Trials of Shish Kebab: A New Talk Show
Okie dokies! We've decided to start a new talk show, this time with the cast of...dun dun dun! Cirque du Freak! So sit back and let us...uh...do our thing? I...guess...
Disclaimer: We, quite obviously, don't own anything. Because if we did, then...wow...
A/N: Kaitlin and Stephanie equals Cheesey Goodness
Stephanie: Lights!
Kaitlin: Camera!
Both: ACTION!
Kaitlin: Okay...That was cheesy...
Stephanie: Yes...Well, welcome to TRIALS OF SHISH KEBAB: A NEW TALK SHOW.
Kaitlin: Different guest appearances every time!
Stephanie: And we are your hosts.
Kaitlin: Yes we are...
Silence.
Stephanie: Uh...Today we will be interviewing Darren Shan!
Darren: -walks on stage- Um...Hello?
Kaitlin: Yeah, yeah. Sit!
Darren: -sits-
Stephanie: -to Kaitlin- Don't we have any chairs?
Kaitlin: Naw.
Stephanie: Oh...-to Darren-You can just stay there on the floor!
Kaitlin: Next guest! Mr. Larten Crepsley!
Mr. Crepsley: -walks on stage- Where the hell am I?! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!
Stephanie: Calm down! Must we restrain you?
Kaitlin: I shall...not...be restrained.
Stephanie: Not you! But, maybe...
Mr. Crepsley: -sits next to Darren-
Stephanie: -presses button-
Button: That was easy.
Kaitlin: Let's move on to the questions!
Stephanie: Yes, alright...Darren. How's life been treating you?
Darren: Uhhhh...I dunno.
Stephanie: What an answer!
Kaitlin: Larten. What about you?
Mr. Crepsley: Grrr...
Kaitlin: Never mind!
Awkward silence.
Stephanie: And now...It is time for...THE TRIALS OF SHISH KEBAB! OWAH!
Darren: Excuse me?
Stephanie: You heard me.
Kaitlin: Darren. You will take part in five trials. THE TRIALS OF SHISH KEBAB! OWAH!
Stephanie: I shall randomly pick them from my own mind...Okay! First, you must complete the Trial: Tomato Tapioca. Go to the grocery store and buy the finest of the fine tomatoes.
Kaitlin: Tomatoes.
Darren: But-
Stephanie: No buts! Now march!
Kaitlin: March.
Darren: Sir, yes, sir! –marches out door-
Camera man: -follows-
Stephanie: Good luck with that.
Kaitlin: That.
Stephanie: I don't need an echo, thanks!
AT THE STORE
Darren: I don't see what this has to do with tapioca...
Tomatoes: -are brown and mushy- Pick us! We are the finest of the fine!
Darren: Psh. Wannabes. –picks better tomatoes-
Wannabe Tomatoes: We shall meet...-voice morph-...again, Darren Shan. Muahaha!
BACK ON STAGE
Darren: -returns-I have gotten the tomatoes, Your Majesties!
Stephanie: Congratulations. You have passed Trial Number Tomato Tapioca.
Kaitlin: That's not a num—
Stephanie: Quiet, you!
Darren: So, what do I do now?
Kaitlin: You must complete the second Trial.
Stephanie: Which I will now select randomly from my mind...Aaaaalright. You got the Trial: Skewers or Stakes.
Darren: I have a bad feeling about this.
Kaitlin: You should!
Stephanie: You are charged to go and find skewers...But, not real skewers...Stakes.
Darren: Why?
Kaitlin: You'll find out!
Darren: But why am I finding stakes? Do you know how ironic that is for a vampire?
Stephanie: And I thought you were slow, Kaitlin.
Kaitlin: Hey, shut up!
Stephanie: That was practically a compliment.
Darren: Wait, so that was an insult?
Stephanie: To you or her?
Darren: Me.
Kaitlin: Yes.
Darren: Ah...
Stephanie: Anyways! Go!
Darren: Fine...
AT ANOTHER STORE
Darren: Stakes...-finds stakes- -presses button-
Button: That was easy.
BACK ON STAGE
Darren: I have brought the stakes!
Stephanie: Good. Now for the next Trial. Randomly selecting one from my mind...Ah! Ooh...That one hurt...Uh...Your next Trial is Grillz.
Kaitlin: Smile fo me daddy.
Stephanie: KAITLIN!
Kaitlin: Sorry...-hums-
Stephanie: It's just good that you don't still like that song...
Kaitlin: Yeah...Good times...
Stephanie: Okay. Darren, you have to grill the shish kebabs to perfection. And don't even try to poison them because you're going to be the first to eat them. Larten, too.
Darren: Shit...-hides flask-
Kaitlin: Ready, steady...
Grill: -appears-
Kaitlin: Go!
Darren: -grills shish kebabs- Good thing I know how to cook.
Stephanie: -under breath- Cheater...
LATER
Darren: AAAAAAAAAAAH! I'm done...
Stephanie: Oh, joy...-looks bored-
Kaitlin: Why did that take so long?
Darren: Those tomatoes were just...so...stuck up.
Stephanie: They're...tomatoes...
Darren: Exactly!
Stephanie: Um...?
Kaitlin: NEXT!
Stephanie: Right. Selecting...randomly...mind...blah...Alright. You're going to go over there –points to large target painted on wall- and do the can-can with your little friend Larten.
Darren and Mr. Crepsley: WHAT?!
Kaitlin: You heard her! Get over there!
Darren and Mr. Crepsley: -walk over to wall-
Stephanie: -turns on random music- Now can-can! Can-can for your life!
Darren: Ew! I'm not touching him!
Mr. Crepsley: Um...This is extremely uncomfortable.
Darren: -to Mr. Crepsley-You old bean!
Stephanie: Being or bean?
Darren: BEAN!
Stephanie: Oh, that helped a lot!
Kaitlin: Ignore her! Just get this over with.
Darren and Mr. Crepsley: -can-can while attempting to stay far away from each other-
Stephanie: -yells over music- Okay! You've completed that! But, don't stop! Now you will do the fifth Trial: Throw the Shish Kebab Stakes at Darren and Larten.
Darren and Mr. Crepsley: WHAT?!
Kaitlin: You were just surprised in the same way as you were before the last Trial. Try something different.
Darren and Mr. Crepsley: BEAN?!
Kaitlin: Eh...Good 'nuff.
Darren and Mr. Crepsley: -continue doing the can-can-
Stephanie: Okay...Move a little to the left.
Darren and Mr. Crepsley: -move to the left while can-canning-
Kaitlin: Okay, ready?
Stephanie: SHOOT HIM!
Stephanie and Kaitlin: -chuck stake shish kebabs at Darren-
Darren: WOAH MY GOD! WOAH MY GOD! –runs around in circles-
Mr. Crepsley: -runs away screaming...like a girl!-
LATER
Darren: -sits crying in a corner-
Stephanie: Hey, Darren!-walks over-
Darren: -looks up-
Stephanie: Watch this.-yells-Hey, Kaitlin!
Kaitlin: Why are you way over there?
Stephanie: I dunno. Anyways, I was just wondering if you would like some of this Kenyan Surprise. –holds up glass of what looks like milk-
Kaitlin: Sure...
Stephanie: -hands Kaitlin glass-
Kaitlin: -drinks Kenyan Surprise- This tastes like milk. What the hell are you doing to me?!
Stephanie: Did you know that Kenyans often like to drink milk mixed with cow blood?
Kaitlin: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
Darren: -laughs-
Stephanie: That's right! Here, Darren. You can have the rest.
Darren: YAY! –chugs it down-
Kaitlin: But, he's a vampire. He likes blood!
Stephanie: Exactly...
Darren: Well, I'll be going now! -leaves- Now to find Larten...
Stephanie: -chases- Wait! You must get your complimentary pens!
And that's the end of that! That thing about the milk is true by the way.
Thank you with all my heart, Vicki for making this chapter possible!
Next chapter...Steve? R.V.? Who shall it be?
Please review. I'm even asking nicely!
