Title: Julian's Fanmail.
Author: Satan's Sidekick
Email: satans_sidekick13@hotmail.com
Rating: 15
Based On: FG
Disclaimers: All events and characters belong to
L.J.Smith. I am in no way making profit for this, nor do I claim to own
the characters, etc, etc. Don't mean to offend no one either.
Summary: Julian gets fanmail, and he gets a little nasty. All the names
of the fans are strictly at random.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1
Dear Jules,

You are sooo cool! I mean, like, what the hell was Jenny thinking
anyway? I'd love to have my own shadowman *hint hint*, and I would
dump my boyfriend in a hot second. And Tom, what is with him? I am
totally and absolutely behind you with that. I like, balled my eyes out
in that last chapter when you died. If there was a way to get you back,
I'd do it alright!

Your biggest fan,
Jules4eva

~

Dear Jules4eva,

The reason that I liked Jenny was because she wasn't a manipulative
bitch like you are, if you're actually willing to dump your current
boyfriend for me. And I am obviously no longer dead if I am writing to
you at this moment and you are expecting me to write back.

Julian.

PS. I don't believe that your mother named you Jules4eva, and nor do I
believe that my name is 'Jules'.

~**~
2
Dear Julian,

When are you and Damon going to get together?
It's so obvious that both of you are either gay or bi, that I think you
two should just admit it, and get it over and done with.

Annonymous

~

Annonymous-

Is it so obvious that I like men? In that case, thank you for informing
me because I certainly didn't know this. And Damon? Who the hell is
Damon? Are you sure that you've got the right L.J.Smith book here? And
what exactly are Damon and I supposed to get over and done with?

Julian

~**~
3
Dear Julian,

I was wondering why you like Jenny, anyway?

Lots of love,
Lisa

~

Dear Lisa,

I don't like Jenny, I love her.

Julian.

~**~
4
Dear Julian,

I was wondering what you thought about fanfiction about you. Do you
think it generally portrays the real you, or are most of the rubbish?

From Jessica

~

Dear Jessica,

A lot of fanfiction is complete bullshit, especially when people try to
write funny fiction about me. This annoys me because shadowmen are not
supposed to be funny, and I certainly wasn't very funny in the books
now was I? I am selfish, possessive, envious, and downright mean when
you come to it. Besides, I enjoy watching people being tortured by
their nightmares. Jenny is the only person I've actually liked, but I'm
not about to fall straight into her arms after she resurrects me, am I?
Underneath it all, I'm still a manipulative guy.

Julian.

PS. The worst fanfiction would have to be when authors write me in
first person, as if they'd know what I was thinking. Roleplayers
playing my character are just as bad.

~**~
5
Dear Julian,

If you were in a fire, what three items would you take out of your
house?

Love,
Anna

~

Dear Anna,

I would take nothing out, because I wouldn't be inside a house with a
fire in the first place. I don't even own a house. The mail address is
a post office box, where I have to pick up the piles of letters
everyday. Most of the letters contain pointless questions and
exclaimations that just waste more of my time. Fortunetely, I have time
to waste.

Julian.

~**~
6
Dear Julian,

It's not possible how you can be so fantastically beautiful and have
such a great 'water-over-rock', elemental voice.

Yours sceptically,
Sam

~

Dear Sam,

I don't understand how you can make a judgement like that when you
haven't seen me or heard my voice.

Julian.

~**~
7
Dear Julian,

I was wondering how much you can do with your powers?

Brad.

~

Brad-

I can do a bloody lot with my powers.

Julian.

~**~
8
Dear Julian,

I was wondering, what your favourite colour was?

~

Dear Person-With-No-Apparent-Name,

My favourite colour, of course, is blue.

JUlian.

~**~
9
Dear Julian,

I love you! My name is Jenny Thornton and I see you in my dreams, and I
see you everywhere! I don't want Tom anymore, I want you!

Come and take me!

~

Dear Jenny,

As you have a split personality - you are not Jenny Thornton - attention
seeking deficit, and a severe case of schitzophrenia - even I cannot
be everywhere at once - I suggest you seek a doctor for professional
help. I have no desire to take you anywhere.

Julian.

~**~
10
I hate you!

You're the meanest son of bitch in the whole book making Jenny and Tom
break up like that!

~

Why thankyou.

Julian.

~**~
11
Dear Julian,

You're a book character. How can it be possible that you're taking
fanmail and replying? That's pathetic.

Alex.

~

Dear Alex,

Doesn't it just make you more pathetic for writing to a book character
and expecting him to reply?

JUlian.

~**~
12
Dear Julian,

I tried the runes thing, and I still couldn't get into the Shadow World.
Have I done something wrong? How can I get in? I want to meet a Shadow
man.

Denise

~

Dear Denise,

Yes, you are doing something wrong. Trying to get into the Shadow World
in the first place. Obviously you can't get in because no one wants
you there. If you really want to meet a Shadowman, we can arrange a
game and I'll bring your worst nightmares to life.

Julian.