My name is Thomas Gregory, and today is the day I die.
I was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. By the time the doctors had caught it, It had already developed to the point that I had little chance of surviving. We had began treatment immediately, undergoing chemotherapy and volunteering for experimental treatments as they presented themselves. It was of course a major change for my family and I, my entire perspective and feelings about life completely changed. How does one handle with the fact that they will most likely have to come to terms with their death? For me, it was a lot of distractions and taking everything one step at a time. Anything that I could do to face it as little as possible. As hard as that was, there were some days that I couldn't do anything else but think about it. Thoughts of how I wouldn't be here much longer, of everything ending. I wasn't religious so I didn't exactly have the most positive view of my fate. I'm only nineteen, and I'm going to die... I often thought to myself. Nineteen and dying, I couldn't fully believe it for so long. I had aspirations, goals, places I wanted to go and things to experience. I had dreams I wanted to fulfill someday.
But as treatments went on and the outlook seem to worsen, I felt like I wasn't going to do any of that. Honestly at times, I think my family took it harder than I did. My mom, dad, and little sister —they had began treating me differently ever since the news broke. They were trying to be as comforting as possible, being nice and sensitive about everything. But as much as I liked the positive attention, I hated it even more. I remember sitting at the dinner table one night, my parents barely even registered in our conversation about how I was slipping on some school work. My sister wasn't even kicking my legs under the table, she's been trying her best to not bother or annoy me. All of them were distant about everything I didn't want them to be, like I mentioned before it was nice at first to have some room, I was becoming sick of it. I had slammed my fists on the table and angrily yelled at them to stop treating me like this. I didn't want them to treat me differently, I wanted my parents to be harder on me, I wanted my sister to still annoy and bug the crap out of me… I wanted... to be normal.
They stared at me for what felt like forever before tears began to slip down their cheeks to match my own. My mother reached out with her hand to gently grasp mine, and my sister moved one of her feet to press against my leg softly. My father on the other end of the table reached out his hand for my mom and little sister. They whispered okay, then we've tried to continue on as we normally might have since. It wasn't the same, but it was close. Now my sister still bugs and complains about me. I think it helped her deal with it somewhat being able to treat me the same as she had always done. Yes, she was a brat sometimes, but we still loved each other, the way siblings do. Love and annoyance is what our family sometimes says is the thing that makes family what it is.
I only had a few friends that I could call close. Sure some from school would show up at the hospital when I was checked in to show support, but only a few were really affected by it all. To most I was just another kid who, unfortunately, was going to probably die. To them I was just another of those kids you hear about in car accidents. It's awful and you feel horrible that it happened, but it goes away and doesn't faze you much. They're not emotionally connected to you or anything.
The first time I saw it was another evening at the hospital. I was flipping through channels, my new favorite pass time when i didn't have a book to read. Completely bored and feeling depressed about my life, I came across the show, 'My Little Pony'. My first thought was, th'hell is this shit? I only had watched a few seconds before I quickly figured out it was cartoon for little kids. I remember my older cousin had talked about something similar when she was growing up. Seriously? These days they will remake anything. I forgot about it the moment I continued to flip through the channels.
As my time in the hospital passed, I started to know more than I ever wanted to about when each show was on. When the kid shows were, the soap operas, and when what I wanted to watch was on. It was during the kid's time that I found myself flipping through channels mindlessly again when the pony show came on.
Having watched everything else at the same time slot more than I would ever admit, and coupled with the fact I wasn't able to stand them anymore, I decided to give this it a go.
"Maybe I can chalk up me dieing to watching this shows like this. Thomas Gregory, loved teenager who died from watching too many little kid shows," I remember saying aloud with a laugh. Put that shit on my tombstone.
With a sigh I watched a couple episodes, they had them back to back for some kind of marathon. But watching it, I soon understood that it was a little bit better than the other kid shows at the time. Decent voice actors, good animation -something that sorely lacked in other western cartoons- and overall well put together. It really wasn't as bad as I thought, but I immediately changed to some something else when I heard my friends voices coming down the hall to visit me.
More time passed and I had a couple weeks left in the hospital before I was cleared to go home again for awhile. I wouldn't be able to stay long, but I still couldn't wait to get home and get on acting as if things were normal. During those few weeks before I did go back home, I found myself watching My Little Pony when it was on. The show just kinda... grew on me. I started getting interested in it. When I laid in bed at night unable to fall asleep, I would let my mind wander as I spaced out. If I wasn't imagining something I normally had a hard time falling asleep. It was then I found myself thinking more about the show.
Probably analyzing more than I should have, I let my thoughts and feelings nitpick it. It was a show about...well, what my life wasn't right now. Yes Twilight had her world turn upside down being sent to Ponyville, but hers was going amazing with happiness, love, friendship, and just everything else that was good. While mine however wasn't. I mean my friends are great and my family amazing, especially during these times. But to have friends that close to you, that care about you so much, who are that involved in your life to help and support you... I had to say, I was kinda jealous of a cartoon pony from a little girls show.
By the time I got out of the hospital for my visit home, I was already a little hooked on it. It brought me a few moments of happiness and optimism on my more frequently becoming depressed days. When I got home, there was of course a welcome back party. You know you're slightly addicted to something when you think about it in normal life. I felt embarrassed internally when I correlated it with something Pinkie Pie would do. Yes I like the show but come on brain, I don't need to see connections or references in real life.
Everyone was happy to have me home for awhile again. But even in hesitation of my earlier thoughts, I found myself searching for My Little Pony episodes to watch on my computer during my spare time when I was left alone in the house. I quickly found out what bronies were from the YouTube comments. I couldn't believe this many people, adult people, liked this show. Another wave of embarrassed washed over me at my realization I was beginning to like it more than other shows too. That feeling you get when you like something but feel like you shouldn't. I don't know how many times I would glance over my shoulder with paranoia even though I was home alone. Just the thought of someone catching my fascination with it bothered me greatly. But soon enough, it felt kinda good to be apart of the quickly growing phenomenon on the internet. I began officially calling myself a brony halfway through Season 1 when I managed to start watching them in order.
My treatments went on, and I continued to watch new episodes as they came out after I had caught up. I was eventually told that there was nothing more the doctors could do, and they gave me a time frame that I was likely to pass away. The news hit everyone hard. A very real fact now unable to remain as a distant thought or possibility. It was real, and it was going to happen.
My family would break down at times when couldn't handle it anymore. At random moments my parents would just begin sobbing and hold me tight. I on the other hand, couldn't even decide how I felt about it. What are you supposed to feel when you're told you're gonna die? The seven stages of depression or whatever they were called? I was still young and now officially I wasn't gonna live any longer. I couldn't decide whether to react with anger or sorrow. Unable to figure out how to handle it, I decided I'll would just try to ignore it like I had been doing, and continue to distract myself with what little time I had. Enjoy my remaining time, my family, my friends, and whatever else made me happy while I could. And that show did one hell of a job of distracting me and making me feel better when I watched it.
Watching it, I would forget about my own little existence and just let the love and happiness from it fill me up. I wasn't too much of an emotional person but being close to death, you start to act differently than you normally would. I would just absorbed as much as I could from the show, letting any good feelings I could get help push away darker thoughts and emotions. I kinda felt a... spark within me whenever I watched it. This hard to describe sensation in my chest that filled me up.
Eventually my friends and family caught on that I liked the show. They didn't know what to say, but I'm sure they just thought it was my way of coping and let me indulge without any criticism. Surprisingly one of my friends turned out to be a brony too. He and I got my little sister to watch it with us as well. It was only a few episodes before she started calling herself a brony.
All three of us would get together to watch new episodes when they came out, whether at our houses or in my hospital room, we would spent lots of time laughing and talking about them. I think it definitely helped my sister forget about her big brother's situation. I'm sure she liked the show, but it was probably more of being able to connect and spend time with me while she could. I always hated seeing her cry, I wanted to remember her smile while I could.
Most of my days after the news I would just lie in bed, trying to hold on as long as I could. How do you even do that with cancer? The will to fight? Being a stubborn determined hard ass? I didn't even know why I was trying to make myself live longer. Why not just get it over with? I always loathed dragging things on, even if it was my own death I would think to myself morbidly. I would reason it was because I wanted to keep away the pain of death from my family as long as possible. I didn't want to make it worse for them than I had already been doing. Watching them suffer as my condition worsened over time, I could tell it ate them up inside being able to do nothing more.
Looking for reasons to live, I laughed at the idea of trying to make it through all of season three of My Little Pony. It was a stupid goal, but I figured when you're this close to death anything will do. And so every weekend, my little sister and friend would come over to watch it with me as I got weaker. The doctors eventually started to say they shouldn't be in there in my state. They were worried how weak I was becoming and didn't want anything to aggravate it, but my family managed to convince them to give me that little liberty.
I was getting closer, I could feel it. I can't really describe it, it's just... knowing your time is about to end. But I did it, I managed to watch the season three finale. Honestly seeing Twilight become an Alicorn was a tough moment for me. Here I am having the last some years of my life be a constant spiral downward, while her's kept going higher and higher. I was happy for her, but how could I not feel envious and sad at the same time? Why was her life always getting better while mine became worse with each day?
Those kind of question ended quickly at the realization I was arguing and beating myself up over a little kids show. Death makes you weird. It's a show and needs a good story to sell, no point in having a midlife crisis over it. Another thing I won't have...
After the episode was over my friend was more bummed out about it than happy. He complained on how while he thought it was good for the storyline, it was rushed and poorly put together, and had way too many songs for one episode. He said something about how he couldn't wait to see how season four will pick it up and hopefully make it better. He froze however, at the realization of what he had said. After a few moments of awkward silence my sister began to cry. The thought that I wouldn't be able to watch it with them anymore, that I wouldn't be in her life soon suddenly came crashing back down. I just held her beside me as she balled her eyes out knowing this was the last new episode we would see together.
That night, I laid awake in bed thinking about the show. How could I describe my feelings towards it and what it gave me? My possible final hours and I'm thinking about ponies. Again, death makes you weird. But it was better than thinking about my own predicament. I felt happy, so happy that I did watch it, I don't know why I clinged to it so much. I suppose everyone holds out on some symbol, thought, or faith when they come to their end. It just left me with a feeling of joy and many other emotions when I thought about it. Like I could pretend that I was living a life like them. It inspired me to love everything that life could bring you. That it made you feel alive and you wanted to push on with hope knowing no matter what you can handle it even if all else had failed. That at least you could go on.
But I wasn't going to go on. A person can only push something aside for so long, and I had done it ever since this awful ordeal started. I cried more that night than I had in my entire life. Letting everything out in silent screams and balled fists into my pillow as I thrashed around in bed, unable to hold my walls against reality anymore. I had never been overwhelmed by feelings like that before. I felt so horrible, sad, and angry… more than I could take. And while I had been doing everything do not admit it the entire time… I was scared...
I don't know how long its been since I've seen the episode, my sense of time seemed to have dulled rapidly. I just keep running over and over the memories of my life in my mind like I had just done right now. Trying to think of every little thing, trying to latch onto something while I feel myself fade away. Again it's, not something you can describe. Its just... a fading away sensation. I'm aware of my family close by, crying over me on my last hour. I can feel my little sister grip my hand as tight as she possibly can, whispering through her tears to not have me taken away. That she'd give anything if I could stay here with her. My mom and dad are looking down at me, their faces wet with tears as well. They're not crying as much as my sister but I'm sure they are more torn on the inside than I could imagine. They kept saying that they were so, so happy to have had me in their life, and that their so proud of me and how sorry they were that this was happening. They almost took it as if it was entirely their fault. What else are you supposed to do when your child is dying and there's nothing you can do?
It's time, I thought dimly. This is it... I'm slipping away...
The last sounds I hear are the beeping machines beginning to slow down. A growing pause between each note becoming longer and longer. I hear my parents now fully crying aloud, unable to stop muttering loving words towards me between gasps of breath. My sister is screaming frantically at me to come back, to not go away and leave her alone. And the final sound I hear is my own heartbeat thumping faintly, becoming slower until eventually it to becomes quiet...
And then I slip away...
It's dark and cold. My body and mind feels sluggish and heavy, as if I was underwater. My consciousness is dim and beginning to dull more as the drifting sensation fills me.
Everything is black. I'm only slightly aware of how strange it is that darkness is all around me. Nothing can be seen, nothing can be heard, and nothing can be felt. The only thing I can faintly make out are my thoughts that are barely even registering the situation, and the slow falling sensation. Deeper and deeper I drift into this empty darkness I exist in.
After who knows how much time passed, the void seems begins to brighten slightly. A soft glow with a bluish color to encompass what my perception of down might be. Faintly I begin to make out a growing stretch of light, becoming larger the closer I drift towards it. It looks almost like an ocean...or the sky...
Its massive size dwarfs the darkness that I'm drifting out of, I couldn't even see it in full even if I turned my head in every direction. The expanse of soft blue light is more than overwhelming in size however, it's also comforting. I can't put my finger on it, but even in my numbed state I feel drawn towards it, that this is the thing that has been pulling my down. I don't know why or how but I feel like it is where I need to go, where I belong...
Drifting closer the urge to become apart of it grows stronger, as well as its pull on my body. Everything seems to fade away as it fills every part of my being, pushing my thoughts, my feelings, everything about me away. There's only the blue light before me, that's all I need right now. This is where I need will go, this is where I belong, I dimly think. Those are my last thoughts as my mind is washed away in the light as well as everything else. Of where I am, what's happening to me, and even my memories. Everything is becoming hazy and distant. It's hard to focus on anything but this soft blue light that opens toward me now wider than the sky or space. I accept its pull, and my fate to be with it.
But the moment succumb to its call, something shimmers near me.
Remembering that I have a head, I lazily turn towards my left at this new thing sensation. A sliver of white light seems to be poking out like a hole between a black void and blue light. Its light flickers faintly across me as if it's trying to pierce through the darkness. What...what is that? Another light? It feels...warm. The white light builds in strength as it starts to tear apart and spill into this very strange place.
I… I can remember what warm feels like, I think as it spills over me. My thoughts begin to come back to me, recalling who I am and what is currently happening. Startled, I become urgently aware that I had almost lost everything that I was. My memories flow back to me in force as my mind works in full gear to really comprehend what is happening to me. Oh god, where am I? What's going on?
But as much as I try to understand what is happening, everything about this place is beyond my grasp of reason. Behind me is the cold black void, before me is the numbing blue expanse, and to my left is a white light fighting to wash over me. Out of the three options, only one seemed like the right choice. The longer I focused at the white light, I can feel myself becoming 'whole' again. Unlike the tempting blue light below that tries to drain everything from me, and still is. Its pull begins to grow stronger and threatens to sink my thoughts once again in it's numbness. No, I forcibly think.
Pushing out, I will myself towards the light, and find that slowly I'm starting to move towards it. I'm not letting myself fall into that below me. I want to continue, I don't want to give up! I want to live, think, and feel!
With a new found strength I focus everything on reaching the one source of reason and sanity in this place. The only thing that seems to keep me as me. Blocking out the still tempting call to let go and sink further, I continue to pushing myself towards the white light. My mind pauses at the thought of what will happen once I reach it, or where it might lead to if it even goes anywhere. NO! I don't care what's on the other side, as long I reach it and gets me out of here!
The pull from below continues to grows stronger the closer I get, trying to bring me back towards it. My whole being is filled with pressure and strain from the strength of the blue expanse, and my efforts to continuing moving towards the white light. It feels like I'm tearing myself apart into two pieces. But I keep myself moving, pushing as hard I can. Until finally I am close enough. Desperately reaching out with a hand to touch it, only Inches away, I let loose a soundless scream and thrust with everything I have towards it. The moment I come into contact, the white speck it explodes, filling everything around me with it's light. And then everything stops.
I could only feel a… release inside me. Followed by the sensation of flowing as I pass through what feels like an impossibly small passageway. I pass through the light faster and faster, spilling between invisible cracks and corners. Until I come to an end, and blackness envelops me once more.
Suddenly I am aware I'm coughing, that I'm gasping for breaths. Oh god...I'm...breathing. I can breath! With each intake of air into my lungs, my head pulsing violently. My heart... is beating! I attempt to figure out what else of me is here. But a dull ringing fills my ears, and I still can't see anything. Aware that I can feel my eyes once more, I start blinking them. I can only see a white light like before but slowly, I begin to make out dark shapes and patterns within it. In reaction I try to move towards them but instead fall down. The sensation of gravity returns me while I slowly become aware of myself again. I could make out feeling of my body hitting the floor, but everything else is still numb.
Struggling, I try to stand up. To figure where I am and what's happening now. But my numb legs give out below me again, refusing to work as I command them. Hearing in my skull more than my ears, I grunt and again try to bring myself up. But once more I fall back to the ground. Why can't I stand up? The ringing starts to fade away and I am finally able to make out the sounds of my gasping breaths. That's when I hear the voice.
"You're okay," a females voice calls out. Turning my head in the direction it's coming from, I squint to make out who it is as she repeats again comfortingly, "You're safe, just take it slow. Easy now."
Still blinking, I start to make out a dark shape of someone in front of me. My breathing finally slowing down and becoming even as I try figure out who it is. After a few moments I whisper weakly, "Mom?"
The ringing is almost gone now. Only a few seconds more of focusing my eyes and other senses before everything becomes clear, and I finally see who is standing in front of me.
This can't be real...it really can't. Is that…?
"Twilight…?" I quietly mumble.
The purple mare smiles back at my question. "Yes, I am Twilight."
"But... but... how, what?!" I incoherently babble. In reflex my head turns every which way to understand my now clear surroundings. I'm inside a hall of stained glass windows and pillars, immediately recognizable as the same one in Canterlot from the show. Everything was how I remembered it, I was in the great hall of Celestia's throne room.
I can't believe it, I'm here… this place is real?
Turning my head all around, I can see everything inch of the massive room. The drapes decorative in color lining the stone walls. The stain glass from the windows, with sunlight pouring through them in dazzling colors. Following their tall shapes up I turn my gaze to the ceiling. A dizzying sensation overcomes me at the sight of how tall the room was. Beginning to feel sick, I let my eyes drift down, following one of the many white marble columns that held the ceiling in place. All in all, from the decorative pieces, to the architecture, and the intricate windows, I could help but think it was beautiful.
My awe of the great room vanishes quickly as I suddenly remembered I was not alone. Hesitantly I turned my head back to her. Pushing everything else in the room out of my mind, I focus solely on the figure before me, studying every little detail of her. It only took a moment of staring before my heart skipped a beat as I realized something about her.
No, not Twilight. Princess Twilight! An Alicorn!
Except she wasn't like how I remembered her in the show, she looked older and taller than she had appeared. Her form was almost exactly how Princess Celestia was built. My heartbeat came back and started to quicken. I was becoming overwhelmed by the feelings of confusion and panic. In response I tried to stand up again. Before in the void I had the feeling and urge to fight, but now I can't help but be overwhelmed by anxiety and fear. Move, run, anything! But I kept falling down. Without the light to block my eyes I finally snap my attention towards my legs as to why I couldn't stand. The moment I do however, I almost immediately regret. My heart stopped dead for a moment before breaking out in panic at realization of why I couldn't stand.
I...I don't have arms. I have...horse legs. No, pony legs! Oh my god... I'm a… a pony!"
"W-what's going on, what is this?! What's happening to me?!" I shout on the verge of hyperventilating. My limbs are twitching from trying to push them away from me like a foreign object. My thoughts keep going to flexing my hands and fingers, but nothing happens at the end of my new hooves. My body doesn't respond to how I normally would move, and every movement I make causes me to flinch as I discover how to move my new limbs. The sensations they give and the commands I have to give them feels alien. Nothing is making sense, and my mind can't accept what is happening.
Before I scream in panic, Twilight softly speaks to me. "Shhhh, its alright. Its okay. Look at me. Its going to be okay." Still lost in my panic, she speaks a little louder in a commanding tone, "Look at me."
Following her voice, it takes all my effort to focus to not freak out further and instead stare up into her eyes. A a wave of calm flows over me as I look into them, a sense of peace and calm radiates from them. My breath and heartbeat starts to lower and even out as I continue to stare at her, transfixed by her gaze.
"What is your name?" she asks quietly.
"M-My name..." I stutter trying to bring the words out. "My name is...Thomas. Thomas Gregory."
"Hello Thomas," she replied with a smile.
Seeing her smile brought some anchor to my mind as it whirled around trying to figure out the situation I was in. After taking a few deep breaths and gulping I ask, "What's...going on? What's happening to me?"
She smiles and kneels down in front me. "Presently, more than what can be understood. And I assure you, you will be fine. But right now, you need to remain calm. You won't be able to handle any of this right now if you rush. Relax your mind and open your heart."
Everything still feels like I'm going to be overwhelmed by all that is happening, that I'm going to break apart. But her voice and reassuring eyes that continued to stare at me intently drives it away like a bad nightmare. Her gaze never left me once, providing me a silent support and place to focus on.
I...I will calm down. Come on Thomas, calm down.
Not fully wanting to break my gaze with her, I force my eyes closed. Taking deep breaths to still myself. Relax...relax... I repeat in my head over and over again. As I focus, the numbing sensation that filled my body is now fully gone. I become aware of my sense of touch once more. The feel of the carpet below me is the only familiar feeling to me. Everything else is about my new body, feels oddly normal but strange at the same time. My brain accepts it as as my own, but my thoughts know better.
As I begin to calm down, my mind continues to race with questions. Far too many questions. Exhaling I open my eyes and stare at her again, letting out a long exhale before asking the first one, "Is this...real?"
Nodding her head she responds, "Yes, it is."
"How?" I ask pleadingly.
Taking a breath to prepare herself she softly replies, "Come with me. It'll be better for you to understand after you begin walking. It will give your mind a chance to take in everything. Try to stand once more."
I looked down at my feet, I mean hooves, and try stretch them out to brace myself. It was such an odd sensation seeing something so different but feeling it as apart of you. Ignoring the distracting thoughts of how impossible this all was or the strangeness of my body, I focus on standing up.
I tuck one foreleg underneath me, then another. Pushing them down to lift myself up slowly. With some wobbling, I desperately widen my stance to find balance between them as my back legs follow in suit. After a few attempts I manage to get on my hooves. Successfully I stand still shaking at my new posture, while turn to look to her in confusion and for support for the next part. She smiles and unfurls one of her wings towards me while saying, "Take a step."
Turning my attention back down to my hooves, I nervously take one step. My balance almost gives out but I manage to catch myself. "Another", she says. After a few steps toward her, she meets me the rest of the distance and comes to my side. With her wing still around me, she helps guide me along with her.
It takes about fifty feet before I was able to fall into a comfortable pace beside her, my legs now moving automatically. It was hard to not let my eyes remain fixed below me at the sight of seeing one hoof move in front of another, but I couldn't help but now and then stare up at her in awe.
She really was most definitely the short mare I remembered from the show. She was tall and held herself like royal, an air of dignity and calm surrounded her. While lost in taking in every detail about her, I begin to notice the smaller things that I failed to notice or register at first. Such as her mane was flowing like Princess Celestia and Luna. It had a soft touch of purple hue to its edges, and had small twinkles of stars that sparkled within the mane as it flowed gracefully by itself. I never thought it was possible, but she was absolutely stunning.
After feeling sure that I wouldn't trip if I didn't stare at my hooves, I stare at her as I ask my questions. "What's going on? How is this even possible?"
Turning to me for a moment to smile softly at me again, she motioned forward down the great hall we were still walking. "You, are in Equestria. And for how, magic is the answer. I'm sure you're running through many possibilities in your mind as how this came to be. Whether it's still real or not. A dream or afterlife."
As we reached the end of the room, her horn glows for a moment to open the large double doors separating us from the rest of the castle. With her wing still behind me, she guides me along as we pass through the doors and into a brightly lit corridor. Its ceiling remained at the same height and the slight sense of dizziness still overcame me when looking up. Shaking my head, which held the oddest sensation of my mane flowing back and forth, I decide to continue on focusing on my hoofs, watching stone and carpet pass beneath me with each step I take.
"You are not in your world anymore," she continued, drawing my attention away from the ground. "You could almost say this is a different dimension or plane of existence. However you want to word it."
"What?"
"A parallel world that is able to connect with yours," she said simply.
"This… this is, how do you even explain this? This is so surreal," I instinctively said aloud, still taken aback by everything.
"I understand it is a lot to handle, but please be patient as I explain everything to you. For now just keep practicing walking, get a feel for your legs."
As pass through more corridors I continue to grow more comfortable with walking on four legs. But I can't help but keep glancing back at her and admiring her now and then, It seems I can never get enough of looking at her. Half amazed by her beauty, and half to make sure she is still here and real; that she won't simply disappear if I let her out of my sight. A look back from her makes me snap my head forward in embarrassment, causing her to laugh.
After some distance of silence I nervously blurt aloud the first thing in my mind, mostly to try to clear the feeling of awkwardness of everything, "I... I always wondered if 'My Little Dashie' could be real."
She chuckles at my statement. "No, that didn't really happen. Though I did enjoy it. I thought it was a sweet story."
"You've read it?" I asked instantly.
"Of course, I like to browse lots of the things everypony, excuse me… everyone, creates when I have the time."
Stopping in place, I try to get a grip on what she had just said. "Hold on, you've read fanfics of My Little Pony. MY LITTLE PONY! You're a pony! Its about you! How can you be real!?" I burst, again unable to calmly deal with the situation anymore. I couldn't help but feel the need to start shouting at everything.
Walking past me she turns around to view me face to face. "Please, don't exert yourself. As I said, I will explain everything. I'm sure you will probably find it hard to believe but it is the truth."
"I'm already having a hard time believing any of this," I snap sarcastically.
Ignoring my outburst and slight hostility, she simply nods her head and motions me to keep walking with her. With a pause, I nervously join her again as she begins to talk. "As you can see, everything you saw about the show is real. I do exist, and so does Equestria. That show is a loose representation my history of becoming an Alicorn. Something that happened a long time ago."
The way she said the last sentence, the sadness of her tone, washed away the heat of my frustration moments before. Hesitantly I ask before she continued, "So the others...?"
Her head shook side to side while she replied, "My friends are not here. As I said, what you saw was in the past. Before I became the ruler of Equestria, handed down to me by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna."
Slowly taking it in, I piece together what she say bit by bit. Which still isn't enough for me to belief this was indeed happening. "But it's a show," I repeated. "You're an animation. A person, a human invented you! You were created by someone's imagination! And not just one, multiple people wrote those episodes!"
"Yes, people did create the show you watched. But how do you think they got those ideas?" she asked, a gleam in her eye as she looked towards me for an answer.
"I don't know, however you get ideas and write them out!"
"Well those ideas weren't wholly their own. I had a helping hoof in the inspiration for them."
"Come again?"
Taking in a deep breath for a long explanation, she spoke, "Using my magic, I slipped in thoughts of what I wanted to appear into the minds of others. Almost like how you would say, a muse would bring inspiration to an artist. Eventually they were heard and realized. I weaved my history as creative ideas for people to draw and bring forth. They were simple and contained what I wanted to be created in essence. Not all of it's completely accurate mind you, little details here and there were wrong, but for the most part completely true in what happened."
My mind spun with this information. Princess Twilight used people to write her...history?
An explanation of how was given, as for the reasons however... "But why?"
Twilight's smile faded, her happy demeanor faltering slightly as she said flatly, "Because, Equestria is in need of people like you."
Suddenly at loss for words, my mind ran with the possibilities of why. What made me so special?
While my mind worked on the reason, I dimly became aware of the echoing sound of our hoof beats against the stone tiles within the corridor. The slight smell of dusty fabric in the air from the tapestries we passed, to the small brushes of her feathers around me from her guiding wing were as real as any day I had lived before. Not once had my dreams ever been as vivid as this. I guess...this is for real then. I… I need to accept that this is all real…
With exhale from a held breath during my thoughts, I ask "But why me? And people you said? Are there more?"
"No, you are the first to arrive. The spell to bring people here did not go into effect until the the story of me becoming an Alicorn was complete. I did not need to tell my full history, only enough to make sure the spell within the show weaved it's magic strong enough into those who watched it. And opened their hearts to it.
"Weaved what into us? And again, why?"
"Come and see for yourself." She said as we had reached an entrance onto an outdoor balcony. Lifting her wrings from me and tucking them to her side, she walked out onto it while I hesitantly remained near the entrance. She motioned me to join her near the edge of the rail before turning to stare out into the view the balcony provided. With another exhaled breath to prepare myself, I moved to join her, and gasped at what I saw.
It was Equestria but...different. Very different. Heavy low clouds drifted in random parts of the sky, lighting streaking out from beneath them haphazardly. It was as if Rarity herself was controlling the weather but much less organized and menacing. There was nothing friendly about the skies that loomed overhead, I have wondered if any pegasus were doing their job. The ground below however, caught my attention more that the cluttered sky.
Parts of the land were covered in a ugly grey and brown color instead of lush and green like the rest. It seemed as if random patches of landscape decided to up and die, leaving nothing but dried and lifeless plants and trees. It was as if Equestria itself was torn between life and death. "What happened here?" I asked in awe and in fear, not entirely sure I wanted to know.
Her face hardened as she spoke, and her voice took on a stern tone, "A foe that did much harm before I was able to vanquish it. It caused everything before you that you can and can't see. Not only did it ravage the land and… killed many ponies, it also destroyed something more important." Princess Twilight tore her gaze from the landscape and turned back towards me. "Our hearts."
"What do you mean, hearts?" I ask nervously, fidgeting slightly under her intense stare.
This time she turned away from myself and the landscape, to instead down below at the castle. Peering over the rails I followed her gaze. Down in the city of Canterlot, I spotted ponies walking around. It was mostly guards standing at various points keeping a watchful eye, but among them I could see what looked like normal ponies passing by on daily routine. It seemed lively but with a city this large, it looked like there weren't that many ponies within it's walls than what normally should be.
Twilight spoke as we stared at the ponies down below. "Everyone who is born here, is born with something special inside them. It is natural to all of us in this world. It is what drives us and our magic. Give us life and harmony. It is apart of our soul. But it has been destroyed in many of my subjects. It is deeper than thought, deeper than emotions, feelings and pieces of a pony so special, that can't be recovered once lost. It is the same thing that allowed my friends and I to wield the Elements of Harmony so long ago."
"But now it is gone from most of us who are fortunate enough to be living, and I fear we will not recover enough to last through our rebuilding efforts. Even if we manage to restore balance in our land once again, we will have lost an important part of ourselves. What made us, us. It is something we cannot continue without."
Her gaze left the city and focused on me again. "And those who have been effected cannot pass it, or anything else on. So tainted they are by the very power that wrought this land into the state you see before you. We cannot rebuild or survive with the damage we have taken."
"Holy shit..." I could only whisper. After a few moments of being in awe of everything she had said, I quickly coughed realizing I had just swore in front of her. Clearing my throat I ask, "What can I do?" Realizing in horror that my voiced had cracked.
Ignoring my sudden vocal change, she instead changed her demeanor into the same friendly disposition she had greeted me with. "Come and live here in Equestria, and help us rebuild."
"What?"
Chuckling she spread her wings and looked outward again. "I influenced those people where you came from for one reason, to spread it in your world. The spark. The very thing we have lost. I can't return or fully restore what was lost here, but I can let it grow anew in another world that hasn't been affected like ours. An unaffected and new spark is required before the damage here can ever truly be healed."
"Using my magic, I created the thoughts of the show and with it, a subtle spell to affect those that watch it with open minds and hearts. I gave your people a chance to grow their own spark much like what we had here."
"You...used magic on us? Like mind control or brainwashing?"
She responded with a smile at the question. "I did no such thing. I in no way, directly controlled another person. I only gave the idea for them to act on and the potential for those that reached for it. From the people who created the show, to all those that viewed it. After I was sure it was set on the correct path and the magic placed, I stood by and watched it grow. But not everyone will be influenced by the magic within it. Only those that have the potential can have the spark grow within them. Only they can have a chance to come here."
I look back towards the land again, my eyes idly wandering the landscape in search of understanding. It was just all so much. Twilight waited patiently while I dwelled on what she was saying. Still trying to come to terms with it all, I spoke aloud, "So you're creating, sparks in people who watch the show. To bring them here and rebuild Equestria and fight this… whatever it is?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes. But everyone has a choice. I will never force anyone to come here."
"But how did I come? I… I was... did, die in my world."
"Yes, I know."
Another wave of questions ran through my mind. Before I could ask in how it was possible I came here Twilight continued, "I will not forcibly remove someone from another world. The spell gives one's spirit a chance to continue with life instead of passing on. Another chance to remain alive and growing. A spell that if reached for, can bring you into this world."
That explains the white light. Thinking back on my experience in the void I spoke, "So um, besides my questions about the afterlife, this is like some kind of reincarnation then? I mean, can still remember my past life."
"If you want to think of it like that."
Not really receiving a clear answer, I shot the next question comes to my mind. "Will everyone who watches the show come here?" I would by lying if I didn't say thoughts of my sister brought me to ask that. The chance to see her again made me feel ecstatic, but the cold realization that she would have to die made any hope of it come crashing down. I wanted to see her again but not at the price it would cost. It was definitely not a possibility at seeing my parents again who didn't watch it. My heart felt like it was being torn in two, wanting and not wanting to see my family again.
"No, not everyone," Twilight replied. "Like I said, they must have the Spark to have a chance at being brought here. Watching the show does not guarantee it's growth within you and you must have it to even touch this world. It is a fragile thing and requires a stable life that must end naturally for it to persist within the spirit or soul, whichever you prefer. And secondly you must willingly reach for this place. A choice each person will make on their own."
Still filled with questions, I jumped to the next one that popped in my mind. Honestly thinking of my family hurt to much to further discuss how one might get here, "How many… other worlds are there?"
"That is something I still have to discover. When I found out how to reach to other worlds in search of a solution there were so many to sift through. And not all of them can even connect to ours here. But then I came across yours. It was one one of the few that had such a strong connection that I had found. With further examination, I knew it would be yours I would seek help from. As I said, being unable to cure or recover the damage here own my own, I opened a pathway for you and others to come. I saw the potential that can be grown in your hearts. Among many things, you had love and everything else needed for its growth. You only lacked magic."
She then turned to face me fully. She caught me by surprise when she kneeled before me and said with every ounce of her being, "Thank you for coming."
Taken aback, I embarrassingly mumbled, "Of course, um, I'm glad to help." She returned it with a smile while standing back up. Trying to shake the feeling I turned back to the landscape before us. Both of us stared in silence while the whole thing began to catch up with me.
Slowly, I started to say aloud, "I'm alive... I'm alive and in Equestria and… everything is going to be different now." While I had known that the moment I figured out this and everything else was real, saying it outloud in admittance rocked me to my very core. This is going to happen, was happening. Everything I know has changed. I felt anxious, happy, humbled, scared, everything and more than I could explain. I couldn't even fathom how this was going to turn out or affect me, I could only take in this moment.
My chest fluttered and vibrated from the wave of emotions that flowed through me, like they were fighting amongst themselves to establish what I should be feeling. I felt light and heavy all at the same time.
With another deep breath I spoke again, not entirely sure what to say. "When I discovered the show I've… kinda always wanted my life to be something like it to be honest. And here I am. I have a chance at that. But... it won't be the same will it?"
"No," She said in agreement. It felt like minutes passed by while we stared across the land, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I was the first to break the silence.
"Will I be happy here?"
Twilight didn't respond at first. When I thought she would remain silent she spoke softly, "That... is for you to decide."
I let out another exhale while her reply sank in. The a storm of emotions still raged inside me, but I decided on a new resolve that cut through all my anxiety, worry, and hesitation I held inside me. For the first time since I arrived, I smiled while announcing with a new found determination, "Okay, I'm in. I'll do what I can to help."
She returned with another one of her amazing smiles that seem to comfort and reassure me at the same time. A twinge of pride filled me as she nodded her head in a silent thank you before speaking again, "We have a long path ahead of us to fix things here. And we must welcome our new guests as well. I'm sure you will be very helpful with that considering you have just went through it." I nodded in reply as she turned her focus back to her kingdom again. Her face was hard to read as she whispered softly, "We're going to need all the help we can get."
