Disclaimer: KuroBasu does not belong to me.
The Emotions List
1. Birth
His birth might have been written in stars and thought of as something special – he was a king in his own way. But for him, for the golden sun that shined so brightly, Kuroko was the reason for his birth, his reason for living.
2. Enthusiasm
Ryouta's happiness and energy was contagious, Kuroko concluded. All that enthusiasm that seemed to overflow from the blond was slowly taking over Kuroko too, making it impossible for the bluenette to say no to another ride.
3. Love
His love was soothing, careful and hard to grasp but surely there, just like Kuroko himself.
4. Hate
No one thought it possible that the love that was between the two could turn into this ugly hate, so powerful and consuming that it destroyed everything in its way. The two that one had loved so purely now hated so strongly that it was impossible to go back to what once was.
5. Triumph
Kise stood in the middle of that battlefield, a sword covered in blood and cracked grasped in his right hand, the flag of his opponent's house in his other and a smile on his lips. He had won, fought the battle till the end and claimed his rightful place. But the most important thing - his love would now be free and in his arms again. His Kuroko will be returned.
6. Feel
To be able to feel those muscles flex under his fingertips, the sweat that broke out on Kise's skin, the blond to move against him, inside him, to have that hot breath ghost over his skin and those fingers worship his body as sacred… Kuroko had never felt so grateful to being able to feel, because this, this was everything he had ever wanted.
7. Wrecked
It was like his heart had been torn out. He felt dead even though he was the one who survived. Without Ryouta he couldn't find a meaning to live. Without Ryouta Kuroko was nothing but an empty shell.
8. Soft
Kise could never stop marveling over how soft Kuroko's hair was. Every morning he had the task of fixing his boyfriend's bed hair, so every morning he could marvel the softness over and over again.
9. Cold
Lying alone on the big bed was something Kuroko did not enjoy doing. He missed the closeness of Kise, the feeling of Kise's fingers in his hair, the soft whispers in his ear and he was cold. The blankets couldn't give him the same warmth that Kise gave him.
10. Without
"Kurokocchi, I can't go to London! I want to be with you! I don't want to be without you on Christmas!" Kise whined while sitting on the couch, next to his lover. He tried to look like a kicked puppy, but it didn't seem to work on Kuroko.
The bluenette sighed lightly and patted the blond on the head, "I will be going with you, Ryouta. So stop whining now."
11. Inspiration
Kuroko was an author and every author needed a muse of sorts, something or someone that would make his imagination sore and fly to places unknown. Kuroko had one – a muse. The blond male that worked at the flower shop across the café that he frequented, a ball of energy and sunny smiles. Kuroko didn't know him, not even as much as the man's name, but that man was his muse, his inspiration to create.
12. You
"I love you, love you so much that it is impossible to love even more. You make me happy, fulfilled and warm inside. Your smile is enough to make my whole day better; your presence alone reassures me that I am not dreaming. So Tetsuya, please marry me?" Kise kneeled in front of his lover, a box with a ring in his hand and eyes shining with sincerity.
13. Confused
Was it really love that he felt? Maybe it was just adoration; he was just a shadow in Kuroko's eyes – Aomine and Kagami's shadow. He could, might as well, be a replacement for something that Kuroko could never have again, was denied of having. These confusions just kept taking over and Kise wasn't sure if they were still just silly assumptions.
14. Affection
It hadn't been that hard to gain Kuroko's affections – they had been there for the whole time; Kise just had to notice them.
15. Joy
Joy, for Kise, was to wake up next to Kuroko, a little earlier than the other and watch him sleep, clinging to Kise's arm and mumbling his name.
16. Horror
Seeing him falling, eyes wide and arms outstretched, as if he was trying to fly, only to find his wings broken, was something that Kise couldn't scratch out of his memory no matter how hard he tried. That day he lost his heart and the memory would forever haunt him.
17. Acceptance
If Kuroko could accept the fact that Kise would never truly be his alone, that he had his responsibilities as the only child of the wealthy family, someone who needed to make an heir, then Kise will learn to accept letting Kuroko go.
18. Sympathy
No matter how much Kuroko wanted to, he couldn't find it in himself to feel sympathy for the man by his feet. He had betrayed him, done something that could not be undone, he had killed Kise, his Kise and for that there was only one punishment - death.
19. Holding
They stood at the edge of the world, holding hands and looking at the vastness before them - void of anything. It was a world that belonged only to them two, something that was worth holding on to.
20. Defeated
Kise slumped on the court; the basketball landed on the floor next to him and slowly rolled away, his opponent laughing in the background. So this was how defeat felt like. So this was how it felt to be the one losing.
A hand was places on Kise's shoulder and Kuroko's quiet voice reached his ears, "Kise-kun, this isn't a defeat. It's a push to getting stronger."
21. Pride
He wouldn't back down from this fight with Kise. He wouldn't yield and agree and simply do as he was told – this wasn't something as simple as that. It was true that he was not as strong and fast as the other, but Kuroko had a pride he didn't want to lose, a purpose for which he fought and Kise would have to accept it one day, so it might as well be now.
22. Knife
The blond looked at his hands, the knife that was now lying on the floor and then at the body on the bed. If Kuroko couldn't be his, then no one could have him, is what Kise had said before placing the cold metal against his loved one's throat and dying everything red.
23. Overwhelmed
His toes curled, fingers grasped on the sheets under him and mouth was opened in a silent scream that refused to come out. It was overwhelming – this feeling. It was like nothing that Kuroko had felt before, nothing he had dreamed of. But what made it all the better was Kise hugging him afterwards and mumbling sweet nothings into his ear.
24. Depressed
It was unusual to see Kise slumped against the wall and not playing as he was supposed to, the look of a kicked puppy on his face. Moriyama glanced at the dejected blond and then at Kasamatsu, "What did he do this time?"
"It's not what he did." The captain answered back, shooting a ball through the hoop, "Kuroko turned down a date and no he's sulking."
25. Adoration
Being able to support others without standing out, his strength and skill and determination to win no matter what, even his stubbornness and the peculiar sense of humor – those were only few of all the things that Kise adored Kuroko for.
26. Worship
If Kise could, he would build a shrine in Kuroko's name and even make his own religion in his boyfriend's name. Luckily, Akashi had forbidden that long ago.
27. Zeal
Kise watched the second match between Seirin and Touou; he saw the zeal that fueled Kuroko, just what he was ready to do for Aomine. Kise wished, longed,to be in Aomine's place, to be by Kuroko, to be the target of that burning in Kuroko's eyes.
28. Light
The moment his eyes landed on the person he liked his face would light-up, shine and a smile would settle on his lips. He would run up to the person and start with a simple 'hello' and then continue with retelling what he had done. Kurokocchi is my light, Kise would say as he finishes and there is a small chuckle from his partner.
I could say the same about Kise-kun, is given as an answer.
29. Exhaustion
With the mach over and done, the adrenalin of winning finally out of their system and the tiredness settled instead of it, is when they finally leave the stadium, each heading home to get some well deserved rest. Kuroko stays back for a bit – he's forgotten something in the locker room, but no one trusts his words. And true to that, instead of getting what he had never forgotten he slumps into Kise's waiting arms the moment he sees him and falls asleep in seconds, the exhaustion finally taking over him.
30. Obsession
Yes, he was obsessed; Kuroko was more than willing to admit it when asked. He had carefully kept every picture and interview that features Kise, even the magazine cover pages and stalker photos from the internet.
31. Rage
"Just because you're friends it doesn't mean that you can do this, Aominecchi!" Kise's voice is firm, quiet and pulsating with rage he had never felt before, "Just because you are his best friend doesn't mean you can make Kurokocchi, my Kurokocchi do these things." He throws the pictures in front of Aomine's feet and doesn't hold back anymore.
32. Empty
Before Kise his life had been empty, void of any pleasant feelings and memories, only scars of previous relationships and mistakes were left before Kise came and replaced them with something much better.
33. Anger
It wasn't entirely Kise-kun's fault, Kuroko tried to reason with himself, he was to blame for leaving the model alone with the kids in the first place. Still, that didn't mean that he wasn't just a little bit angry to find the small classroom turned into a battle field.
34. Fury
He was a god, someone that stood above the foolish mortals and their stupid rules and morals – he was the god of gods. Kise was the strongest and yet he was in love with a human, so mindlessly in love, so addicted. Kise never got angry, no matter what another god had done, no matter what kind of foolishness a mortal had made, but when his lover was touched like that, called names and ridiculed did his fury know no mercy and destroyed everyone and everything.
He was a god, god of gods and he was in love with a human.
35. Delight
It was because of Kise's eyes. Everything was because of the way Kise's eyes narrowed slightly, and emotions, usually carefully hidden, shadowed in his look. It was that look, the one that he made when he was on top of Kuroko and moving against him. And then, when those sharp eyes noticed what the look had done to Kuroko, delight shone in them before lust took over.
36. Submission
Kuroko was everything but submissive. He would never yield and listen to what he was ordered to do, even if his status of a private knight demanded for him to do so. He would only act as he saw fit, doing as he wanted. But his new master, the blond prince that was to be a king soon, was an enigma in Kuroko's eyes. For reasons unknown to Kuroko, every word that Kise said, every order he would listen to and obey. He was willing to be submissive and act like a dog, if only it brought a smile to the prince's face.
37. Infatuation
Just one look, just one light touch, just the simplest sound of his voice, just the thought of being able to see him soon was enough for the male to get nervous and flushed and desperately wanting more and now and sooner. He was head over heels in love, but Kuroko didn't mind.
38. Anticipation
Kuroko tried to concentrate on the news show that was being aired right now, but his eyes kept on glancing at either the clock or the door, waiting for the click of the lock and the familiar 'I'm home'.
39. Pessimistic
"So… it just will end like this? Just because Aominecchi was the first to find you and then Kagamicchi showed up… I couldn't help you at all, Kurokocchi, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I won't tell you what I came to tell you, because you have already chosen, haven't you?"
A warm hand was placed on Kise's trembling shoulder and then Kuroko said, "Kise-kun, tell me what you wanted to tell first, listen to my answer and then decide whether to cry or not, ok?"
40. Jolly
Kise kept quiet that he knew what Kuroko did when he was alone on those mornings that Kise had to leave for work but he was free. He silently adored Kuroko for what he was doing – singing jolly songs while washing the dishes, sometimes even using a spoon as a microphone – and was planning to secretly spy on him for as long as he could do so.
41. Grasping
He wouldn't share, no. All of Kuroko was now his; finally he had everything that he had wanted for so long. Kise wouldn't share and those who touched with no permission… well… only they were to be blamed.
42. Agitation
It happens so fast – one moment Kuroko is passing the ball to Aomine and the other he is lying on the floor, bleeding lightly from his head. Aomine is by Kuroko in moments but it's Kise who turns cold eyes to Haizaki and punches him in the face, no longer caring about the consequences.
43. Calm
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breath out. Calm down, relax, even your breathing, be calm. He repeats those words like a mantra, gaining control over himself once again. Only then does Kise open his eyes and look at the boy laughing quietly before him.
To think that he would get like this just from one kiss - embarrassing. But the calm and level-headed one in this relationship is Kuroko, so Kise thinks that it's ok to lose one's cool like this.
44. Astonished
He was in something like a state of shock, probably - Kuroko still hadn't decided. All he knew was that Kise was here just a few moments ago, blabbering about maids and uniforms and Kuroko and borrowing and then Coach had chased him out, yelling 'No coslplay and role-playing until we win the next match'.
45. Loneliness
Loneliness wasn't when he was alone; loneliness was when Kise wasn't next to him.
46. Lust
Kuroko sometimes thought about his choices, whether he had made the right one and will he be truly happy together with Kise. But then he would remember the sparkle of lust, directed only towards him and no one else, while they were trying to make room in the small janitor's closet and kissing frantically.
47. Longing
The sound of his voice, the touch of his fingers, his skin and hair, the shine of his eyes and the simple feeling of him being near – they were a part of a longing that couldn't be expressed by words.
48. Tender
Kuroko's tenderness was only shown behind closed doors, while they were the only two present. He, just like everything that he did, didn't express it with words; he used graceful movements and soft touches.
49. Hard
Being in love and not being loved back – it was the hardest burden in Kuroko's life. A simple bookstore clerk would never win the attention and heart of someone as dazzling as a model. He knew and yet he hoped - inside his dreams where everything was possible.
50. Rebirth
"Kurokocchi! I died again, revive me, please?" Kise sulked, the laptop in front of him flashing with the words 'you have died'.
Kuroko sighed and made his character walk away, leaving the dead swordsman behind, "No. It drains too much mana."
A/N: This took me a thousand years to write. I wonder how long will the second part take me? And I fell in love with the idea of Kise being a king/knight and Kuroko being his lovely damsel/knight. And then there is my flower shop owner!Kise and author!Kuroko fantasy… Kufufufufu.
Ayingott out.
