Not Again

Disclaimer: Sadly, they are not mine.

A/N: I liked Yellow Fever, but there was a distinct absence of feeling in it. Why wasn't Sam more freaked out by yet another deadline for his brother? I decided to take matters into my own hands. I hope you like it. All errors are mine as I'm too impatient to wait for my beta.

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The only cure for grief is action

G. H. Lewes

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Sam sat on the hood of the Impala waiting for Bobby to arrive. If anyone had been around to see him, he would have seemed relaxed and even enjoying the sunshine. But Sam was anything but relaxed. He had been at panic-level for hours and was closing in on frantic.

He'd called Bobby because he was out of ideas – and almost out of time. Again.

Sam knew he probably could have found the answer on his own; should have been able to find the answer on his own. But he couldn't keep an eye on Dean and do the research at the same time. Especially not when he was freaking out.

And he couldn't show Dean that fear. Not now. Not when some stupid ghost disease was coursing through him, causing him to be afraid of everything. So, Sam had struggled to be nonchalant and to even give Dean crap for being afraid even though it wasn't something Dean could control. And hell, at first it had been amusing. Really, who couldn't laugh at a grown man being afraid of a cat? A grown man who was used to going up against ghosts, vampires, demons and everything else that most people believed to be only stories no less.

But it stopped being funny and as he waited for Bobby, he couldn't think of anything other than losing his brother. Again. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't. Not again and not like this.

It hadn't been easy to call Bobby, but for Dean…. Sam had totally shut Bobby out after Dean died. At first it was out of pain and then….what? Had it been Ruby's influence or his own guilt?

Sam had known that Bobby wouldn't approve of him exploring his power, but did that mean he had to shut the man out completely? Bobby had done nothing but help them for as long as Sam could remember. Even after Bobby and John had that last falling out, Bobby didn't even hesitate when he and Dean showed up at his house asking for help after years of no contact.

Sam rubbed his face and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He wasn't going to fall apart. That wasn't his style. He was a Winchester, after all and besides that there was just never any time to collapse. There was always someone to help; someone to save.

Even after Dean died and was sent to Hell, Sam didn't give in to his mourning for very long. He gave himself a little time, but it wasn't long before he was trying to make deals and anything else he could think of to get his brother back. He was frenzied, running from place to place and following any shred of hope he found along the way.

He'd been at a breaking point and out of options when Ruby showed up. Sam was at the lowest point he'd ever been and she….

It didn't matter. That was over. Apparently God didn't want Sam to use his powers even if he could do something good with them. And this was no time to think about Ruby or the abilities he'd sworn never to use again. He had to focus on Dean.

Saving Dean.

Again.

He wasn't going to lose him so soon. Not now and not like this. Dean was not going to die afraid of his own shadow. Dean was a hero, he was brave. And Sam needed him.

Sam felt tears begin to burn his eyes as he heard the growl of Bobby's car. It wasn't quite as comforting as the sound of the Impala, but it still meant that help was almost there.

Sam wiped his face and slid off the hood, leaning against the car as if he didn't have a care in the world. He waved as Bobby got out of the car and when he spoke a moment later, Sam was glad there wasn't even the hint of a tremor in his voice.

He wouldn't lose Dean again.

Not again and not like this.

fin