Sick
Vanessa reminisces about Ferb, and attempts to sort out her mixed feelings
It's sick, the way I jerk him around. I hate myself for it, but I just can't bring myself to chase him off. It's just so adorable, the way he admires me like I'm the sun. He doesn't deserve the heartbreak. And, to be perfectly honest, I don't want him to leave.
I lie in bed at night, wondering if he knows about Johnny, knows that I have a boyfriend. I'm fairly certain he does, and yet—it doesn't stop him from mooning over me. The sheer guilt I feel about him being so infatuated with me is enough for me to reconsider my relationship—over and over again. Perhaps he deserves at least a pity date, right?
But every time I think about it, reality comes crashing down. He's ten. I'm sixteen. The age gap is too big.
And yet, I cannot help but think about the possibilities. What if he were a few years older? Fourteen, at the least? Then it wouldn't be so bad. We could be together. I like to imagine how he'll look, with another foot or so of height to him, and that cute British face maturing into handsome looks. His hair will always be green in my mind, because I simply cannot see it any other way. As far as I am concerned, it's natural, and it looks fantastic on him.
There I go again! Talking about me and him as if it's a possibility! It's not; not yet, anyways. Maybe in ten years, when people start getting married and stop caring about age differences, we can have something. If I haven't married Johnny, or Ferb hasn't run off with some other girl.
The very thought of him with another girl sends my stomach in turmoil. Immediately, I grow angry at myself. Am I that selfish? Do I really pine for his attention more than that of my own boyfriend's?
My heart sinks as I realize the answer to that is yes, I most certainly do.
With a sigh, I pick up the phone and dial the number I've known since I was four. "Lacey?" I say, rubbing my eyes. "I've got boy problems."
I tell her everything, from Johnny to Ferb and back again. She listens patiently, not judging, just like every best friend should. When I finish, she's silent, and I wait with bated breath for her solution.
"Well," she begins, "you definitely have boy problems. Do you still feel something for Johnny?"
"I don't know," I moan. I roll over to my stomach on the bed. "It's just so confusing. I mean, he's ten. It's like, a criminal offense for me to have feelings for someone that young."
I can practically hear Lacey shaking her head. "You can't control your heart."
I snort. "When did you turn into a romance novel?" I ask her.
"When you started needing one," she retorts. "Look, you want my advice? Take a break from Johnny, and sort yourself out. My uncle has this awesome ski resort spa thing that we can go to for a week or two. We'll talk it all out. Sound good?"
With a smile, I say, "Sounds awesome." A bang from down the hall reminds me. "Lacey, I'm gonna have to call you back," I say with a frown.
"Ask him before you bust him, so that he won't have any reason to say no," Lacey instructs me, and she hangs up.
I click the phone off and troop out into the hall. "Dad, what are you doing?" I call, sincerely hoping for something bust-worthy. I need this distraction.
*AN: Me no likey the ending. It was hard to do, especially with the writing in present tense. I've never done it before, so this was all practice. Of course, after I wrote this, I got back to my Pokemon story and couldn't write in past tense.
This was from my oneshot spew streak. Lots of Ferbessa came out of it, but only two were worth publishing. Thank you all for reading and reviewing and making my day!*
