Watching Evie walk out of my life that day might have been the saddest and scariest thing I've ever experienced. Now I had to live in the consequences of my actions with no one there to support me that would actually understand. While laying with my mom for all of that time, I was able to think about everything and regain a bit of clarity. I didn't regret anything I did with Evie. It could have been worse right? I mean, what would have happened if no one ever caught on to what we were doing and I got even more wrapped up in the turmoil?

Owning up to everything was more painful than anything I ever had to do. Having to tell my mom everything versus going to juvenile hall for possession, stealing, and who knows what else, was not too bad. Having to go back to school was difficult, I just wanted to drop out right then. Knowing that I was going to fail the seventh grade killed me inside because I wasn't that person. Because I had hung out with Evie so much, people thought that after she left, that I would still be like her. Selling shit in the park and on the streets on Saturday nights was the worst because if I just wanted to go out shopping, I would be approached with a bit of money stashed in some guys hand while he expected something in return, something that I did not have.

This went on for the remainder of my seventh grade year. The depression got to me so much that I didn't go to school most days. On the days that I did, most of the time was spent in the counseling office with some woman that claimed to understand what I was going through, though she and I both knew that she didn't! My mom tried so hard to help but because I was still so out of it, my outbursts became too much for her. I spent a lot of time with Mason, he helped me try to get my head back on straight. Occasionally, he and I would share a bowl just to calm me down. Mostly on the days that I went to school because I had to deal with Evie crap all of the time. Even though she was gone, her spirit seemed to linger in the hallways. Everyone always asked me when she was coming back and my answer was always the same, "I don't fucking know and I don't fucking care!"

Living this life was getting to me, I needed a change and I needed it fast.