My first Darvey fanfiction
What Our Hearts Have Always Known
Chapter One
Harvey found himself in a familiar place, alone, drinking scotch in his new office on the 50th floor. What a night he thought. Paula had just left an hour ago, leaving him alone with his thoughts. As he placed his head back into the cool leather of his office chair he could hear the rain pelt against the office windows. Those windows where Donna had reached out to him the night that Jessica had left. Since that moment, once buried feelings had haunted his dreams; he had tried to rebury them. She deserved the very best in life, surely he would only let her down, like all the others; but damn she was Donna, and nobody else could ever compare. He sighed thinking, she was his Donna. Now she was haunting his waking moments too. Even Paula had seen through the facade.
He tried to refocus his mind. The wind and rain continued to pound outside. A storm was moving in; he sighed at the irony of it all ... a storm had been brewing for weeks with Paula and tonight it had finally culminated in her arrival at the office to say she wanted out of their new found relationship. He should be upset but he wasn't. He should have denied her charges against him, but he couldn't. It was all true. Somewhere deep down, and perhaps even closer to the surface than he had realized, he had always known it to be so. It felt almost like he had been resigned to this outcome. Had known the relationship was a temporary solution, a distraction from a never ending problem. Donna.
Since Paula had left his office, Harvey had done nothing but pour himself a scotch and ruminate with her words running over and over again in his mind. "Oh my God, it all makes sense now, you are in love with her too". She had come by the office unexpectedly after a meeting with Louis. She had marched into Harvey's office and demanded to know the truth. Apparently Louis had somehow insinuated to Paula that Donna and he had shared a night together once. The old Harvey would have been outraged or at least have pretended to have been outraged by Louis even knowing such information. But that was then and this was now and he was tired of pretending. When she questioned him about it; his face had said everything his voice could not.
"Oh my God, how... how could I have not seen this? You never said Harvey, you never said you had slept together." Harvey looked to the window and back to Paula sighing "How does that change anything?". "It changes everything Harvey". "I knew Donna was in love with you but... you know, she came looking for you once to my office." Harvey looked at her in disbelief, almost hurt."You never said". Paula interrupted "it doesn't matter now. We're breaking up Harvey and this is still all about Donna. How can you not see, what everyone else around here appears to know already." Harvey's face fell and he gasped looking away once again to the window. Paula continued "I think Harvey Specter you are not being honest with yourself or Donna and you know it, deep down you bloody well know it ... " Paula waved her hand in the air "I knew I should never have started this with you. I'm sorry Harvey, it was the wrong call,I was your therapist, it should never have happened, I should have known better." She turned to leave but stopped mid step. "If I can give you one last piece of advice, if I can have something positive come from this; don't let her go Harvey. It seems the two of you are ruined for anybody else." He knew it, his face whitened and he pursed his lips together and swallowed, deep down he knew it all to be true. Paula continued "Harvey it was never going to work with me or anybody else for that matter, it's always been her, hasn't it? and I truly believe it always will be. With a weak smile Paula said "Goodbye Harvey, take care ... find some happiness" and with that she was gone.
Harvey knew Paula was right. It had always been there between Donna and him. They had tried to ignore it, don't mention it and the feelings go away. Put it out of our minds. It had always been the elephant in the room. They had rarely touched since that night, an unwritten rule between them; which had not alleviated the tension but had in fact heightened it. Over the years he had broken his promise to Donna and had secretly allowed himself to think about 'the other time' as Donna had referred to it as. But he was always able to put those memories safely back into their compartment in his mind. Of late that had become more difficult. Of late he had found himself not being able to put those memories away, perhaps not wanting to. Harvey rose from his chair, feeling restless and suddenly feeling the need to be close to Donna. He knew she had gone home early today. Perhaps she was out at the theater. Did she have a date. His mind raced again...
Harvey found himself in Donna's new office. He smiled at the bright and beautiful decor. He slowly rounded the desk and sat down in her office chair, sighing as he did so. There in front of him on her desk was a letter. 'For Harvey'. Slightly confused and startled he reached for it, opening it quickly. All of a sudden he sensed its importance and panic began to rise in his chest. In Donna's handwriting he read ...
'Dear Harvey, I didn't want to do this in person, we both know some things are better left unsaid, especially between us. The spoken word has only complicated things between us in the past. I am taking some extended leave and have cleared it with Louis. I know you won't mind. I also know that I said I have found my 'more' but the truth is, it was easier to say that in that moment. Maybe the 'more' I need and want is still to be discovered. There are some things I still need to figure out. Anyway I'm flying to Boston tonight to see an old friend. Take care Harvey, Love Donna
Harvey shook his head and felt the panic building within his chest. He had to find Donna, he had to tell her, explain how he felt, answer the question he had been too afraid to answer all those months ago, apologize to her and stop her from leaving... His mind raced as he dropped the letter on her desk and ran out of her office to try and finally set things right between them. He just hoped that he wasn't too late.
To be continued ...
