Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The Twilight universe was created by Stephenie Meyer and consequently belongs to her. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Note: This story is AU but up to Bella's dive for recreational purposes everything is canon.


Water Under The Bridge

chapter one

The last thing she feels for a long time is the crushing pain when she hits the water. Typical, her mind states dryly, as she is sinking deeper and deeper, unable to move her legs and unwilling to struggle otherwise. So many others had jumped off that cliff before and nothing ever happened. How typical that her body would be twisted from the fall and meet the hard surface at the wrong angle. She closes her eyes, ready to die here, surrounded by foaming and roaring water. It is icy cold like his skin. The only thing she craves is to hear his voice again.

Only once more.

Oh, Bella, what did you do? Her heartbeat accelerates. She doesn't want his voice to sound so profoundly sad. No, Edward, not like this. Her eyes open and all she sees is the stormy sea, a turbulent death trap of greens and blues.

And then, just as her lungs start burning and she is about to inhale salty water, strong hands clasp around her shoulders, then reach under her arms and pull her up, up, away. Her body is limp in his death grip, limp still as she is dragged onto the shore.

"Bella? Oh God, Bella. Are you all right?" Jake asks, his voice breaking. He looks panicked.

"Sure, sure," she imitates him, sputtering water in-between her words. Perversely, she feels betrayed. There is a part of her that wanted to drown, that longs to be in the roaring water. Her body is strangely numb. She feels the cold and ragged stone against her clammy palms but there is no pressure against her thighs, her legs. Nothing.

"What is it?" Jacob must have seen the frown on her forehead, the confusion in her eyes.

"Don't feel," she starts. The words seem heavy and jumbled together. It's hard to form even one coherent thought. Her mind is blocked by the image of golden eyes filled with pity and ancient sadness. "M' legs."

Jake turns his head and reaches over, probably touching the parts of her body she just described. "Do you feel this?" he asks anxiously.

"Feel what?" she mumbles dreamily. Her head is so heavy and roars like the sea.

"Shit," he hisses. She is only vaguely aware of another voice, possibly Embry's, but she can't be sure. It sounds far away. Her wet hair dangles like that of a broken doll, as Jacob pulls her up into his arms and carries her off, away from the water.


There is a constant beeping that annoys her into consciousness. Why doesn't it stop? Don't they know that she wants to stay in the dark and drown in silence?

"Bella, can you hear me? Bella?" It is Charlie's voice, she recognises it immediately. Her eyelids struggle against gravity. It's bright, all too bright. She blinks, hectic and disorientated.

"Bella, I'm here. Mummy's here. Please, stay with us," her mother's voice pleads. She and Charlie in one room? What did she do to bring that about? Oh, right, the cliff. She remembers jumping. Something must have gone wrong. Struggling to keep her eyes open, Bella tries to make out her surroundings: white, bleak walls; a monitor that is responsible for the nerve-wrecking beeping; her parents looking pale and tired but relieved as well. Oh, she must be in hospital once again. Coming to this easy conclusion is hard; her thoughts are tangled and thinking is like wading through a jungle without a machete. Her mind seems all woolly and, accident-prone as she is, she recognises this feeling as the after-effects of anaesthesia.

"Honey, you're all right now. You had surgery and you're in hospital but everything's fine," her mother assures her. Her voice sounds strange. Something isn't right but she can't place the expression in Renée's eyes. Charlie's smile seems forced. Bella closes her eyes. Maybe it's the drugs.

"I'm," she tries to speak but her mouth is dry and papery and the words get stuck on the way out.

"Shhhh, it's OK. The doctor said you're not allowed to drink anything just yet. Try to sleep a little more," Renée encourages her and Bella feels a hand pressing hers. Good, sleep it is then...


"How long have I slept?" She feels groggy when she wakes again but her mother doesn't seem to have left her side and looks tired enough for both of them.

"You slept through the day," Renée tells her. Bella blinks and looks for Charlie. "Visiting hours are over. They only allowed me to stay because I would have made a scene if they had made me leave," her mother explains, her chin raised stubbornly.

"What--" Bella starts.

"You had surgery but they can't say anything yet. Your fall was very unlucky," Renée interrupts. She doesn't look as if she wants to go into detail and, for the first time since her dive into nothingness, Bella is aware of the potential consequences. She may not be able to repeat this particular experience or anything else that requires the use of her legs. The realisation doesn't bring horror or fear, only calm acceptance of incontrovertible facts. She feels oddly detached from herself and any future Bella Swan may have had ahead of her.

"You should go home and catch some sleep, mom," she says and smiles encouragingly. "You falling off the chair will do neither of us any good." Renée protests but Bella convinces her that she is fine for now and doesn't want to worry about her mother being on the verge of complete exhaustion. Renée eventually agrees to leave her until the morning. Her mother must have had a hard time, seeing her like this, and Bella feels a new wave of guilt threatening to crush her. Minutes later, a nurse comes in and checks the apparatuses around her. She smiles distractedly, when she discovers that Bella is awake, but leaves without a word. And Bella is glad that she doesn't have to do small talk. Her position becomes increasingly uncomfortable, probably only because she can't move on her own, and she longs to lie on her back. For a while, she stares at the vacant chair, trying to make sense of all this. Why didn't she wait for Jacob? She shouldn't have tried this on her own, it was foolish and reckless and she probably deserved whatever consequences there may be now. But then, just like driving up to the Cullen house and making sure that the meadow existed, this had been something she simply had to do.

Just when she is about to doze off again, there is a blur in the corner of her eyes. She freezes. Has Victoria come back?

"Bella," a high and all too familiar voice calls out – melodic and smooth like honey. Bella stops breathing and turns her head very slowly towards the speaker. The sight of the tiny figure pierces her heart to the core. It has to be a dream. "Bella, I saw you jump," Alice goes on, suddenly standing next to her bed. With Alice, seeing gets an entirely different meaning. "I didn't see you come back up," she adds and Bella reaches out to make sure that this isn't a hallucination.

"You're real," Bella marvels, touching the cold and hard skin of Alice's arm. Her eyes are glued to the beautiful face of her friend.

"Of course I am, silly. Would you care to explain why you jumped off that cliff?" Alice asks seriously. There is something in the way she looks at Bella that makes her understand the hidden implication of the question. It's strange and probably worrying that she gets Alice immediately but failed to recognise her parents' anxiety for what it was. She takes a deep breath.

"Oh no, I didn't try to kill myself. It's just something I saw the other kids down at La Push doing, you know, for the thrill."

"The thrill?" Alice looks sceptical. "Since I never saw you resurface, how come you're still alive?"

"Jacob saved me," Bella explains. She cringes inwardly at the thought of how much saving she needed these past months. Embarrassed, she notices that she is still clinging to Alice's arm. "Sorry," she mumbles and lets go.

"Don't worry." Alice sits down on the chair her mother held watch on not long ago, a faraway look on her face. Only now Bella realises that it is plastic and probably very uncomfortable to sit on. "I'm not supposed to look for things concerning you but I can't block the visions that come to me. I told him but he doesn't want to hear," Alice grumbles. "This Jacob never appeared in it. I thought you drowned."

Bella puts a loose strand of hair behind her ear, ashamed. As happy as she is for having Alice here, seeing her again, she didn't want her to find her like this. "I'm just so glad to see you."

Alice sighs. "You're supposed to be safe now."

Bella snorts. "Tell that Victoria," she says without thinking.

"What was that?" Oh, crap. If Alice learns about her problems, she might feel compelled to do something about them. For old times' sake. Bella doesn't want anyone else getting involved, risking their lives, and especially not petite, ethereal Alice.

"Nothing."

"Bella!" Alice glowers at her.

Fear grips her heart. No, Alice must not get mad; she must not leave her so quickly! The surge of panic welling up inside her makes Bella compliant. And so, heaving a sigh of defeat, Bella tells her about Laurent, Victoria and how her werewolf friends protected her. The words keep flowing, they unravel like a ball of wool. It takes long to get everything off her chest and she yawns through the last sentences. Keeping all this to herself, worrying about it all the time, has been more exhausting than she thought. Alice's jaw works and she looks very tense but she lets Bella finish without interruptions.

"It's almost ridiculous, the way you're attracting danger," she eventually says, her voice surprisingly even.

"Uh-huh." Fighting off sleep, Bella watches her friend closely through heavy eyes. Alice hasn't changed, of course she hasn't. Her pixie-like beauty is still intact. It takes Bella a few seconds to notice that her eyes are pitch-black and that she looks paler than usual. "You're thirsty," she states unnecessarily. Everything not to fall asleep.

Alice shrugs it off. "I came here as fast as possible. But you're tired and I --"

"No, don't leave me, Alice!" Bella exclaims, panicked, gripping her friend's arm again. They haven't mentioned her brother's name but just by being here Alice is a link between him and Bella, between the world before and after that damnable day in the forest. A link that broke abruptly in a tangle of trees and ferns too long ago.

"There, calm down," Alice says, petting Bella's outstretched arm, and then suddenly goes rigid. "You alerted the nurse. I'll be back in the morning, I promise. But I need to go hunting first." She gives her a tiny smile, undoes Bella's firm grip easily, and one blink later she is gone. Listening to the hurried steps of the nurse, Bella falls back onto her pillow and hopes beyond hope that this wasn't just her imagination.


Alice doesn't arrive before, during or after breakfast. Not that Bella feels like eating the barely edible looking hospital food but a friendly male nurse persuades her to at least have the yoghurt, and then hands her a couple of capsules. Bella swallows them without comment. She doesn't know what they are for – she hasn't even asked what exactly her condition is – since she still feels as if in limbo. If only Alice keeps her promise! But the first person to arrive is Renée and then Charlie shows up with Jacob. With them Bella's hope to see Alice any time soon dwindles. She must have seen her visitors and will undoubtedly stay away until after they left. Anxious and impatient as she is, Bella's answers to her parents' and Jacob's gentle enquiries and attempts at small talk are monosyllabic. It doesn't take long for Charlie to comment on that.

"Bella, are you feeling all right?" he asks and nearly blushes when Renée gives him a look of utter incredulity. No, tact has never been Charlie's forte but Bella finds this mostly endearing. "I mean, erm, all things considered." He squirms on his chair, uncomfortable. Jacob finds the whiteness of the walls very interesting.

It won't take much more and Bella will burst into hysterical laughter; she feels like crying more than anything, but she can't and won't allow herself to break down in front of her parents and Jacob. No, they saw enough of her being weak and battered. There is more, even if Bella is embarrassed to think about it. A selfish voice in the corner of her mind, a voice which is steadily getting louder, wants them to leave sooner rather than later, so that Alice can come visit her. The same voice remains remarkably silent on the possibility that her hope might be in vain.

Strangely enough, Jacob seems almost shy around her mother, although Renée is everything but the intimidating type. He rarely speaks and his arms are crossed in front of his chest during the entire visit. There is no need for him to be nervous; Bella can see the warm and grateful looks Charlie and Renée both throw in Jacob's, their daughter's saviour's, direction. She is unsure of her own feelings. Death would have sealed the hole in her chest but she has never been one to just give up. Yet, she is so tired of wanting the impossible. Edward will never come back to her. There, she thought his name and immediately feels the familiar sting.

"Thanks, Jake," she says quietly when the three of them are saying their goodbyes. "For, you know, saving my life." Hurriedly, as if they have been waiting for Bella to speak these words, Charlie and Renée leave the room.

"I wish I had been there to stop you," Jake says gruffly. She puts her hand on his big one, not even covering half of it.

"Nobody could have done that," she whispers.

Jacob chuckles but there is no trace of humour in it. "Bella, if only you loved life half as much as your bloodsucker." Abruptly he pulls his hand away.

It hurts because there is truth in what he says. Bella lives on because that is what Edward wanted her to do, but she cannot forget what it was like when he was the centre of her life, when he was her everything, when life was worth living. There must have been a time when she was content with just living day after day but she cannot remember how she felt then. Without Jacob she might not have been able to go on. Jacob, her personal sun.

"I wonder, Bells, what he would have to say to you now? Would he care at all?" Jacob's words are tinged with bitterness, which makes them even harder to swallow. Bella has no air left in her lungs to reply. Struggling to keep her composure, she focuses on the anger welling up inside her. How dare he speak to her like that?

"Out," she grits out eventually.

His eyes widening with the comprehension that he went too far, again, he scrambles for words to make up for his blunder. "I...I'm worried, OK? You...I don't know how to say this. I was freaked out when I had to pull you out of the water. I thought you were --"

"Please, Jacob. I need you to leave. I can't...deal with this right now." It sounds desperate to her ears but so be it. He can never understand what it is like for her. He tries to make it better, tries all the time, but he will never be able to fill the gap, because he doesn't understand how vast it is.

"It wasn't him then," he says with grim satisfaction. She can see that he's trembling, that he is fighting with anger.

"What?"

He sneers at her. "I can smell them, Bella. I can smell your leeches. They stink like rotting fruit, only worse. The whole time I have been trying not to lose it and transform in front of Charlie and Renée and...you. But I knew that one of them was in this room, was here with you. It wasn't him, though, was it?"

Understanding dawns on her. No, he hadn't been shy or at a loss for words, not Jacob. He had been trying to protect her parents. "No," she brings herself to say.

"Yeah, well, think about that." The smile he gives her is unpleasant but she can't muster the irritation she felt before. He never made a secret out of his dislike, no, hatred for the Cullens and he probably can't help it either. So she only presses her head into the pillow and keeps her eyes shut until she hears the door closing.


Nurse Ellen helped her turn to the other side earlier. She is a good-natured but brusque woman around forty, who clearly likes her job despite the long hours she works.

It's ridiculous how nice it is to see the other side of the room. It is not as bleak as the side she already knows by heart since she can see a picture with sunflowers and the small window. The blinds are drawn though, which feels oddly symbolic to her confused mind. Forks is a small town with mostly healthy people and so it is not surprising that she has a room to herself. Bella is glad for it. If she had had a conscious roommate he would have noticed her growing anxiety.

Alice turns up when the lights are out. Silent as a shadow, she stands in the door that was closed only moments before. Bella has been listening to the hushed voices leaking through from the corridor. Some of the staff must be secretly listening to the radio.

"The room smells like your werewolf friend," Alice says, wrinkling her nose.

"You have something in common then. He doesn't like the way you smell, either," Bella answers, delighted at the very sight of the vampire.

"It seems that I can't see anything where these dogs are involved. I almost died of shock when your future disappeared a few hours ago. I couldn't see a thing," Alice complains.

"Jake would be thrilled to know that," Bella muses aloud. She is not sure whether she will share this piece of information with him in the near future, since she is still mad at him.

"I can imagine," Alice says dryly and closes the door. The room is suddenly veiled in darkness and Alice becomes a shadowy figure most people only ever see in nightmares. When she comes closer, her movements are as fluid as water. She switches on the light on the bed stand a second later and Bella can see that her eyes are warm and golden now. However, she looks anxious about something.

"Bella, I'm not sure how to tell you this but I kind of called Edward," she blurts out, avoiding Bella's eyes.

"Oh." The colour drains from her face, as Bella tries to wrap her mind around the news. She stares stupidly at the tiny figure of her friend.

"He's coming here," Alice adds. She looks up at Bella's next words.

"Why is that?"

"Because he's worried and he wants to be here." Alice sounds as if this is the most logical and natural thing in the world, which doesn't need an explanation.

Something inside Bella becomes loose and she snaps, "So all it took was a leap off the cliff, huh? Should've done that earlier then."

"Not funny, Bella." Alice glares at her.

"Not meant to be," Bella replies hotly. The prospect of seeing Edward, really seeing him, makes her hands clammy and causes her stomach to drop into nothingness.

Alice's eyes soften and she sits down on her heels and takes her hand. The coldness sends a thrill through Bella's body.

"It's just," Bella whispers, her voice on the verge of breaking, "I needed him before. Nothing changed. It was so hard, the thought of never seeing him again..." She has to stop and concentrate on breathing for a while. "Alice, I had no one to talk to. I lost the most important thing in my life and nobody would understand. You try living like that."

Alice hisses something under her breath not loud enough for Bella to hear. Whatever it is, it doesn't sound friendly. Tied to the bed by her current state, Bella cannot even try to escape the inevitable. Not that you could outrun me. His words have never been truer. No, she can't outrun him, she never will and she isn't ready to face him!

...to be continued


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