AN- This is a pretty poor offering to those waiting for me to get a move on with my other stories, but because I'm currently in the grip of the Writer's Block of Dooom!, this is the only thing you get at the moment. Team Tyler's Van for the win!
Disclaimer- Twilight is the property of SMeyer and anyone associated.
You don't need a personality to attract a guy. In fact, not having one is preferable so he can use you as an outlet for his ego.
Some people just shouldn't be let out of the house. At all.
A thesaurus is a requirement, so you can familiarise yourself with words no one's ever used before so you can adequately describe every little detail of the subject of your affection, and frequently break into soliloquies on said subject for no apparent reason. Because that's not creepy at all.
For the first time ever, owning a Volvo means instant coolness.
Men are crabby when they're hungry.
'Vegetarian' is a flexible term.
Stalking and sabotaging vehicles says 'I love you', but just being an honest and genuine friend is weird and sick.
Always check the facts before doing something really, really stupid.
Hearing voices should not be a cause for alarm. Delusions are not the first sign of early-onset dementia, and there is no need to be checked out by a doctor.
If the other guy does not believe exactly the same thing you do, he's evil and must be destroyed at all costs until he sees the light and apologises for ruining your day.
Grand theft auto is okay, but only if you're in a foreign country.
Children are soul sucking, bone-breaking, bloodthirsty demons, but they look cute so you'll keep them.
Love is blind. And maybe slightly retarded. But sometimes it still makes you want to beat it to death with a golf club.
Fairies and gay men aren't the only things that sparkle.
Mortal men just aren't that hot anymore. Let's face it; you're all a bit too alive for our taste.
It's okay to expose yourself to life-threatening danger and then stand around looking helpless. Sooner or later you will be rescued by someone who can't resist the lure of your vulnerability. Either that, or because they want to eat you.
Established vampire and werewolf lore that has been around for generations is more of a general guideline than a rule.
A lot of money can be made out of a wet dream. Novice writers all over the world have been given new hope.
The first movie in the franchise is good for insomnia. Tru fax.
Necrophilia has never had better hair.
Unless you want demon spawn clawing its way out of your abdomen, use protection. Possibly a crossbow. Having garlic and a crucifix doesn't hurt either.
To a man that technically died over one hundred years ago, misogyny is an acceptable practice.
If you aren't that book-smart, hurl out some well-known titles by respected authors that you are required to study in school anyway and everybody will think you're a genius.
Romance is hiding in a tent curled up between two men with highly suspicious motives and anger control issues.
Parents are people who are unable to cook for themselves, do their own housework, and have a below-average mental capacity, yet somehow manage to adequately look after you until you aren't their legal responsibility anymore.
Family are the ones that help you burn the bodies.
