It was mid-November in south park, and as winter approached the high school students made preparations for the schools' planned festivities. I was busy helping others with the thanksgiving feast. It was a little dinner that South Park High School hosted every year, and like with the other school events I was quick to volunteer to be on the committee responsible for planning it. We were in a discussion about where the dinner was going to take place. Usually, it would just take place in the cafeteria, but last year it got over crowded so we were discussing how to accommodate for more people. The number of people who showed up to the event was known to vary so I made a suggestion we take a poll on various social media platforms to see who was coming.
"That's a good idea," Wendy agreed politely,"but we should probably make students take a questionnaire during school to see if they are coming, and how many family members are coming with them".
Wendy was someone else who always, so far, had volunteered on every school event that came up. She and I were also amongst the smartest kids in the school. She usually got slightly better grades, though, and she also had been the leader of planning school events. Another student asked Wendy if she could even get the staff to agree to the students taking a mandatory questionnaire.
Wendy was quick to respond,"they agreed on it last time for the Halloween costume party," Wendy said affirmatively," I do not see what objection they could have to another questionnaire".
A senior girl then spoke up," yeah, and some people went against what they put on that questionnaire," the senior said accusingly," We should just get more tables set up in the hallway next to the cafeteria".
Several older students did not like the idea of a freshman being in charge of planning school events, but Wendy had proven to be more capable than anyone.
I decided to stick to Wendy as usual," The questionnaire was mostly correct," I reminded the senior," So we should just stick with it".
Wendy agreed with my statement as did practically the entire committee, except a few seniors.
The senior girl had an annoyed look on her face," Kyle you always agree with Wendy", She said with a defeated expression.
I felt the need to defend myself, but wendy spoke up first," Well most people agree with me," Wendy said simply,"as I do try to come up with the most practical solutions".
One of the senior boys piked up,"yea and he's best friends with your boyfriend." the boy said almost accusingly. He was on the football team, and his bitterness probably came from the fact that Stan had gotten the role of quarterback, much to the disliking of the seniors on the team.
Wendy rolled her eyes,"My boyfriend does not affect my decision-making process," Wendy said clearly annoyed with Stan being brought up.
"Yea I just think Wendy's ideas are usually the most sound," I say defensively. Wendy and I got along for the most part and had more in common than I cared to admit. The senior boy just grunted and left, and as soon as he did Wendy concluded the after school thanksgiving feast committee. She also said she would get in touch with the faculty about our game plan.
I began making my way down the hall which was decorated in fall colors, and as I began heading downstairs Wendy came up beside me.
"Kyle I wanna talk to you real quick," Wendy asked calmly.
"Uh sure Wendy, what do you want," I asked.
"Just to be clear you don't just agree with me because I'm dating Stan right," Wendy asked politely as if trying not offend me.
"No," I stated simply, "I promise if I didn't think what you had planned was the best course of action I would have said so."
I honestly sometimes wish I could disagree and get into an argument with Wendy. Not because I disagree with her, but because then it would make me feel like she was not as perfect as she was. She always was rational, and almost always right, and was definitely one of the most attractive girls in school. Since elementary school, she had grown exponentially. She was more mature than a lot of adults in this town, and a lot of guys gawked over her beauty. However, She belonged to Stan and had been in a firm relationship with him since middle school. Their relationship had been weird in elementary school, but once they grew up they became more inseparable. Although I would never admit it in a million years, I was jealous of Wendy.
"I believe you, Kyle," Wendy said sincerely, "The seniors are still sore over us freshmen 'taking over' as they like to put it."
It is true that us freshmen had taken many positions in the school clubs and sports that the seniors had expected to be given. In fact, the juniors and sophomores were not too thrilled about it either.
"Anyway, kyle I'm off to the principals' office," Wendy informed, "Tell Stan I will busy tonight, and I love him."
With that wendy went back upstairs leaving me in my thoughts. It still kind of pained me to hear her say that she loved Stan. I had realized I was gay by sixth grade, and that was mostly thanks to Stan. I realized I had a crush on him, but he was already dating Wendy and showed no signs of being interested in guys. So I never told him, and I don't think I ever will with how serious he and Wendy have gotten.
Being gay was a major secret of mine that I would never tell anyone, not even my parents. The town of south park was for the most part not bigoted towards gays, but on personal levels, everyone acted differently when the subject came up. Most of the adults in town would be uncomfortable with getting to know a gay person on a personal level from what I had seen, and there was some backwoods mentality amongst the less wealthy when it came to gays. High school was a pretty harsh environment, and although a lot of popular kids were like Wendy who was almost overly supportive of LGBTQ people, there were a few popular kids who enjoyed gossiping about who came out of the closet this year. The normal kids had various opinions on gays ranging from curiosity to disinterest to disgust. Some of the delinquents and bullies at the school did make a habit of making gay kids life a living hell.
There were very few gay kids at school, at least few who were open about it. There were a couple upperclassmen who were gay or at least bisexual, and in our grade, there were only Butters who was more than open about his dual sexuality. Butters had always gotten picked on for various things and being into guys just added another thing for people to mock and ridicule him over. I did feel some sympathy towards him, but I had to avoid him to avoid raising suspicion on myself. Besides he only knew half the pain I felt as far as I was concerned. He had a choice to be into girls only and be normal, and for some reason, he chose to just come out with his orientation the second he realized it himself in middle-school.
Luckily none of my current friends really brought up gays or anything, except for cartman but he really was not friends with me or Stan anymore. Stan had one conversation with Wendy in the past about gay people, Wendy had wanted him to go to some pride parade with him in Denver. Stan had refused and stated he was cool with gay people, but the participating in the parade would have made him uncomfortable. Wendy got kinda mad at Stan, but they worked it out just like they always did. Kenny had only made jokes involving gay people, which were usually rude and inappropriate, but I honestly did not care much for Kenny anymore anyway.
I made my way through the halls of the high school heading towards the front door of the building. South Park High School was about twice as large as the elementary and middle school buildings. It was three stories tall and had three wings branching off in different directions. It also had some unused buildings on the school lot that were overgrown with weeds.
As I left the building I saw Token and Stan throwing a football around in the front of the school. They had been waiting for me since we carpool in tokens limo. The people Who I guess would be in my clique had changed since elementary school. Stan and I are the only ones who stuck together through the years.
Cartman had burnt bridges with me by the end of elementary school, with all of his bull shit. I told Stan I couldn't stand being around him, and Stan did not like him much either. Kenny found his asshole ways to be funny, but I and Stan had pretty much stopped hanging out with him. Instead, Wendy had begun to hang out with Stan as often as I and Kenny did, and soon she was part of our middle school clique.
As we went through middle school though Kenny's hormones had begun to get on Wendy's nerves. Kenny was always trying to get Stan and me to go out and try to score girls with him. Even though Stan was with Wendy he still would ask him all kinds of questions about other girls, like who had a better ass or who would be easier to fuck. Eventually, Wendy and Kenny could not hang out with each other, and Stan told Kenny to shut up about other girls. Kenny began pressuring me relentlessly into trying to get chicks with him since Stan was, in his words, a prude. This did not end well and he and I had a falling out, and he doesn't hang around me and Stan often.
During high school when Stan and Token both started hanging out because of football is when Token began hanging out with Stan, Wendy, and I. Token had gotten the position of vice-captain on the football team.
As I walked over to greet them I noticed Kenny was playing with them. Kenny still hung out with me and Stan sometimes, but he and I hardly got along. Stan was trying to mend thing between the three of us, but Mccormick and I were never going to be like we were when we were kids.
"Sup Kyle,"Stan greeted,"where's Wendy."
"oh,"I say suddenly,"she said she will be busy tonight."
I always feel a rush of energy when it around Stan, even if he is talking about Wendy. Hanging out with him is the best thing in the world. Whether we are playing games, or when I am tutoring him, or when he is attempting to teach me how to play a sport, I always enjoy being around him. It hurts to love him so much, but also want to best of friends with him. He is with Wendy though so I will have to accept only being best friends even if it hurts.
"she also sais she loves you," I say really quickly to get the words out of my mouth.
Stan just smiles and makes his love for her apparent. Token approaches us and asks if were ready to leave. I just nod and begin heading towards the awaiting limo in the school driveway. As me, Token, and Stan begin piling into the Limo Kenny approaches the window closest to Stan.
"you're still coming to Bebe's party right," Kenny asks quietly.
I turn to Stan,"Does Wendy know about this party,"I ask Stan,"You know she doesn't like it when you..."
Before I can finish Kenny interrupts," Oh god here we go,"Kenny says with a long sigh," I swear Kyle, sometimes I feel like your head is further up Wendy's cunt than Stan here."
"Dude!" Stan yells at Kenny.
Kenny just shakes his head at Stan and me. This is the kinda shit that made me start hating Kenny. In middle school whenever I refused to go out and try to score with him he would start throwing insults left and right. He began accusing me of being embarrassed of him. The Dick actually took it as an insult that I would not try to go pick up chicks with him.
Then during the summer vacation where we were transitioning from middle school to high school, I went to my first party with Stan and Wendy. Stan got drunk for the first time in his life, and shocking so did Wendy. They were usually modest, but this time, they were all over each other. I had never seen Stan look at Wendy the way he did that night. He was infatuated with her, and I hated It. At that point I still had some hope him and Wendy would break it off like most couples did, but when I saw the way he was looking at her I knew that was never going to happen. I eventually bumped into Kenny that night who told me he needed someone else to help him get with some twins from the next town over. I refused and he and I got into a big argument. Then he said only a fag would turn down pussy, and that night I went off on him. His grades had been bad in middle school, and he had barely made it past eighth grade. I pointed out his lack of intelligence, told him he had no future ahead of him, and he was going to be a broke white trash piece of shit just like his parents. I expected Kenny to retaliate, but he just gave me this hurt look and left the party.
Ever since then Kenny and I had not been able to get along. Part of me felt bad for what I said to Kenny. After all, he did not know how personal his insult was to me, I, on the other hand, did know how Kenny felt about his grades. Kenny did not talk to me or Stan for a couple weeks after I went off on him. Also once school started back up he seemed to care even less about his grades. Last I heard he was failing almost all of his classes, was not even trying to pass anymore and skipped school arguably more often than he attended. I wonder if I played a role in that, but even if I did it is Kenny's own fault for failing. He is making the decision in the end not me.
"Fine take the little bitches side like you always do," Kenny said abruptly, "Just be sure to come to the party," with that Kenny left and began walking down the sidewalk not even bothering asking Token to give him a lift. Kenny and I almost always got into arguments whenever I brought up his bad 'habits' or when I talked about Wendy. In his eyes, me and Wendy both were the ones keeping Stan from having fun with him and Kenny's version of fun was whores and drugs so in that regard he was right. I did not want Stan to follow in Kenny's footsteps and flush his entire life down the drain.
I don't know how long ago Kenny had begun smoking pot, and experimenting with other various substances. It probably was the cause of him almost failing constantly in middle school and him pretty much giving up on getting past his freshmen year in high school. Stan made pretty good grades and still had a future so Wendy and I both had a distaste with him hanging out with Kenny without us knowing when and where.
As the vehicle revved up and began pulling out of the school's driveway I let out an annoyed grunt.
"Why do I even try to get along with his ass anymore," I said lacing my voice with content.
Stan gave me a hard look and let out a sigh.
"Well, to be honest, you two don't really try to get along," Stan stated cautiously.
"I didn't even do anything just then," I retorted,"You saw how he just went off on me."
Stan just gave me a sad look in response. Stan really missed when he, Kenny, and I would hang out, and maybe even Cartman, but as far as I was concerned those days were far behind us. Stan still forced me and Kenny to hang out with him sometimes, but it was never for long and it me and Kenny almost always were at each other's throats.
"yea, he did overreact," Stan conceited,"but you know he is not the biggest fan of Wendy."
"She's your girlfriend," I say reluctantly,"If he does not like who you are dating how can we even hang out."
Stan went quiet for a bit clearly at a loss for what to say. Token was patiently watching our exchange while texting on his phone. He was likely texting his girlfriend who lived in the next town over. They had been dating since summer and I had seen her a couple of times.
"Well yeah," Stan started,"but you and Wendy do keep me on a short leash."
"What," I say surprised,"Wendy is the one who..."
Stan cuts me off,"Come on Kyle you don't want me hanging around with the 'negative' elements of the school just as much as Wendy."
"well... yeah," I say calmly,"I don't want you to get mixed up with what Kenny has gotten into."
Stan just looks out the window deep in thought as another awkward moment of silence spreads through the vehicle.
"I appreciate your concern," Stan sais gratefully,"but I already have issues getting my girlfriend to trust me, and it would be nice if my best friend would trust me to make my own decisions."
I let out a smile and relax in my seat. I love Stan and even though I may never have him the way I want at least we would always be best buds. At least as long as I stayed in the closet. I don't know how Stan would react to figuring out about my orientation, but I don't think we would be as close as we have always been anymore.
"Oh you mean token," I say playfully.
Token lets out a laugh," come on Kyle, Stan and I may be close friends," Token sais sincerely," but I have not been friends with the guy since elementary school."
"ok Stan," I say kindly," I will try to trust you more than I have been."
"Good luck with wendy, though," Token jokes.
Stan laughs as we speed down the road to our houses. During the ride, we mostly discuss Bebe's party and who was going to be there. Bebe through most of the parties in is town. She was a major social butterfly and known to get around almost as much as Kenny. I had gone to a few parties over the summer mostly because of Stan and the same could be said for Wendy. I did not drink at parties though I only socialized unlike Stan and surprisingly Wendy who had drunk a little over the summer, but Wendy was smart and never drank too much and she would usually be the one keeping an eye on Stan.
As we pulled up to my house Stan asked if I was going or not. I told him I would most likely go unless something came up. He told me he would see me there as the limo continued down the road. I was most definitely going to that party since Wendy was not going to make it. Wendy always went to parties with Stan whenever he went, but as Stan had told me Wendy had also agreed to trust him for tonight over a text message. I hated to admit it, but part of me was hoping Stan would for once look at me how he looked at Wendy at parties when he was intoxicated. I know it will never happen but for some reason, I clung on to the hope that it would.
I walked into my house to be greeted by the smell of my mom's cooking. I walked into the kitchen and informed the household that I was home. My mom told me that supper would be ready soon and that Ruby would be joining us.
"Ruby is joining us," I asked.
Ruby and Ike had begun getting close throughout elementary school. Now in fifth grade, they have officially started dating and my mom just adores it. She had asked me in the past if I was ever going to get a girlfriend and as years moved on she has gotten increasingly obsessed with my love life. Luckily Ike and his new girlfriend had taken a fair amount of the heat off of me. I alway got extremely uncomfortable because I don't like having to mislead my own mother nor am I good at it. She knows her kids too well, in fact, sometimes I worry that she knows about me.
"Yes she and Ike are apparently going to a movie tonight so were having dinner a little earlier," my mom said.
I then went upstairs to my room passing the living room where Ruby and Ike were sitting. Looking at Ruby you would not expect her to be Craig's little sister. Sure she has a few of his mannerisms, but for the most part, they were almost opposites. Ruby was nice to almost everyone, was well behaved, and was open and warm towards her friends. Craig, on the other hand, acted like a prick most of the time, at least to me he did. He, Kenny, and Cartman all hung out together and were always up to something they should not be doing. I'm pretty sure he was 'experimenting' with drugs like Kenny even though I have never seen him do so.
I got into my room and put my backpack down as I plopped down on my bed. I relaxed and stretched out as I allowed my school tension to melt away. Although Stan was the only guy in school I was in love with I did find other guys kinda hot although I never would admit that to anyone. Stan himself had the hottest body in school though in my opinion, although I was a bit biased obviously. His physical prowess in football had given him a strong firm fairly muscular body and he always took care of himself so his body was always well kept from his hair to his toes. Token was a lot like Stan in the way he kept himself, in fact, he was probably even more muscular than Stan. Honestly, I would often fantasize about walking into the locker room when the football team was changing and catching a glimpse of his and Stans naked bodies. I have never seen Token naked and Stan has not stripped in front of me in years so I enjoyed thinking about how 'big' they were.
I did not really fantasize about other boys like I did those two, but I did sometimes wonder about them. When we began going through puberty it was kindest to Craig. Most of the girls in school were head over heels for Craig and they definitely thought he was the hottest guy in school and I could see why. He had dated a few girls before, but I have never heard anything about him having sex or what he was like. He came across as cold and acted sort of rudely to me, which was probably because he had gotten closer to Kenny recently.
Although I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing, Kenny definitely had looks going for him. The girls in our high school also found Kenny to be extremely good looking, and everyone knew of his sexual exploits with women. He was definitely the biggest man-whore in our school and he surprisingly took pride in it even though he probably had all sorts of diseases. Kenny insisted he was clean to everyone, but I had my doubts. There were several girls who Kenny had slept with that spoke of his oversized sexual organs, in fact, he was supposedly the 'biggest guy' in school. I would be lying if I said I did not want to catch a look at his rod, but it was not something I had on my to-do list.
Clyde was well renowned for being sweet with girls and being fairly attractive himself. I could definitely see the appeal he was not at masculine as Stan or Craig but he still was pretty cute, and I would love to have Stan be sweet with me like Clyde is with the people he dates. I have not talked to Clyde in a while though so I don't know what he thinks about me.
These guys are the focus of my attention, although they pale in comparison to Stan who has my heart. Tweek was kind of cute I guess, but his spastic personality kept me from getting to know much about him, and no one really talked about him. Butters was kind of scrawny so he did not appeal to me, and Cartman was an asshole who I did not want to hear about.
I already knew how I was viewed by my peers. Although Butters and Tweek looked slightly more feminine than most guys, I was known for being the most feminine guy in school. Puberty was very cruel to me, It was hard enough keeping myself in the closet, but now I had a body that practically screamed out 'Im a Fag' to everyone. I think I have my secret under wraps, but a couple of the Jocks do call me girly when Stan and Token are not around. A couple of the assholes at our school, Including Cartman, also make rude remarks about my appearance. It does not make it better that I am extremely self-conscience about my appearance and have the hygiene standards of a girl. Kenny had also made some snide remarks about my appearance that I did not care for. Luckily Stan, Token, and Wendy don't seem to bring up my appearance very often. I don't know if Stan likes my appearance or not, or If it lets him know that I'm into him.
I decided to do what I always do when I start thinking about Stan. I go over to my computer and begin looking up gay erotic stories on the internet. I find a few that I like to self-insert myself into and pretend like it is Stan who is fucking me. I soon lose myself in the experience and begin jacking off. I have not done this in a few days so I'm kind of pent up.
Just as I'm getting close to cumming my mother calls to me that dinner is done. Letting out a deep breath I close out of the story I was invested in and pull my pants up forcing my five-inch erection back into my pants. I know I was not that 'big' but I was more obsessed with other guys dick rather than my own.
I walk downstairs and join my family for dinner. Everyone one else is already sitting down and eating and there is already a plate set for me. I sit down and begin eating with my family. Ike and Ruby were sitting together discussing what happened at their school today. Mom was occasionally asking an Ike and Ruby a question and Dad was just quietly eating.
Throughout dinner, mom was constantly fawning over Ike and Ruby. She would ask them a question about what they had planned for their relationship and Ike would most often answer with an I don't know. My mom would just laugh or tell them that they were cute together.
Seeing Ruby and Ike together reminded me of Stan and Wendy back in elementary school. They were very similar to this with Stan being awkward and bashful around Wendy, and Wendy being sweet and confident. Ever since Ruby started dating Ike I have not been as close to him, and I felt pretty bad about it. I just could not stand being around a couple that reminded me of Stan and Wendy so precisely even if it was my own brother.
Im jealous of Ike and his normalcy. He was already dating a girl and filling in the role I can not. My mom wants me to get married to a nice girl when I get older, but I know I will never be able to be the son she wants. Ike, on the other hand, would fulfill all my mother's wishes for a son, because not only is he almost as bright as me, but he is also straight from what I can tell. In the end, I won't be able to get with any women though and I know I will just be a giant disappointment to my family.
"So has Kyle ever dated anyone mom," Ike ask suddenly shocking me out of my thoughts.
"um.. no not really," I respond in my mother's place.
I have never been in a real relationship with a girl. Maybe a played house when I was little but that was as far as I have ever gotten.
"Why not," Ike ask genuinely confused.
"Oh Kyle likes to focus on his school work," my mom interjects,"He will probably get a nice young woman when he is done with his education."
I was shocked by my mother's quick defense and also kind of hurt. My mother seems to have already drawn conclusions about my lack of interest of girls. I knew I was going to disappoint my mom eventually because I was not going to ever get with a girl and have kids like she wanted.
Dinner continued on although Ike seemed suspicious of our mom answering my question for me. I hope he never finds out about me. I don't know how he would react to having a homo for an older brother.
Eventually dinner concluded and Ike went to the movies with Ruby. My mom and dad began doing the dishes and I went upstairs. I read some more into a book I was currently into to and eventually my mind wondered to my erotic stories I was reading earlier before I was interrupted.
I went to get on my computer but then I looked outside and realized the sun was almost down all the way. I suddenly remembered the party that was going on at Bebe's and how Stan would for once be alone. I quickly put on my coat and went downstairs. I told my parents I was going out and they told me not to stay out too late. I left my yard and began making my way to Bebe's.
