Those Darn Shippings
Disclaimer: If I did own star wars I would wipe these shippings from the face of the earth. MWAHAHAHAHA!
ANIME
(Anakin and Padme)
Anakin is a whiny, emo crackhead who wouldn't know acting if it hit him on the side of the head. I'm telling you he probably broke the code so it would get him chicks, you know like that stripper-jedi Ayla Secura. The guys got major issues including narcissism, no talentism, stoneheadism, and just plain idiotism. He must be desperate if he fell for Padme who's got the IQ level of a two year old and the body of an old fart. I mean, Anakin thought Obi-wan was cheating with Padme. If he had used common sense he would have remembered that Obi-wan is way too gay for Padme. Hey that Rhymed!
Padme is a naïve little know it all that was too weak for child birth and a total loser. Her hair styles are so abnormal Anakin stayed on the battlefield for as long as possible and just made out with Asoka (weird image) Padme is a total hypocrite who is constantly preaching PEACE! Despite the fact she constantly dukes it out with the separatists without batting an eyelash. Plus their eye colors look stupid together, brown and blue? Like smearing chocolate sauce on the sky.
OBIDALA
(Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme)
I got to tell you guys, either Obi-wan was desperate after Siri died or Padme's just a slut, take your pick. Obi-wan is way too vain for his own good, he changed his hairstyle three times, THREE! Plus his hair color is really confusing, in the first movie he had like brown hair, in the second movie he had BLONDE hair, and yet people describe his hair in the third movie as REDDISH-BROWN. How is it you go from brown to blonde to reddish brown, TELL ME! Seriously though, I could imagine these two going at it while Anakin wasn't looking because Padme would think she was "keeping the peace" or some similar hippie crap.
Padme, as I've said, is a naïve not-pacifist who is probably related to Qui-gon because of how much of a hippie she is, she's probably smoking some "Tree" with Qui-gon on the weekends. Padme is of course an idiot, who probably dyed her blonde hair brown and uses big words to disguise her stupidity. Hell, Padme probably doesn't even know the meaning of smart, much less was smart. Not to mention, because she's just that much of a bitch, if Anakin found out she was cheating on him she'd probably trick him and Obi-wan into becoming her slave, she is a female pimp Dammit!
GRIEVAAK (Grievous AND Shaak Ti)
Whoever made this screwed up ship was either an idiot or he or she was too busy jacking off to notice what the hell they were doing, I vote for both. Grievous is a blood thirst jedi killer who is all whiny about being a droid. Truthfully the guy's a cyborg and atleast he still has a heart despite the fact it's probably a black one. Now note the words bloodthirsty, jedi and killer. Now if you put those words together you get a hidden message that says: Shaak is going to die. The guy kills jedi for a reason and a jedi master falls for him? WTF!
Shaak just looks like a stereotypical demoness, red skin, horns, and sharp togruta teeth? Yeah that's totally normal. Not to mention she's probably a lesbian since she hangs out with Padme and they probably sneak off every night to go to some strip club. Also, whats up with her lightsaber? In pictures she's got a purple lightsaber yet in the force unleashed she has a blue one. Someone mind explaining that because I have no idea and I'm not in the mood to play Sherlock Holmes. So what, do you ask, is the moral of this ship? Make sure you do that in the bedroom got it?
SIRIWAN (Obi-wan Kenobi and Siri Tachi)
Ah Siri, our favorite sociopathic tomboy. The woman is the very definition of man-women and I can see why Obi-wan would be repulsed; she's probably got a small rack. I am almost certain she is a masochist; I could have sworn I saw her cackle evilly while she crashed her star fighter like the stereotypical blonde she was. Or maybe she was too stupid to realize she was dyeing I don't know. Anyway, I'm sure nobody misses Tachi because I sure as hell don't, the creeps me out and takes stupidity to a whole nother level.
Obi-wan must have been real desperate when he discovered the blonde bimbo that was Siri Tachi. His friends probably bet him he wouldn't get layed in twenty-four hours so he went looking for a blonde idiot who he could easily coerce into hitting the sack with him. But enough with the euphemisms, in the end Obi-wan won five hundred credits and Siri was as stupid as ever. Sometimes I think her and Jar Jar should get together, yes the perfect idiotic couple.
QUI-MI (Qui-gon Jinn and Shmi Skywalker)
I don't have jack shit to say about Shmi since no one gives a crap about her.
The same cannot be said for Qui-gon however. He's a full blown hippie who's always spouting off about "standing up to the man and flipping off the system" and any other marijuana induced statements he can make. He spends most of his time smoking some "Tree" as he calls it and playing a flute and wearing a turban. He always "upright and righteous" which both basically mean the same exact thing, but no one has the courage to tell him that because they don't want him to "Get all up on their asses" what ever that means. Anyway I could actually see this pairing working since Shmi seems like the "Tree sipper" type. Atleast Anakin would be less whiny.
OBITRESS (Obi-wan Kenobi and Asajj Ventress)
AUG! what is the matter with you people, this is just like GRIEVAAK only reversed. Asajj is a slightly insane homicide obsessed assassin who wouldn't know the word victory if it slapped her. The woman can't win a duel period and she's lost every assignment she has ever gotten and she is a terrible flirter. I'm almost sure she's got something for Grievous, she just won't admit it. What is up with women anyway? Every woman in star wars either knows how to kick ass or is force sensitive why can't all woman be like that in our world? Can't anyone see my vision?
From what I've seen, Obi-wan has tried and failed multiple times to get Asajj to kiss him but instead has gotten a lightsaber to the throat several times. Sometimes think Obi-wan changed his hair color to reddish-brown because red and brown are Asajj's favorite color. I swear the guy's got so many ships he should be considered a pimp. You've got Padme, Siri, Asajj, Satine, when will the madness end, WHEN!
Remember, this is not meant to be taken seriously, only for laughs. Please give me requests! I can't live without them please! Oh, yeah and review to.
-Wakkomonkey9258
