttons were waiting for me to press them, and they glow in the dim light covered by storm clouds.
So I did it, I pressed the call button. It rang, it clicked, and there was a voice.
"...Hello?" the voice sleepily answered, fogged by static.
My hand literally trembled, it was his voice, it still hadn't changed one bit, and even through the forced Americanization of it all the English was still slurred.
"...Tasuku...? Tasuku... this, um, this is Mamimi." I forced.
The breathing slowed down when he didn't respond, I was happy, maybe he hung up on me, maybe I wouldn't have to talk to him at all. But he spoke; he went back to his normal tone of voice, speaking in Japanese. "Mamimi... I can't believe you called. I mean... is something wrong? Is Naota okay? Is it my Grandpa?"
He had forgotten to ask if I was okay, if something was wrong with me.
"No, everyone's fine on Mamimi's end. Just thought I'd call you, but I guess you're tired or something. The time difference and all... I'm sorry I calle-" At that moment he had cut me off. And I knew what he was going to say.
"You're upset, aren't you? Mamimi, You have gotta understand that there were things I couldn't handle last time I saw you, all my dreams had just...been crushed at that one moment. I didn't know what to do, I thought..."
I shook my head, pulled the phone away and switched sides. "Your dreams... What about my dreams, Ta-kun? What about what Mamimi wanted? What about all the things you promised when it happened? You disappeared on me, like you didn't even exist anymore."
There was a pause; I think he didn't understand why I was calling. He probably thought I was calling for money or something. No, I didn't need any money because my parents took care of that side of it all and I was fine as it was. "If you think Mamimi's calling for money or something, you're wrong. This call is because I missed you, and thought maybe you cared enough to talk to me for awhile. Maybe you cared enough to... never mind."
I could hear him crying, I think he was trying to cover it all up, to cover up the fact he felt sorry for these things, sorry for the fact he missed out on important stuff. "I'm sorry, Mamimi. Look, call me later tonight, okay? I've gotta go." The phone clicked, he hung up and I didn't know what to think. I wasn't sure why he was crying, but I knew maybe it was the same reason I cried every night.
I never told Naota why Tasuku really left; I think his whole family made up their own reason except for the grandfather who already knew. I never explained why I never went home or why I hated going to school, but they all made up their own reasons. Maybe Shigekuni told Kamon, maybe that's why Kamon felt so bad for me... Maybe Naota did too, but I wasn't sure. I just knew Shigekuni knew.
Maybe I shouldn't have told Shigekuni, or Tasuku, maybe I made the mistake of trusting people because next thing I knew, girls at school called me a whore and Tasuku was crying in the corner of his room saying all his dreams were ruined... all because I missed my period, because I was feeling sick every morning, because I was pregnant.
I made up my mind, I wasn't going to hide it... but in the end I did, I didn't show off my tummy and I kept my knees as close to my chest as possible. I didn't even like to go around town because what would people say? I stayed under the bridge and people started thinking I was poor. I wasn't POOR, I had money, it was saved and my Mother made sure we'd save it for the baby when I had told her.
They keep my baby now; they keep it in a world that is protected. As far as my baby knows, I'm just "Sister", or "Mamimi". Mom was Mom, Dad was Dad, and Mamimi was Mamimi... not Mommy, not Mom, not any of that. Never.
Author Notes: I know it's weird, and I know it's somewhat impossible, but I like it. Deal with it. What happened after the story? Well, watch episode 6.
