101 (Dangerous) Ways to Annoy Snape

Parody-of-an-Angel

'What happens when Harry and Ron compile a list of ways to piss of Snape and why is Hermione completing it? SS/HG. List by EnSnared'

Disclaimer – I do not own any characters from Harry Potter. I do not own this list. I did not make it up. It is not mine...........................but I have permission to use it.

THE OWNER OF THE FABULOUS LIST IS ENSNARED!!!!!!! Thank you.

BTW, chapters will probably be very short but I will update often!! Well, often for me anyway (

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Chapter 1 - Prologue

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Hermione Granger walked or rather stomped, down the second floor corridor, seething. The nerve of that man! She briefly considered practising voodoo magic on him before she remembered that any form of it was outlawed over a hundred years ago. Pity. Storming across the floor, she made her way to the staircase opposite the Great Hall and ascended them slowly, trying to calm down her frantic mind, which was currently filled with thoughts of violent revenge upon a certain Professor.

Vainly trying to dispel the negative thoughts from her being, she recalled what had brought about this uncharacteristic mood.

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A young girl of seventeen walked the familiar route to the dungeons, her footsteps resounding against the cold stone. Shivering, she clutched her robe tighter around her and the grip on the parchment she held in her other hand tightened. Looking up, she realised that she had reached her destination – the Potion's classroom. Raising her hand, Hermione knocked the door with three precise raps, the blows echoing hollowly against the wood.

"Enter," a smooth voice said from within.

Drawing a deep breath, Hermione gathered all her supposed Gryffindor courage and opened the door, which creaked a little on it's hinges and cautiously peered in. Professor Snape was seated at his desk, currently scribbling away at something, which Hermione presumed to be essays. He was hunched over with his lank greasy hair falling into his face creating a curtain almost.

Clearing her throat, she walked up to steps leading to the mahogany desk and waited for him to acknowledge her presence in some way. When he didn't, Hermione once again cleared her throat much like Umbridge had.

"Hem, Hem"

That finally got his attention and he grudgingly looked up, unable to ignore her any longer.

"Miss Granger," he drawled with a sneer. "I trust that you have a legitimate reason for intruding upon me at this hour".

Stifling a retort – it was only just after dinner – she answered him as politely as she could.

"Professor Snape," she started clearly. "I am here to discuss the grade that you have awarded me on the essay, which I recently handed in."

"What about it?"

"I think that it is unreasonable and that I know that I deserve higher then that".

"Let me remind you Miss Granger," he started, rising form his seat to tower over her. "That I am the teacher and not you, therefore making it my decision on which marks to award you on any given essay or project".

"I understand that Professor, but I really think that you should go over this again and I think that you will find everything in order," Hermione stated, desperately trying to keep her rare temper in check.

"True Miss Granger, everything is in order, but I do not think that you fully understand what you are writing about".

At this, Hermione gasped indignantly, no one had ever accused her of not understanding something that she had handed in before. It was unthinkable, yet he had just done it.

"I assure you Professor Snape that I do indeed know what I am talking, or in this case writing about," she said very civilly, congratulating herself at her self-control.

"Others might think that you know what you are talking about, but I think that though who can recite facts to me – all memorised out of some book or another – you do not truly understand the subtle art of Potion's making"

Hermione simply gaped at him, unable to come up with a reply more mature than "I do so!". Closing her mouth abruptly, she turned on her heel and exited the lab without a second glance, still not quite believing that after years of perfect scores she had gotten a 90%.

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Her heart still stung with the memory of the cruel words that had been so harshly administered to her. Blinking back tears, she recalled a muggle saying that she had once heard 'Big girls don't cry...they get even'. Wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her robe, she stiffened her resolve to do just this.

Arriving at the portrait of the fat lady 5 minutes later, she said the password and the painting swung aside to reveal a small hole in the wall. Hermione was greeted by the sight of her two friends huddled together at one of the small tables in the corner of the room, whom were every now and then glancing over their shoulders in trepidation. Strolling over to them quietly, she snuck up behind Ron before grabbing his shoulders, an action which led to a surprised yelp on his part and a hearty chuckle from Harry.

"Wotcha doing?" she asked, using the favourite word of Tonks, though for a different meaning.

"Nothing," Ron said over-loudly, but motioned for her to follow them, which she did, leaving her abandoned essay on the table.

Making their way out the common room door, curiosity overcoming the urge to do her homework instead, they made their way to the girl's bathroom on the second floor. Myrtle was out under the lake luckily, so they were ensured absolute privacy. Wondering what was so special that they had to keep it a secret from everyone, Hermione mused on what it could be, her mind coming up with a range of possibilities each more unlikely then the rest.

Casting a repellent charm on all their bums, Hermione and co sat down on the wet floor, though they were unaffected. Harry and Ron were each hiding something behind their backs and at a discreet nod from both of them, they brought the mysterious items out with a flourish and "TA DA". Hermione was rather disappointed with what she saw, having been expecting something very unusual. Instead all they were holding were bits of browning parchment. Ron gave his to Harry who put them together and handed the stack to Hermione reverently.

"Um, what exactly is it?" asked Hermione sceptically.

"What is it?!" exclaimed Ron passionately. "This, my dear Hermione is the..."

"List of all lists!" continued Harry, interrupting. "It is the King of the lists! The sovereign ruler of lists!"

"Isn't the King the sovereign ruler?" she asked, missing the point of their mini daytime Soap altogether.

"I don't know, but that wasn't the point. The point is that this is the best thing that I have ever written!" said Harry, on the verge of shouting.

"Hey! I wrote it too," declared Ron proudly, while Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes simultaneously.

"What's it a list of though?" enquired Hermione curiously.

"Read it and find out," and so she did.

101 (Dangerous) Ways to Annoy Snape

1. During potions lessons, wear fake teeth and claim you invented the question mark. 2. Ask him if he's ever watched Barney.

Hermione only got that far before a dangerous gleam came into her eye and she looked up into Harry and Ron's stunned faces at he expression of......mischief! Smiling evilly to herself she proceeded to initiate the conversation which would still shock the boys when they though of it 10 years from now. Know-it-all bookworm Hermione Granger was going to break the rules. Continuously and on purpose .

"Do you mind if I borrowed this list?" she asked, smirking about some unseen joke.

"It depends what for," stated Harry. "We're very protective of our baby"

At this, Hermione snorted, but refrained from commenting on the term of endearment.

"Well, do you want the honest version or some fake phoney lie?" she asked, procrastinating telling them the real reason why she wanted the list.

"Honest one"

"Okay, I plan to act out all the things on the list, effectively pissing off Snape to no end and exacting my revenge!" she declared triumphantly.

"Revenge for what?" asked Ron. "Other then being a greasy sadistic over- grown bat whom is really biased that is," he added.

"Revenge for giving me only 90% on an essay and claiming that I didn't know what I was writing about!"

"Um, oooooookkkkkaaaaayyyyyy" said Harry, backing away slowly with Ron following suit, neither of them daring to say anything about how 90% wasn't that bad.

"Thanks!" Hermione yelled, already rushing back to the common room to read over the list and prepare for it.

She knew that by doing this, it would probably get her into a load of trouble, maybe even expelled, but she already had several black streaks on her record so why not go the full Monty? That night, she dreamed of Snape's face when she exacted her perfect revenge, thanking the Gods that today had been the day when Harry and Ron had for once put their brains to use and composed a masterpiece.

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Well, what did you think? Did you hate it? Did you love it? REVIEW PEOPLES!!!..........................please.

Once again, I do not own the list. It was written by EnSnared who let me use it.

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