NM. Everything that happens leading up to this scene is the same, from here it goes AU. So, this is Picking up from 'you don't want me', in the woods, to be exact. The 'break-up'.
"You…don't…want…me?"
"No."
"Well, that changes things." It was a surprise to her how calm she sounded.
"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way…time to change…tired of pretending..." she could hear him go on, but the words were barely registering. They all meant the same thing. He was going. Gone.
"Don't," her voice was just a shaky whisper, then it turned pleading, as she added, "Don't do this." He stared at her blankly and she couldn't look away. It was sheer fear that kept her conscious at all. Fear that when she blinked, he would already be gone.
"You're no good for me, Bella." That registered and the cool, easy way he told her. Anger, frustration, pain, hurt ripped through her all at once, shaking away the shock.
What did he expect me to say? See ya later, Edward. Thanks for all the memories, send me a postcard? And then he just stands there, waiting for a reply, probably gauging my breath and monitoring my heart-rate.
She just stared at him, dark thoughts leaked slowly into her mind, trickling into her heart. She could hardly breathe. The silence must have been too much because he added, "I would like to ask one favor, though, if it's not too much?"
She wondered what he had seen on her face to make him say that. For a moment his perfectly concealed mask slipped, but before she could really identify the look, he had composed his features again.
"What?" she asked hesitantly; untrusting. She knew his favors usually cost her and there was hardly anything left of her now.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, far from detached now. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Bella shook her head in confusion. How could she answer him? She supposed she had to be honest. It would hurt him more in the end if she wasn't.
"You can't leave me," she replied as an answer, still shaking her head.
"Bella," he called her name, as though chiding her. He gripped her shoulders to force her to stand still and look at him.
"We are leaving…tonight. You have nothing to worry about. We won't bother you ever again. It will be like we never existed. You can go on with your life without ever having to look over your shoulder; uninterrupted prosperity… But I won't leave until I know you are going to be alright. Please promise me—"
"We? Alice isn't coming back?" she asked, cutting in. She was surprised she could actually feel more pain. She felt dizzy and thought it was probably a good thing Edward was propping her up.
"No, we're all leaving. It's what's best for us. And it's what is best for you. I know you don't believe me now, but you will get over this. You'll move on and be happy again, Bella. You have such a long and wonderful life ahead of you. The pain will fade. It always does for your kind."
She laughed a hallow laugh and found it hard to catch her breath again. She had suddenly gone into hysterics. "Haven't you realized by now I'm not like most of 'my kind'?" She asked, outrageously. "You can't tell me how I feel, Edward. You really never saw how much hold you have over me. I will never get over you. I will never get passed this. It's not in my being."
"Bella, don't be absurd," he tried to sound annoyed, but inside he was coming apart at the seams. "I know this feels like the end of the world, but you're not the first to feel that way. You will be fine without me. Please, let me go."
He took a few steps back and leaned against a tree with ease. She knew it was the right thing to do, to say goodbye; to let him be free. But she couldn't let go. She knew it would be the death of her in the end, which would be worse on him, right? He always carried everything on his shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Edward," she began, crying, but she couldn't find the words.
"What are you thinking?" he asked, frustrated.
"I'm afraid to tell you."
"Why?"
"Because, no matter what I say, it will hurt you."
This small, half whispered phrase alerted him and he could hardly contain himself in that same spot.
"…If you leave me, I won't be okay. I won't…" she trailed off, looking away for a moment, "…survive it."
"Don't do this to yourself, Bella. I know you feel that way, and you think you're in love, but—"
"No, don't you do that! Don't pretend like I'm acting like a foolish school girl with a crush. You should have thought about this…when you pursued me, for whatever reason; fascination or curiosity, or whatever it was that made you get involved with me, even for a small instant of your perfect existence. You had to realize I didn't stand a chance. The moment I saw you, my fate was already sealed to love you!" she yelled, catching her breath. She pushed off a branch and took a step closer, defying him. "…But don't you see?" she asked, unforgiving, her eyes gleaming with tears. "…This is the price, Edward... the price for loving you."
It was nearly impossible for him, to stand there and not hold her. He couldn't bare the look in her eyes. He had to stay calm and reassure her. He had to make her see reason.
"I shouldn't have been so hasty with your heart," he agreed, easing into his speech. "but one day, hopefully, you will look back and just feel content about the time we had together. People come in and out of our lives every day, and most of them don't stay for very long. But it's the things we take away with us, how they change us that we have to remember and cherish. I will always be grateful for what you have done for me."
"Is it really that terrible that you can't stay with me, just a little while longer?"
"What is the use of putting off the inevitable? It's better if we carry on with our lives as soon as possible. The longer we go on…pretending…the more time we both waste. In the end, you'll only end up regretting it. We just need a clean break."
A clean break. "No, Edward. I won't."
"I wish you would just believe me for once. I've been around a long time. I know how things work, how the heart operates and its okay to move on. It's good. You'll see," he said, trying to smile.
"No, Edward. I won't," she said again with more force and then softened her tone. " I meant what I said before…I won't survive this," she repeated hoping he would catch her meaning that time.
He reached for her and held her, forcefully to him, before she had even finished her thought.
"No," the word was harsh and frantic. "Think about Charlie and Rene; your family. You could never hurt them. You could never do that to Alice. She still cares deeply for you. And, me, Bella, I know I can't love you how you need, but hurting yourself? You could never do that to me. You must exist in this world, Bella. You must." He was yelling at her, in his sweet velvety tone, and she closed her eyes to the sound, breathing him in, her heart beating out of her chest at the intensity of the moment. That was when she felt herself come apart. She heard an awful tearing sound and then after a long moment realized the ripping sound was coming from herself. She was sobbing, uncontrollably, fighting for oxygen, as Edward held her tight. His embrace only made her more anxious. She was convinced the moment he let go he would disappear forever.
"I don't see an alternative," she finally spoke when she caught her breath, wiping the drying tears away. " I know its wretched. That I'm a horrible person for being capable of even the thought, but I cannot physically go on…without you. The only thing keeping me from crumbling to pieces right now is the hope that…you might stay. Renee has Phil and Charlie has lived without me before. I know I would hurt them, but they would be okay. I have to believe that. I know I'm awful. I'm not making excuses for myself...The truth is I was suppose to be dead last year, many times over now I think. The way I figure it I would just be setting things right," She looked at him, trying to collect all her remaining strength. "I'm not saying I won't try my best, but I'm just trying to be honest. I may not be strong enough and I'm sorry for that. You have no idea how sorry I am about that...But...if you..." she tried, shying from her thought. "...I need you to stay. I'm asking you to stay."
"You don't need me, Bella. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for."
She hesitated, wishing she could believe him. "Stay with me…not forever," she cut in quickly. She was talking in a rush; the words just poring out now, unable to control them.
"If you walk away today, trust me, I'll be dead by morning. I'm not saying that to try and guilt you into sticking around, trust me, if I thought you would walk away and never once look back, not even a thousand years from now, I would have just nodded my head earlier and told you I would be fine, but I know you," she paused and caught her breath.
"You would find out, eventually, whether it be a week from now, a year or a century…All I am asking for is for you to stay a year...or so, just till graduation. Stay here in Forks, near me, and in return I can promise you something."
"What?" he couldn't help but ask, hiding his desperation.
"If you give into my completely selfish and practically criminal request, then I promise I will let go of you, when the time comes. I will move on and never, ever hurt myself. I may not be strong enough to do it now, but knowing there is a time limit will help ease myself into the idea of existing without you."
"Bella—" he began, but she begged him with her eyes to let her continue.
"I know it's wrong of me to keep you here, but one more school year isn't the worst thing ever. One day you will hardly remember it. But I know you Edward. I know you would rather suffer one boring, idiotic school year here, than suffer a whole existence blaming yourself for some silly pathetic little girl's death. It would be agony to think you felt responsible for my actions, so please, do this to spare your own torture which if I could I would spare. I wish I was strong enough to go on, just for the sake of your peace of mind, but you're right I'm weak. I'm a weak fragile little human, who can't go on if it means never seeing you again."
"If I stay here with you till graduation, you promise to let go and move on?"
"Yes. And you don't have to pretend to be in love with me or anything. No staying with me at night or calling me your girlfriend. You don't even have to touch me. Your nights are free to do as you please, again. As long as you're here. I just need to see you, be around you, talk once in a while. I'm sure the year will fly by soon enough. Just give me a little bit of time…and promise me you won't leave without at least saying goodbye," she asked, nodding her head.
"Okay, Bella. I'll stay…until graduation as long as you make an effort to move on. But if my existence here turns out to be worse for you, then I'll have to leave, agreed?"
"Agreed," she said holding out her hand and shaking his. She tried to pull back as soon as she was able to, to show she had some restraint.
"There is one more thing, if I am staying, he said calmly. "I meant what I said; you have to make an effort to move on. Go on dates, kiss, try and fall in love again…are you sure you can handle that if I'm still around?"
"Just allow me two month to get back and then I'll do as you ask, but don't expect miracles. You can't make me fall out of love with you."
"I just need you to be open to the idea of finding it again. I need you to be happy, Bella," he told her, looking at wearily, as she bite her lip, nervously. "What is it?"
"I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you'll change your mind and vanish."
"I made you a promise and you're right. I could never live with myself if something were to happen to you. You can't allow yourself to think like that, anymore, do you hear me?"
Bella nodded her head, stepping forward, trying to find her footing once again. Her feet were weak and nearly numb, which made walking somewhat difficult.
"Let me get you back," he said pulling her along with him, his arm around her waist. She leaned into him, feeling perfectly safe. Graduation was far, far away and Edward was not leaving, not today. She leaned her head onto his chest, suddenly overcome by exhaustion. She realized she was falling asleep as he suddenly picked her up and cradled her in his arms as they reached the house. She fought slightly to stay awake, but he soothed her with reassurances and she drifted in and out as she felt her blankets come up around her.
She was exhausted but didn't want to say goodnight just yet. She didn't know if he would leave her alone that night. She said the first thing that popped into her head, the sleepiness making it come out in a mumbled mash.
"What do we do about tomorrow? Should we say we split up amicably? No one is going to believe it that though. They will clearly think you got tired of me," she tried to laugh, but then her jaw tightened at how true her statement truly was. He seemed to sense her pain, brushing her hair away from her forehead and he shifted on her bed.
"Let's tell them you called it quits…you just wanted to be friends. That way people will think you're ready to move on like we planned."
"No one is going to believe that, but fine. I said I would try and I will. Either way, it won't be the worst day ever, not now," she snorted, finally dozing off. Not now that you're staying.
"You never did see yourself clearly, Bella," she thought she heard him murmur as darkness took over.
Hey guys! So this is a one-shot I think, but if you'd like I would totally be willing to continue. Please review, I love to hear what people think, and tell me if I should keep going, thanks!
