Notes
Thanks Fey, you're the best, and I love our Star Wars conversations so much. I hope you'll like this.
Not mine, no Beta.
Satine opened her eyes and blinked at the ceiling of her bedroom. She couldn't discern anything in the darkness and she wondered what could have dragged her from a rare night of peaceful sleep.
A flashing blue light coming from a shelf in a corner of her room brought her mind to full awareness in an instant.
She had missed a call. And not any call.
Satine scrambled out of her bed and blindly ran to the corner of her bedroom to grab her old personal commlink. Her arm was too fast and the arc too wide and her fingers closed on the little object at the cost of several items falling from the shelf fall in the process.
Except Satine didn't hear the statuette fall to the ground, nor did she feel relieved when it fell on her lush carpet with a soft thud, undamaged. No, she had eyes only for the flashing comlink in her hands. She turned it on with trembling fingers and gazed at the missed call symbol, her eyes wide and unblinking.
She had stopped hoping for this call and had been too prideful to cave in and make it herself. One evening, she had even considered throwing the comm away. In the end, she had kept this memento of a year on the run and had continued to charge its battery regularly: the memories attached to it were too precious for her to separate herself from it.
Now that it had finally been used again, she found herself hesitating: what if the content of the message wasn't what she was hoping it was ? Worse, what if it wasn't him calling? Her breath caught in her throat. He couldn't be dead.
She forced air back into her lungs and slowly made her way back to her bed without bothering to turn on a light, navigating around the various pieces of furniture by memory rather than sight. She sat down, the small yet so precious item still cradled in her hands.
She took a fortifying breath and hit 'call'.
She didn't have long to wait until he picked up and she breathed a sigh of relief when his face appeared in a halo of blue light instead of his Padawan's or worse, an unknown Jedi's.
The old comm flashed a few times until the face of her dear Obi-Wan fully came into focus, the blurry edges sharpening as much as the low quality of the image afforded and her eyebrows rose high with worry. Nothing could have hidden the dark rings under his eyes or the defeated slump of his shoulders.
She gritted her teeth. What had those Jetii done this time? The last time she had seen him in such a state was the last time they had spoken in two years.
Obi-Wan took in her expression and he didn't try to hide his physical recoil away from the comm's camera.
"My apologies. I shouldn't have. It was an accident, I-"
"What is happening, Obi-Wan?" she cut his clumsy backpedaling, her worries reaching new heights.
"I might have made a mistake. I don't know. I don't have anyone I trust to talk to."
Obi-Wan carded a hand through his hair and closed it into a fist, tugging on the captive strands hard.
She swallowed back her disappointment and forced her jaw to unlock. This wouldn't be the call she had been hoping for but at least, he had called her. It was the first time since the war had started and that fateful last call.
She could still remember it with crystal clarity. She had screamed at him until her throat was raw: they had made plans over the past decade, they had agreed that as soon as his Padawan was Knighted, he would leave the Order and come to Mandalore. He had promised. Instead, he had told her he would help the Jedi become less than what they once had been, he was going to help turn the peace keepers into war generals. He would even lead them. And she had screamed her sorrow and betrayal at him so much she'd had to resort to bacta to heal her vocal chords in time for her public statement to her people the next morning.
How tired he had looked at that time, how sorrowful, as he had endured her taking out her powerlessness on him. He had listened and he had cried.
On that fateful day, he had made a similar face to the one he was sporting now, and she wondered which of their convictions the Jedi were putting away for the War's sake this time.
She forced herself to stay calm, inhaling through her nose and exhaling through her mouth. This wouldn't be like last time. It was different. He had come to her before allowing himself to be fully backed into a corner. She could still help him out of whichever corner the Order had backed him into.
"There's a new menace against the Chancellor."
Satine felt her lips curl back in disgust but she forced her features to smooth out. She despised that oily, deceitful man so much, always had. There was something in him she didn't trust that went even beyond the badly hidden relish he took in using his emergency powers to their fullest.
"He's one of the few people Anakin considers a true friend," Obi-Wan hesitantly continued, clearly on the defensive. Clearly, he remembered their last conversation as well as she did. "And this plan could work. We cannot let that happen."
"But you do not like the plan," she finished for him when he trailed off.
"The Council needed a volunteer."
Satine resisted the urge to facepalm.
"What did you do?" she forced through gritted teeth. Her silly, reckless Jedi, who was always putting himself into impossible situations. What had he done this time?
Obi-Wan sighed. "I shouldn't even be telling you this. It could jeopardize the whole mission."
"You are clearly reluctant to do your part in this plan and I've seen you find some atrocious ideas appalling. Is there no other option?"
The fact that he didn't even try to deny that quite a few of his 'good ideas' were in fact terrible ones had her expect the worst.
"I can't think of any. We're so out of our depth in this war Sati," he pleaded, his voice so devoid of hope it brought tears to her eyes, but as sincere as the sentiment behind this confession was, she refused to fall for this deflection.
"What is so bad with this plan even you have misgivings about it?"
Obi-Wan looked at her for a long time and le last of his resolve to stay silent broke.
"We have apprehended a Separatist. He works closely with Dooku and has said he has a plan to assassinate the Chancellor in the works. He doesn't seem to be bluffing. We can't take any chance, so we've decided to send someone to infiltrate the prison to learn more."
"And you've volunteered," she nodded. So far, beside the fact that her idiotic Jedi had volunteered, the situation didn't seem too senseless.
"I have."
"So how are you going to get close to this Separatist on such short notice? One more prisoner would just be a face in the crowd. "
Obi-Wan grimaced and Satine braced herself for the worst. So this was where things became messy.
"As you said, a nameless prisoner would never be able to catch their intention. But a Jedi killer would. Especially if they were arrested for the murder of a high profile Jedi."
"Beg your pardon?"
She knew her voice had dropped to a low hiss, but she didn't let herself be moved by Obi-Wan's flinch. This went beyond anything she had imagined and not in a good way.
"Please tell me you're not suggesting what I think you are."
"It would work," Obi-Wan's voice was rushed, but she could detect a note of uncertainty in it. this probably was the only thing that helped her shorten the leash she had on her temper. "We place a bounty on my head, I pretend to die, and I take their place."
"Of course it could work Obi." Satine paused to take a deep breath and get her steadily rising voice back under control. Anger wouldn't help her here, she needed to keep a cool head. "But at what cost? Sure, you'll get their attention. Then what? You stay dead forever?" Wait, was Obi-Wan thinking of deserting and coming to live on Mandalore after this mission? No, no Obi-Wan would never leave like a thief in the middle of the night like this.
"Of course not. The mission over, I would come back."
"Just like that? No consequences?" she scoffed. Blind Jetii who couldn't see how distrustful people were becoming of them. "What does Anakin think about this?"
Silence was her only answer and Satine interpreted it with ease.
"He doesn't know," she whispered and Obi-Wan screwed his eyes shut, as though it could block the sound of her repeating it again, and again, each time a little louder.
The reality of the situation sank in and Satine couldn't help it. She laughed. She laughed until she felt tears gather in her eyes. This was so ridiculous it couldn't be true.
"You will not tell him. And you wouldn't have told me. All the people who love you would have thought you were dead and you think it wouldn't have destroyed us? You think you'll be able to come back and everything will be just like before? You think we will still trust you?"
"Anakin can't act to save his life! Anyone with eyes can see how involved he is with Senator Amidala. Did you know they are married? Their names are on Naboo's public register! If he knew, then everyone would know and the mission would fail!"
"Then send someone else, surely you're not the only one qualified for this madness!"
She wanted to break something. She wanted to hurl the comm across her room. More than anything, she wanted to grab Obi-Wan by the shoulders and shake him until common sense came back to him.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you."
"Obi-Wan, wait," she ordered when she saw he was ready to cut the transmission. "There's more to it isn't there? I know you. Lying and betraying the people you care about, this isn't something you'd do."
She could see Obi-Wan close his eyes and his hand was back in his head, twisting and tugging. It was an old habit of his, one she had thought the Jedi would have trained out of him after all this time. For once, she couldn't find it in herself to want to bat his hand away from his hair. The Jedi hadn't managed to make him lose that habit. They didn't have full control over Obi-Wan's mind.
"And that's the problem isn't it? I care too much, I've always had." he sighed, long and dragged out, hand knotting even more tightly in his hair. It was as long as it had been towards the end of his mission to Mandalore. She wondered if he kept it to this length on purpose. "The Council thinks the same. They want to separate us."
"You and Anakin? But you're nearly the only two Jedi left who have the people's support."
"We're too attached to each other. It would prove them that at least on my end, one of us isn't blinded by this… defect."
"Love has never kept us from our duties," she frowned. "I do not see how this could be different."
"Anakin isn't like us Sati and I don't want something to happen to him because of me. I don't want anything to happen to the Chancellor either. I failed him with his mother already. I can't fail him with one of the few friends he has. I simply can't."
"So you're ready to lose him on the off chance this prisoner is telling the truth? And you don't trust your peers enough to do the job in your stead?"
"I do trust them."
"Then let them do it," she spat. Why couldn't he see reason? It didn't have to be him. He might want to protect his former Padawan but he was blind to what it would cost him.
She nodded resolutely to herself, her decision made. If Obi-Wan couldn't take care of himself, she would do it for him. He couldn't stand the idea of him somehow failing his apprentice over an imagined duty he had placed upon himself? Well she couldn't stand his martyring ways anymore. This was the last straw.
The Jedi clearly weren't who they had once been, if they ever had been fully invested in galactic peace to begin with. Maybe the Order were fine with their heads buried as far in the sand as they could put them but she wasn't and Obi-Wan clearly shared her opinion though he couldn't admit this truth even to himself.
Fortunately for him, Satine could recognize a cry for help when she heard one.
"Do you remember the last time we talked? At the beginning of the war?"
If he couldn't save himself, she would. Whether he wanted it or not, whether he resented her for it or not, she would. He might not see it but he was playing in his Councils' hands. They were trying to isolate him. Anakin, his men, the little girl Anakin had adopted - Ahsla or something. Perhaps Ahsoka? - even her. Though their bonds were strong, sometimes the damage was too great for relationships to be mended and this deception would make it impossible for anyone fully place their trust in his hands again.
"I do."
His answer sounded more like a question than an affirmation. He clearly couldn't see what had prompted this segue and she understood his surprise. But she could also have sworn she has detected a hint of hope in his tone and it strengthened her resolve.
"You told me that if I had ever asked it of you, you would have left the Order with Anakin. We had spoken of you leaving once you were Knighted but then you had Anakin and you promised to raise him to Knighthood."
Out of range of the comm's camera, she unclenched the fist that wasn't already tightly wrapped around the comm's and wrapped this arm around her middle. She was strong enough. She was. She had survived worse, this was nothing. She was prepared for the outright rejection that would follow. She just needed to pry a little to go beyond the ingrained response. She hadn't wanted to push before but she hadn't known back then he had been hoping to be convinced to leave.
"He's a Knight now."
Obi-Wan's mouth dropped open.
"I didn't ask you then. I would never have trapped you in a life you didn't want. I never knew you had wanted to stay on Mandalore so much. But I am asking you now, Obi-Wan. This place, this war, they are destroying you. So please come back."
"I can't. There's the war and-"
"Enough with your excuses. Your child is old enough now. You hate fighting and sending men who are little more than brainwashed slaves to their deaths. You do not want to be a General instead of a Jedi. Your Order is not what you told me it was. Not anymore. And as disheartening as it may sound, you are just one person in a galaxy scale war. It can and will be fought without you."
She raised a hand to stall his protests. "You trusted me enough to call me when you doubted. So trust me now when I tell you the cost of this mission isn't worth it. I love you Obi-Wan, I have never stopped loving you. And I care far too much about you to sit back and let them demand this of you. So please," she finished, voice strangled by the same tears she was doing her best to keep from falling from her eyes, "please, my Knight, if you still share my feelings, leave now and come back to me."
Obi-Wan's holographic projection swallowed with difficulty several times. Then all the tension seemed to drain from his shoulders and he slumped forward, his eyes never leaving hers.
"As my Duchess commands."
The familiar answer was all she needed. It was the acceptance of her request. It was the reassurance that she wasn't coercing him into leaving the Order. But most of all, it meant 'I still love you too'.
Satine let herself fall backwards until her head hit the soft covers of her bed. She placed the commlink beside her and rolled on her side to keep facing it.
She and Obi-Wan stayed in their respective positions until Coruscant's sun rose again and started illuminating the room Obi-Wan was in, coloring his projection into a lighter blue. Only then did he move. He stretched before getting up, comm in hand, and he looked more relaxed than she could remember ever seeing him be in years.
"I suppose I have a few goodbyes to make and some last formalities to fulfill."
"It barely takes eight days to reach Mandalore from Coruscant. If you're not knocking on Sundari's dome in ten, I'm coming to get you and I'm dragging you back home with me. Consider yourself warned."
"Duly noted my dear," Obi-Wan answered with a genuine laugh before cutting the connection.
Satine stretched long and slow, savoring the new path her future had just taken. It was still pitch black dark outside, but she rose with a smile and started getting ready for the day. There was no chance she would get an additional second of sleep tonight and she too had preparations to make.
End notes
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