Working on this with ZephyrHearts her stories are amazing and I'm lucky to have her helping me with this one :)
Time goes by ticking like grains of sand falling in an hour glass. Seconds turning into minutes, minutes turning into hours, hours turning into days and all I can do is lie here looking at my clock. It's two o'clock A.M. and I have four hours before it's time to wake up. I lift my right arm, pull down my sleeve and revealed the small cuts that I have made. I ghost my fingers over them letting me know I wasn't dreaming that my life is in fact real. That the past, no matter how bad, was indeed my reality. I covered up my arm and drifted off to sleep.
The next morning, I woke up with just enough time to get ready for school. I put on a long sleeve pink shirt with a big purple flower on it and some skinny jeans. I throw my backpack over my shoulder, and grabbed my purse that I've always kept by my bedroom door.
"I'm off to school." I said to my parents as I grabbed a piece of toast and put it in my mouth.
I held the toast between my teeth while I opened the door with one hand and put the other strap to my backpack on with my other hand. I continued to eat it as I got outside.
"Clare we need to talk" My mother yelled to me as I walked off to school.
"No we don't mom." I retorted while I turned around to face her and walked backwards.
"Yes, we do! The discussion from last night isn't over."
I put the toast in my mouth again and threw my hands up as I turned around and continued to walk. The weather was rather warm to wear a long sleeve shirt, but it hid the scars well. It's mid-September and school as usual is going to suck. I can just tell by instinct. I finished off my toast and walked inside Degrassi Community School, my double life, my escape from home.
The school was full of people wandering around the halls aimlessly as they tried to make their way to their destination. Mine was my locker at which Alli stood.
"So Clare, another long sleeve shirt, you do know it's a little warm to be wearing long sleeved shirts?"
I wanted to tell her to shut up, that she shouldn't be stating the obvious.
"Yea why?" I finally responded.
"You've worn them for almost a year! At least promise me you'll wear a short sleeve shirt tomorrow."
I thought about it for a little.
"Promise." I stated.
Alli's heels clacked on the ground as I entered the combo to my locker, to my excitement she moved on the other side of me and leaned up against the one next to mine. Her black hair was straightened and she wore a bright blue mini skirt, bright pink top, and short sleeve denim jean jacket. I looked at her shoes and they were bright pink four inch heels.
"Alli how can you walk in those?"
Alli just shrugged her shoulders as I threw my books in my locker.
"So gym later do I get to see you in short sleeves for once?"
"No Alli I love long sleeves remember?"
"I know I just don't know why you've been like this for a year, yet every time I used to check your arms for lacerations or something there's nothing there. I don't know what's with you and those shirts."
"Alli they're just comfortable." I responded, getting a little bit annoyed.
I'm so happy that my parents decided to punish me during the summer by taking away all my shirts leaving me with long sleeves in which I never really pulled the sleeves up for some reason, but I'm glad I didn't or Alli would assume something. I've been cutting for about three weeks now and no one knows anything.
"Ok well Clare the bell's about to ring I got to get to class"
I waved goodbye to Alli as I shut my locker and made my way to English. There was some kid sitting in the seat in front of me and someone next to me. I ignored it and took my seat behind the boy in front of me.
I watched the clock tick and got bored waiting for the bell to ring especially since it meant having time to think. I hate thinking, it's not like it takes too much time or anything, but my thoughts always come back on home, what was going on at home, if my parents were going to be home when I got there and they normally were, what would they tell me. I really need to break my thoughts before something happens.
Finally the bell rang breaking me out of my thought process.
"Well since we have a few new students, I'm giving an assignment; you'll be partnered up as a set of two for easy assignments and in sets of three since we have thirty students."
Mrs. Dawes announced as she sat on her desk
Just what I need more people nagging about why I wear long sleeves all the time like it's any of their business. I looked down at my arm and tugged on the hem of my sleeve wanting to pass the time away by cutting, only I'm unable to, just one small flow of blood running down my sleeve would help so much right now. I inhaled deeply and then exhaled as I closed my eyes.
You're ok.
You're ok.
Everything's better.
Everything's ok.
I opened my eyes and let out a cold breath of air to see dark green eyes staring back at me.
I looked at my arm, my sleeve slightly raised out of anyone's view and a slight mark
placed on my wrist from my thumb nail.
"You must be Clare," The boy with the green eyes said. "I'm Eli, your partner."
"Clare." I responded softly.
"Good now that we got that out of the way how about we work on our assignment."
"What assignment? I wasn't paying attention."
Eli rolled his eyes he looked sort of mad at me for some reason. I guess I have that effect on people I get everyone mad at me some way or another.
"We have to write a short story about nothing in particular it has to be five hundred words minimum." He sighed.
"Mrs. Dawes why don't you just give us a topic rather than letting us choose one?" I asked.
"Because letting you choose one shows that you're working together"
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
"It's got to be something real, something that a lot of kids can relate to."
"Suicide?" I mumbled.
"Suicide? Not what I was thinking I don't really see a challenge in it."
"There's a challenge in everything whether or not you want to find it is in you, take living
for instance, what's the challenge in that? Dealing with everyday obstacles, Abuse, the challenge is overcoming it and learning to bear through it, drugs the challenge is stopping-"
"Ok I get it everything has a challenge, but if you're so smart what's the challenge in suicide?"
"Simple, how many people have died from it, what do the statistics show, what makes someone go to those extreme measures?" I asked.
"Fine we'll go with suicide." Eli said in defeat.
"Good because I bet morbidity is right up your alley." I stated after taking note in Eli's attire, which was all black.
Eli rolled his eyes.
"Do you know any statistics?"
"Every eighteen seconds someone in this world dies of a suicide attempt. Just think how many people die in this world as the clock ticks down till the end of the day."
"You're really morbid you know that?"
"Only when I want to be."
Eli looked at me his eyes fixated on me as I wrote I kept my left hand against my stomach as if I were afraid for anyone to notice. I looked at Eli through my bangs once in a while to see if he was staring or something and most of the time he wasn't. Once Eli and I wrote down our points of view we began to write the actual paper. To my surprise, it didn't take long to finish at all.
"Ok kids not that there's twenty minutes left of class and everyone knows their partners, I want you all to get in your groups of three."
Great. Just great I don't know who my new partners are.
"Hi, um I'm Adam. I'm going to be working with you and Eli."
I looked over to see a boy with a bright smile plastered on his face.
"I'm Clare."
I looked over to Eli who smiled at Adam like actually genuinely smiled. I remembered back to my childhood when my mom and dad used to smile at me like that and their faces would light up, but now when they smile at me it's like they're forcing themselves to.
"So, Clare have you attended another high school other than Degrassi?" Adam asked
"Nope just Degrassi."
"Oh, that's cool. Eli and I just transferred into this class." Adam stated.
"I only have Alli and she's only in about two of my classes." I said solemnly.
"Well now you have Eli and I." Adam chimed.
I smiled faintly at Adam, it was genuine, but faint I can't remember the last time I smiled genuinely at someone and I like how it feel.
"Wow you do smile" Eli chuckled.
"What you don't smile?" Adam said in shock
"Not until you came along." Eli stated.
"I don't smile much." I stated and I don't really smile. To me there's really no need to, but I like the way it feels to genuinely smile at someone.
"So Clare would you believe Eli once wore pink?" Adam stated
I giggled a little at the thought.
"Wow you giggle too?" Eli questioned, faking surprise; a smile on his face.
"Only because I couldn't help it, the image of you in pink Eli, is funny."
"Yea well I lost a bet."
"Must be some bet, so how long have you and Adam known each other?"
The two guys looked at each other for a little.
"A few years" Adam stated.
The bell rang and everyone left the room. It's off to art for me.
Once inside the class room I sat on the stool in front of my easel. Moments later the classroom filled up with students and the bell rang.
"Ok everyone take a stool and close your eyes."
I looked around and everyone's eyes were closed so I obeyed and closed mine.
"Imagine something that gives you peace and perspective along with a meaning… Now, open your eyes and begin."
The first thing that came to my mind was a storm. I took paint palette, put some, black, purple, blue, metallic silver, and other paint colors on it. I took my paint brush, closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly, cleared my mind of everything except my image and began to paint.
I let my hand do the movements over the canvas as I did my best to portray my storm.
After thirty to forty minutes, I had finished it finally and wrote my name on the back.
"Ok class the bell is going to ring soon it's time to clean up. I will go through your works of art please pick them up after school and explain why you decided to paint what you did."
I walked out and went to my next class leaving my painting behind.
...
I picked up my paining ten minutes before school ended because I had a sub last period and did nothing so I asked permission to leave early. When I was done getting my painting I left the art room and the bell rang.
"Clare"
I looked around and found Adam walking up to me. I smiled faintly.
"Oh hey Adam."
"What's that?"
"A painting I did for art"
"Cool do you mind if I see it?"
I was a little nervous showing off my artwork, but pushing the nervousness aside, I decided that it couldn't hurt, so I stopped by the lockers and showed Adam.
"Wow, this is really awesome."
"Thank you Adam." I responded. My lips curled up into a smile.
"Cool a painting of a storm. Who did you buy it from?" Eli asked, popping up out of nowhere.
"I painted it thank you very much." I said and stuck out my tongue. "I have to get to my locker, I'll talk to you guys later."
I started to walk to my locker, painting in hand.
"Clare!"
I turned around to see Eli.
"What is it Eli?"
"Why a storm?"
"What?"
"Why did you choose to paint a picture of a storm?"
"Well when asked to paint something that gave me peace, perspective, and had meaning I choose a storm."
"How do you get peace, perspective, and meaning from that, well I get the perspective part of it really, just not the peace."
"Well if you must know… I love storms there's something about them that makes me feel at peace, ease, even though they're dark and sometimes dangerous, the sun always comes out shedding beauty once again on this earth." Eli stared at me in slight awe, as if what I said actually amused him.
"I never looked at it that way."
"Not many people do. With all bad things good things follow, just like with all rainstorms light is soon to come."
I took out the books I needed for homework, inserted the books that I didn't need, and started to walk out of the school, meeting Alli outside. We started walking home, and I was talking to Alli on the way.
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