Disclaimer: The characters in this story aren't mine; they belong to the makers of the soap Days Of Our Lives. I have altered Jennifer's name slightly because she's married to Peter, though not by choice. She thinks of herself as Jennifer Horton Devereux.
Note: This won't be particularly long, maybe one more chapter, or two. I just wanted to paint a little picture of what might've happened if Peter had managed to take Jennifer after all (I am Australian, and what's more I am West Australian, so we are very behind with the Days of our Lives plotlines. *g*).
No Island Paradise
Tropical Misery
Jennifer Horton Blake leaned against the banister on the deck of her eastern wing, closing her eyes briefly to enjoy the feel of a soft breeze on her skin. It reminded her of a night long ago, when she and Jack had stood together on a deck much like this one, entwined in one another's arms. Yes, there were similarities between then and now, but all in all that night in the past was a world away. So far away she often found herself wondering if it had ever really happened at all, or had merely been her imagination.
Once upon a time she might have wept on a day like this, an anniversary that meant nothing to her captor but everything to her. But those days were long gone, the days where she would allow herself to break down for him to see. She had long since learned to keep her sorrow to herself, for usually she would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her show any emotions, even negative ones. Sometimes strange moods took her, where she wanted him to see how much agony she was in, but only rarely.
She had grown sadly accustomed to her existence here on the island, in Peter's secret hideaway – what was worse was that she had grown resigned to the fact that she would be here forever. She had held out hope for quite some time in the beginning, either of escape or rescue. Yet she had learned in the end just how isolated she and Abby were out here. Nobody would rescue her, and reunite her with her beloved family. All she had was Abby, and the little girl had become her only link to sanity. Abby meant the world to her, and it had required Peter's dastardly act of abduction to make her realise just how much.
The little girl was nearly eight years old by now – her real father had missed her previous three birthdays, an intolerable fact that Jennifer tried to ignore most of the time. Abby was growing into a marvellously beautiful woman, though there were still a few years yet before she became too weighed down with the burdens of womanhood. Those burdens would be all the more great here on the island.
In this hideaway, she'll never know what it is like to be a woman in the real world, Jennifer mourned silently, maintaining an emotionless mask even as she wailed inwardly. She'll never go on a date, or to a school prom, or get married. Thanks to Peter, Abby will spend her life here, and by the time that monster finally dies it will be too late for her to start over anywhere else. We are his prisoners, and he doesn't care how much we hurt.
When she didn't feel as if she were drowning in silent sorrow, Jennifer felt like she was burning up with rage. She had never hated someone as much as she hated Peter Blake, who had not only torn her from the hub of her family, ending her career as a television personality and investigative reporter, but had also forced her into marriage by drugging her. Officially she was, according to local custom, Mrs Peter Blake, but she always thought of herself as Jennifer Horton Devereux.
The hatred she felt for Peter was quite indescribable, and yet it only did damage to her – Peter didn't seem affected by it in the least. It was more that he didn't even recognise it, Jennifer supposed. He didn't yet realise that she not only did not love him and never would, but also quite despised him. The Dimeras had always had a tough time comprehending the fact that sometimes people could not be manipulated or forced into loving them. Peter was no exception, and he clung onto his hope with infuriating and frightening tenacity. She had only realised during her time with him on the island just how insane and deluded he really was.
Sometimes she found herself hoping he would wake up to reality and would give up his quest to win her over, returning her to her former existence in the United States. But she only indulged in such daydreams in her moments of weakness, when she forgot to be strong for her daughter. Those moments came more and more rarely as time went on. Most of her time was spent with her daughter, or staring blankly at the walls.
Speaking of walls, she felt claustrophobic even out here in the open, as if thick windowless walls were closing in around her steadily. She gulped in some air, inhaling deeply, and closed her eyes again before slowly exhaling. It was supposed to be a calming exercise, but sometimes it didn't work, and she was left literally choking. It worked this time, and she placed a hand to her chest as she turned to go back inside. In spite of her brain-deadening existence here on the island, with no stimulating projects to sink her teeth into, she tried to make herself believe she had important things to do.
* * *
Dinner that evening was the usual quietly strained affair. Jennifer hoped, as she always did, that Abby didn't pick up on too much of the undercurrents. People always assumed children were relatively unaware, but not so long ago Jennifer herself had been a child, and she remembered even now the feeling of being underestimated by adults. She remembered, and acted accordingly with Abby, assuming the girl was not completely naïve.
It had taken almost a year for Jennifer to ignore her bitterness enough to let Peter make small talk with Abby. Of course she was very careful at all times about how much time she let him spend with the girl, and she always reminded Abby of her real father, Jack, and what a wonderful – if infuriating – man he had been. She didn't want Abby influenced in any way by the Dimera curse, and if Peter ever did anything to hurt or corrupt her daughter, she would kill him with her bare hands. But Abby, stranded here on this island away from all that she had known, deserved to be spared some of the misery her mother lived with at all moments of the day. If she had to hide her own utter abhorrence of Peter Blake for her daughter's sake, then she would do so.
"What would you like for dessert tonight, Abby?" Peter asked, leaning forward on the table and peering intently at the little girl. He smiled, and Jennifer knew that in his own twisted way, he did love the little girl – as he "loved" Jennifer. The problem with Dimera love was that it was always selfish, where Jennifer had grown up knowing the selfless kind of love her family and good friends gave her. That was the kind of love the Dimeras had never known.
The closest Peter and his sister Kristen, who while named Blake were Dimeras at heart, had come to that pure kind of love had been with their respective spouses. Kristen had had a great gift in John, until she ruined it with her schemes and lies, while Jennifer had been Peter's redeemer, until his true nature had been exposed. For both Blake children, even those brief tastes of real love had not been enough in the long run – both Peter and Kristen had proven themselves to be rotten to the core. Since those days, and since the start of her existence here on the island, Jennifer had come to believe nothing could ever change them. They were what they were, and the world had to accept it, as did she. She just wished it were easier for her.
Perhaps it would be, if she weren't a prisoner here, separated eternally from all but one of those she loved. In a way she was glad Abby was here with her, but only for her own sake – if she could choose, she would send Abby back to her father and other family in Salem in an instant, so that the girl might have a normal life. Even a life without one's mother was better than the isolated life Abby led here, wasn't it? If Jennifer ever got the chance to send Abby away, she would do it.
Watching Peter now, getting too much enjoyment for her liking out of the current situation, Jennifer could still not believe some of the things he had done in the past while trying to keep her love. All his efforts had been geared towards making her see him as something he could never be – a good man with a good heart. He had tried to make her resent Jack for warning her off him, and worst of all had purposefully made her mother Laura look mentally unstable – had actually risked her mother's health! – to counteract the older woman's claims of Dimera-style deception. It was these two things that plagued Jennifer most these days. She had wasted so much time with Peter, time that could've been spent with Jack, and now it was too late for her. If only she could turn back time.
Time could not be manipulated anymore than a Dimera could be found to be acting in anyone's interests but his or her own. Both of those things were just rules of nature.
Peter leaned across the table, bringing his head closer to Jennifer's, and murmured softly, "After dessert, you and I will go for a walk. It's really beautiful out there, Jenn. You'll love it." He watched her for a moment, and then added, "I want to talk to you alone."
She merely stared at him for a moment before glancing at Abby. She hadn't realised that dessert had arrived. Before her sat a small bowl full of chocolate pudding and ice cream. She ignored it and smiled at Abby, who smiled back excitedly. Chocolate pudding was this week's favourite – Jennifer wondered glumly what next week's choice would be.
