Lance was resting in his quarters, brooding, as he had been for quite some time, on earth. More specifically, how much he missed earth. He missed the sound of the ocean the most, and while space was cool and his weird, cosmic destiny was awesome, he still found himself yearning for his old bed in his home more often than he cared to admit. He missed his family, and he even missed the academy. He rolled over onto his side, so that he could look around the room. It was small, and not at all like any room he had ever had. His room at the academy hadn't even been this sterile and empty, but it wasn't like he had any decorations to make this place more comfortable.
He sat up and stretched, checking the time. It was late. Normally he slept well, but lately he had been having more and more trouble getting to bed. He just couldn't get his brain to shut off when he was alone. It was easy when he was training with his team to forget how much he missed earth, but once they had any kind of downtime without distractions, his mind began to wander, and he thought of grass beneath his bare feet, and a canopy of trees above his head. He thought of the way a summer breeze felt, the way it brought with it the smell of the ocean, the way it sounded when the treetops swayed and their leaves rustled together. He thought of his mother, and her warm smiles and home cooking.
Lance was becoming increasingly and inescapably homesick.
The metal floor was cold beneath his bare feet, but he didn't pause to put on his shoes or slippers as he left his quarters, wandering the empty halls of the Castle of Lions. There was nowhere to go, but he was restless, and found himself aching to be away from this feeling. Eventually, he made his way to the access tunnel to his Lion. He hesitated before entering, turning to look around the bridge. It had seemed empty when he walked in, but he did not feel like he was alone. When he looked around he noticed someone had fallen asleep in the far chair. It was Keith's chair, and though the figure had a blanket pulled up and over their head, there was really only one person it could be.
Lance crossed the bridge, prodding Keith's sleeping form when he drew close.
Keith awoke immediately, still fully dressed under the blanket, which he threw off quickly as he surged forth from his chair. He whirled around and drew a knife on Lance, who had drawn back, hands raised in surrender and shock. Keith took a step backwards, expression turning from fierce anger to shock, and then to embarassed annoyance.
"Lance," he said, exhaling and putting his knife away. He bent down and collected his blanket, about to continue, but Lance was already talking.
"What the heck was that about?" he exclaimed, spreading his arms in disbelief, "What, do you think we're going to be ambushed?"
"Yes," Keith said, and then he paused, "No. Maybe," he spread the cover over his chair and crossed his arms, "I just want to be ready."
"So you've been sleeping on the bridge?" Lance shouted, gesturing wildly to Keith's chair, which looked incredibly uncomfortable, "Are you insane?"
"Listen, just because everybody else is getting comfortable here doesn't mean I have to," he snapped, glaring at Lance, who was trying very hard to look like he was irritated, and not like he was concerned, "If we're attacked when everybody is asleep, at least I'll be ready to respond."
"How long have you been sleeping on the bridge?" Lance asked, "You know that's crazy, right?" Keith levelled him with an unimpressed look.
"No, it's not," he said, and Lance did not miss that he had avoided the question, "We're at war, Lance. Like, actual war. Against an enormous army with more experience, and more advanced technology! I can't just relax!"
"Nobody's asking you to relax, but you don't need to be this paranoid!" Lance snapped, pacing to Keith's chair and back, "I can't believe nobody has noticed this!"
"It's really not a big deal," Keith said, shrugging, "Coran knows, he found me here a week ago. He was the one who suggested a blanket," Lance opened his mouth to express how ridiculous he knew Keith was being, but decided against it. He would just tell Shiro in the morning, have their leader sort it out, maybe make Allura order Keith to sleep in his bed like a normal person. He almost switched tactics and thought about making fun of Keith, asking him if he'd be sleeping in his Lion next, all suited up and everything, but he really didn't want to give the guy ideas. A part of him knew this really wasn't that big a deal, sure, because as long as Keith got enough rest, they were fine, but a bigger part of him was just worried. Yikes.
After a long moment, Lance narrowed his eyes.
"This can't be comfortable," was all he said, and Keith huffed.
"It doesn't matter," he said, and he sat down on his blanket, leaning back into his seat. With the air of someone who was finally getting to ask what they'd really wanted to know, he said, "What are you doing up here anyway?" Lance withdrew immediately, crossing his arms and looking away.
"I was- sleepwalking," he said, in a way he hoped was not entirely unconvincing. He glanced over quickly, to see that Keith had raised an eyebrow.
"Sleepwalking? You?" he snorted, wrapping himself in his blanket, "You sleep like the dead."
"I sleepwalk!" he said defensively, though he was a twinge nervous. He fidgeted, and then sat down in his chair, glaring at Keith, "I'm surprised you don't sleepwalk, as stressed out as you are."
"I'm not-" Keith rolled his eyes, "This isn't a stress thing, and- even if it is, why is that bad? We should all be stressed."
"We are stressed," Lance said, serious for a moment, and then glanced away at the sudden, dawning understanding that lit up Keith's face, "I mean- of course we are, but at least we know when to calm down. You can't always be tensed to spring." Keith didn't respond for a long moment, and Lance didn't want to look at him, afraid of what he might see.
"Do you-" Keith paused, and Lance finally looked at him. Keith was looking down at his feet, which he had stretched out in front of him on the ground, holding the blanket around his shoulders like an old woman holds her shawl. He almost cracked a smile, but then Keith was looking at him, his eyes serious and bright. Lance found that he could not look away, "Do you- miss earth?" he asked, and Lance felt his expression falling before he could stop it. He turned away, forcing a wide grin.
"Are you kidding?" he laughed, puffing up and exuding false bravado, "Do you realize how cool we are now? We're space warriors! Out here fighting evil and keeping everybody safe! It's like every kid's fantasy, but we're living it."
"Yeah, that's not what I asked," Keith said bluntly, and Lance's expression faltered before he plastered on a look of annoyance.
"What, you want to get touchy feely with me? What do you expect," he rolled his eyes, "I'm not that homesick, honestly. Maybe you're projecting," The words sounded false to him, but he didn't bother to take them back, and Keith wasn't talking again anyway. He yawned and stretched, testing the chair out. It really wasn't comfortable. He could fall asleep in it, but he'd probably be sore in the morning. He made a mental note to get Keith a pillow at some point, if he remembered.
"I don't miss earth," Keith said quietly after a while, and Lance turned to watch him. It was weird, talking to him like this. He almost wanted to get up and run away, "I never really felt connected to that place. It's why I was so focused at Galaxy Garrison. I wanted to be a pilot so badly."
"You got kicked out, though," Lance said immediately, and unnecessarily. Keith sent him a withering look, one he felt he deserved. He gave a sheepish grin, which was ignored.
"I didn't agree with some of their rules," he said, adjusting his grip on his blanket, "They didn't agree with my attitude. I learned what I needed to before I left." Lance considered this in silence, humming to show that he was listening, "I guess I must have seemed arrogant. I'm sorry. I never meant to ignore you," Lance didn't respond, embarassed. He didn't need an apology, and he'd never wanted one, really. He only ever wanted to be on par with Keith.
"Yeah, you were super arrogant," Lance said, smirking, "but, hey, it's your arrogance that makes you the paladin you are. You wouldn't be you, otherwise." He hadn't meant for it to sound as kind as it did, but he supposed there was no taking it back, now. After a moment, he continued, "You might be less of a jerk, though," Keith laughed, jolting a grin out of Lance.
"That's rich, coming from you," Keith said, "You're like, the king of jerks." His tone made Lance slightly uncomfortable. It wasn't mean, or biting, or unkind at all, and they were bonding, Lance realized, this was what bonding felt like. It was terrifying. He reached out and punched Keith lightly anyway, laughing along with him.
"Yeah, you're not so bad, either," he said, and immediately regretted it. He crossed his arms again, a smile frozen on his face as he studied the metal floor.
"You're not wearing shoes," Keith observed suddenly, and Lance glanced over, "Or socks. Your feet must be freezing."
"Yeah, I'm tough," Lance said, puffing himself up again and shrugging, "Tough guys don't need socks," Keith snorted out a laugh, which seemed to surprise both of them, "What?" he chuckled, "I forgot to grab my slippers. Nobody wears socks to bed, anyway." Keith hummed, and they fell into a comfortable silence. Lance found that he was getting tired again, as he leaned back in his chair, yawning for a second time. His mind was wandering, though, and his smile was melting away. After a while, he had almost forgotten that Keith was there, until he heard him shift and yawn as well. They were both tired, and Allura would probably have them training tomorrow anyway. He knew they shouldn't stay up much longer.
Still, Lance almost did not want to leave. He wondered if they would be friends tomorrow, or if he would go back to pretending to dislike Keith, just because it was normal and comfortable. It was their routine, and if it suddenly changed, Lance would forget how to act. His brow creased, and he glanced over at Keith, who had let his eyes close. Was he asleep?
"Hey," he said quietly as a test, and Keith glanced over, eyes opening again. Lance paused, unsure of what to say, and then he fiddled with his wrist, looking away as he said the first thing on his mind, "I hate being away from earth," he went on softly, finally giving voice to the awful feelings in his chest. He swallowed. Keith had sat up, leaning forward to try and get a look at his face, and he felt exposed and uncomfortable, but he didn't want to stop talking yet, "I miss it so, so badly. All the time. Do you know how far away we are?" he asked, glancing over at Keith, who shook his head, "Coran showed me. We're... really far away. I don't even know how long it would take to get back. I don't even know if we'll- get back," he said, twining his fingers together and looking down at his hands.
"We'll get back," Keith said immediately, and he sounded so sure of himself, like there was no doubt in his mind. Lance wished he could sound so sure, but he knew better. There were no guarantees out here, and Keith had said it himself only a few moments earlier. They were fighting a war. Like, an actual war.
"I'm just afraid I'll-" he hesitated, worried he might be showing too much for a moment, but plunged on anyway, "I'm afraid I'll- forget. I'm afraid I'll forget the grass, and the sea, and the sky. I'm afraid I'll forget my- parents, and my home, and I'll never- see it again." Keith stood up, and crouched next to Lance's chair, and he hadn't even realized that his vision had started to blur with tears. He sniffed, and groaned when Keith grabbed his hand. Lance used his other hand to cover his eyes, "Wow, this sucks," he laughed, "I didn't meant to say any of that."
"It's alright," Keith said, and though he looked seriously lost for words, his tone was gentle, more soothing than Lance had thought him capable of. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and sniffed again. He wished he could stop crying, "It's going to be alright." He gripped Keith's hand tightly, mouth drawn into a frown. It was a moment before he could speak with a level voice.
"Yeah, that's... what I tell myself," Lance said, clearing his throat, "I think it's what we all tell ourselves... It's what we have to tell ourselves. It's really hard, though, to keep myself from thinking of- of the worst case scenario," he uncovered his eyes, and Keith was close, only a foot away. His face was pinched with unguarded concern, and Lance felt more exposed than ever. Even more exposed than when he had been cuffed to a tree, or pinned in a fight, "You get what I'm saying, right?"
"I get the last part, yeah," Keith said, his tone reassuring, "I think about the worst case scenario every day. It's easy not to, when we're all together, but-" he cut himself off, glancing over at his makeshift bed and then back to Lance, "It's hard to think about anything else, when I'm alone." Lance felt a strong wave of empathy crash over him, and he knew exactly how Keith felt, just as he knew that Keith understood exactly how Lance felt. He laughed, shaking his head and rubbing at his eyes, while Keith looked on, watching in detached concern. After a moment, Keith kept talking, and Lance studied their hands, clasped together like a link between them, "I, uh. I've always had to look out for myself. I guess, now that I'm responsible for a team, it's just- I just really want to be able to keep everyone safe."
"We're looking out for you too," Lance said, smirking at Keith, "You don't have to constantly be on guard. If anything happens, you've got four teammates and two weirdos who will put their lives on the line for you. We're all equally responsible for each other." Keith just looked at him for a moment, as he processed this. Then, he smirked too.
"So are you one of the weirdos, or one of the teammates?" he laughed, and Lance grinned, punching him on the arm.
"Ah, shut up," he said, rolling his eyes, "You're ruining the first actual moment we've had."
"You would have ruined it eventually, anyway," Keith said, shrugging and standing up, "I'm just speeding up the process," his expression went blank suddenly, and there was a brief moment when their eyes locked, as they both realized they were still holding hands. Keith stared down at Lance, whose expression was also frozen, and then Lance let a wide grin split across his face, using Keith's hand to hoist himself up. He loosened his grip, and Keith took this as a sign he should let go. Once disconnected, Keith took a step back, and the emptiness between them seemed to stretch like a void.
"Thanks," Lance said, tone slightly gruff, and Keith looked away, nodding.
"No problem," he said, a tad on the formal side. They both stood still then, as if waiting for the other person to say something. Lance ached to fix whatever had gone wrong, but that was the problem- he didn't know what had happened. Suddenly, things were awkward, and neither of them seemed to know what to say. He cleared his throat and began fidgeting.
"Well, I guess I should get back to bed," Lance said after a moment, when it became clear that Keith was done speaking.
"Yeah, me too," Keith nodded, seating himself once again, "If Allura knew we were still awake, she'd have our heads," Lance grinned, and snickered, then stopped when Keith shot him a disapproving look. He straightened up immediately, grin turning sheepish.
"Right. Totally," embarassed, he turned away, and began to leave, "Well- goodnight, man. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah," Keith trailed off, and when Lance reached the door, he suddenly spoke up again, "Lance!" Lance whirled around, maybe a little too quickly, and was immediately trapped by Keith's serious gaze.
"Uh- yeah?" he asked nervously.
"I'm making a promise, right now," he said, his tone just as serious as his face, "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you see your family again," Lance's chest suddenly felt very heavy, and his stomach lurched. He wanted to leave, immediately, but was rooted to the spot, and he thought his eyes might start to burn again, but he shook off the feeling and smiled, closing his eyes.
"Sure, man. Whatever you say," he lifted a hand to wave, turning away again.
"Hey, I'm serious," Keith called out after him, and Lance was suddenly very irritated.
"I know," he said, pausing in his exit, and then he quickly left, before he said anything else.
He knew Keith was serious. That was the problem. Because he had no idea just how much a promise like that meant to Lance, and Lance would never be able to tell him. The next day, before everybody had gone to bed, Lance sneaked away and left a pillow on Keith's chair.
okay, i hope they aren't too out of character! i tried to catch their voices, but i'm not sure if i succeeded
anyway, thanks so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed!
