It was a peaceful day at Central headquarters

It was a peaceful day at Central headquarters. The staff at Colonel Mustang's branch were doing their daily routine: pretending to do what they were supposed to do, while really doing nothing and being quite bored with it. Lieutenant Hawkeye had heralded the coming of an unusually large sheaf of papers, which the Colonel was much too busy being bored to read and sign. This dragged on until the lunch break, when the Colonel went to go on some lunch date with some new entry to his little black book. Havoc cried silently, jabbing jealous looks at the Colonel's back as he left; the girl the Colonel was on a date with was Kelly, whom Havoc had been trying to win for a month. Fuery, Breda, and Fallman all tried to comfort his sorrows the best that they could, even giving him a new pack of cigarettes, which seemed to help a little. Suddenly, Fallman had an idea. "You know, maybe if we did you-know-what, it'd help!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. Havoc looked up at him. "Sssh! If anyone finds out—"

"I know that, of course, but still, let's go!" Fallman interrupted.

Havoc sighed and followed Fallman. Fuery and Breda were right behind. They went down the hallways to the locker rooms, where a locker between all of theirs stood. Fallman looked back and forth several times to make sure that nobody was there, sending Fuery and Breda as lookouts at the ends of the locker row. He twiddled the combination, and opened the locker. Inside were four matching spandex suits; blue like the military uniform, with orange capes, as well as frilly pink sleeping masks with eyeholes cut in them.

"Mystery Military Men, let's go!" Fallman shouted, throwing everyone a suit and sleeping mask.

The four suited men did a roll call as they bounced out of Central Headquarters.

"Ladies' Man, at your service!" Havoc said.

"Sir Reads-a-Lot reporting for duty!" Fallman exclaimed.

"HSNP, HasNoSixPack, on the job!" Breda yelled."

"Saiv Inteh Puppees, ready to do whatever it takes," Fuery said timidly.

The four superheroes walked around Central, attracting many a shocked stare. "Okay, this is boring," Havoc said as they walked past a bakery.

"Well, that's because we're not at our destination, which is a reconnaissance mission," Fallman replied.

"We're spying on the Colonel's date?!" Breda asked.

"Of course, and Ladies' Man can mysteriously whisk her away, the whole romantic thing," Fallman told him, quickly hiding a romance novel, making a book shaped lump in the chest of his suit. Havoc was blushing under the sleeping mask now, entranced by the thought of finally getting a girl.

They had just passed a fancy diner that the Colonel favored for dates for the tenth time, but he was not there. They checked every nook and cranny of the city's stores and eateries, but to no avail. The Colonel was simply nowhere to be found on his date. They were getting quite discouraged, Havoc being the most, as his slightly cheering fantasy of stealing a girl from the Colonel, of all people, was quickly being crushed.

A crying sound was what brought the quartet's attention to a small girl, obviously in need of assistance. "What's wrong?" Ladies' Man asked, using his most seductive charms.

"My pet is missing!" the girl cried, sobbing into Saiv Inteh Puppees' shoulder.

"What kind of pet?" Sir Reads-a-Lot asked, being businesslike as usual.

"My dog, Hikousen," the girl sniffled.

Saiv Inthe Puppees nearly started crying in sympathy. "The poor dog! We'll find him, don't worry!" he declared, looking at the others, determination written on his face.

HNSP's obvious shock, fear, and disgust was ignored, and so the team split up to recover the lost pet.

iI won't find it….I won't find it…don't worry, it's not going to be me who finds it…/i HasNoSixPack thought, dreading the very thought of finding the lost dog. He wished that he had been able to find a way out of this, but Saiv Inteh Puppies was insistent that he help. He walked the streets, shaking in his spandex suit, praying that he didn't find any dogs. Although he knew it was a slim possibility that his luck would hold out, he couldn't help but cross his fingers and hope for the best.

A blur from behind knocked the shaking superhero to the ground. "What the--?" he yelled, paling as he saw exactly what had knocked him over. "D-d-dog…" he gasped. It slowly advanced on him, its slobbering mouth and dangerously wagging tail coming closer…there was no escape…

The other three members of the group came running when they heard a bloodcurdling scream in the direction that HSNP had gone. It took the three of them ten minutes to arrive at the scene, panting and sweating, to find their comrade passed out, and under the attack of a dog, which, after a quick collar inspection, proved to be Hikousen. It took a while to revive the traumatized hero, but when he finally did come to, the whole neighborhood was there to cheer him on. One old lady in the crowd asked "Who are you people?"

"Saiv Inteh Puppees!" Fuery grinned.

"HSNP, HasNoSixPack!" Breda yelled.

"Sir Reads Alot!" Fallman stated.

"Ladies' Man!" Havoc said, in his most seductive voice.

Together, they all cried "and we are the Mystery Military Men!"