"So this is where you planned to do it?"
The question almost caught Shane off guard, though he had sensed Rick had known from how he had acted. Standing stock still, his head hung low, Rick had casually holstered his gun in an act of what seemed like resignation. Fuckin' Rick; even now he takes the morale high ground.
"As good a place as any…" Shane replied blankly. His breath rose up in clouds of fog as he said it, and, crazy as he had become, he had to admire the atmospheric nature of it all.
Shane was crazy. He realised that now; hell, he felt like he should have realised it a long time ago. Crazy over Lori, crazy over Carl, crazy over their unborn son. But the simple fact of the matter was, he was crazy, full stop. It had taken his fight with Rick to understand that. Rick, in spite of everything, had come back for him. HIM. The Judas who had just tried to kill the stupid son of a bitch with a wrench.
"…At least have the balls to call this what it is." Rick stated flatly. Shane cocked his gun. "Murder. You really believe if you walk back on to that farm alone, no me, no Randall,"
"Shut up, just sh-" Shane began, watching closely as Rick strafed around.
"You really believe they'll buy whatever bullshit story you cook up?" Rick finished, his voice cracking slightly.
You don't know the half of it, officer Friendly.
"Say it ain't no story. I saw that prisoner shoot you down." Shane had to call him 'that prisoner'; it was the only way he could live with it. "I ran after him. I snapped his neck. It ain't gonna be easy, but Lori and Carl, they'll get over you. They done it before. They're just gonna have to."
Shane felt cruel to say it like that, to put it so bluntly, but it was the only way. He could feel the sting in his own words, but also the lies; Lori and Carl wouldn't get over it. Carl definitely wouldn't, at least. Nothing Shane could do could help them, even if he wrote the best bullshit in the whole damn world. Come on, Rick. Snap. Become like me. But better than me.
Rick didn't make any action. Fighting all the impulses of his conscience and heart, he aimed the gun at the head of his best friend. Come on, you son of a bitch, do it. Show me you can do what needs to be done.
"WHY?" Rick asked. The question hurt. If only you knew. "Why now? I thought we worked this all out."
"We tried to kill each other, man!" Shane laughed in spite of himself. This all seemed so ridiculous. Rick Grimes and Shane Walsh. Two best friends, at war. Christ, they'd fallen out when they were kids, but who thought it would end like this? "You think we're just gonna riiiide off into the sunset together?"
"You gonna kill me in cold blood?" Rick countered. "Screw my wife, have my children; MY CHILDREN call you daddy?"
The gun shook in Shane's hands. Rick continued to talk, but Shane was trying to focus on the façade. He had to focus. Rick was trying to talk him down; good guy Rick. His best friend pulls a gun on him, tries to murder him in cold blood, and he's still being the fucking good guy. This ain't how the world works now, Rick. You realised that in that bar, Glenn told me about it. Do what needs to be done.
"…You won't be able to live with this."
"Whatchu know about what I can live with!" Shane snarled, bringing the gun back to his side. "You got no idea what I can live with, What I live with!" Memories of Otis came streaming back to him. The man he had scarificed for his own selfish needs. Tricking Randall into thinking he was free, only to snap his neck. That night with Lori at the CDC… he could still feel that scratch... could still feel that shame.
"How about what you can do?" Shane goaded him. This ain't working, time for another approach. He holstered his gun and raised his arms. "Here I am. Come on, man, Where's your gun?"
Rick shook his head, and steadfastly refused.
"What happened Rick, thought you weren't the good guy anymore?" Rick was really starting to piss him off now. Shane still remembered the last time they'd fallen out, before the Walkers; back in high school, when Rick had took the piss out of him for liking Vanilla Ice.
"It ain't cool man, don't let anybody know that." Rick had told him outside the gates. He'd been right about that too.
"Right here right now, you ain't gonna fight for her? I'm a better father than you Rick." Time to break out the big guns. Shane wasn't thinking about what he said after that, but he knew he'd led onto Lori. Sweet Lori. Despite everything he had seen in those first few days, she had given him hope. Hope after he had left his best friend in that hospital bed. Hope that there could still be a brighter future, that he could redeem himself by looking after Lori and Carl. Not to mention, she had made him feel love, in a place where such a thing had seemed impossible to even comprehend any more. But then Rick had come back…
"You come back here and you just DESTROY everything!" He shouted in fury. It was true. The moment Rick had come back, he'd destroyed everything Shane had been holding onto. Rick had taken Lori back from him, taken Carl back… and above all else, he'd taken his chance for redemption away from him. Shane had been left with nothing; not a single goal, not a single ounce of purpose. So he'd clung to the only thing he could still have. Lori.
But she'd broken him. She'd broken everything about him. Everything that was good in him, she'd slaughtered in one fell swoop. Bitch. No. Don't blame her. Not Lori. Rick. Rick did it.
Suddenly, Shane almost forgot his whole plan. He wanted to kill this fucker. "You've got a weak boy." He finished. "You ain't got the first clue how to fix it."
Rick just stood there, and silently judged him. Stubborn asshole.
"Raise your gun." Shane commanded, raising his own in response. Please, before I kill you instead.
"You're gonna have to kill an unarmed man." Rick merely said, and raised his arms. He then reached slowly for his gun, feigning surrender.
This is it. Do it. Shane could practically hear the cogs turning in Rick's head, as he stretched out the arm with the gun. He's gonna do it. Any second now, he's going to quickly grasp it and fire. Shane wondered whether it would hurt, and that small wonder rallied back up his survival instinct. It took every remaining ounce of his mental strength to not simply shoot Rick there and then.
"Nothing has happened here." Rick was saying, though it reached Shane only through a swirling bubble of rage and confusion. He was saying something about them going back to the farm, together. Part of Shane wanted that, but part of him knew that there was no choice. Just do it, asshole. We both know you're going to.
"Back to Lori. Back to Carl." Rick began to hand Shane his gun. "Put this all behind us."
Wait; Rick wasn't actually going to do it? Shane was confused, he'd felt sure that was it. Thoughts began to resurface in the forefront of Shane's head, viciously bubbling away at his subconscious. What if Rick was right? Maybe it didn't have to end this way. Could he still come back from this?
Maybe that could be his objective in this new, sorrowful life; to overcome his instability. As he thought this, a smile formed on his lips. That would work. His breathing had become heavy, and Shane started to slowly take Rick's gun, in its role as a peace offering.
It didn't last, however. Rick made a sudden and sharp movement, and Shane felt something icy cold slip between his ribs, into his heart. He was pushed to the floor, and a loud crack resounded in the field as the gun was inadvertently triggered. He looked between his chest to Rick in confusion, the realisation finally dawning on him.
Rick had done it. He had freed Shane from his husk of an existence. He had done what needed to be done. It was over, and above all, the deed was done; The group was safe.
"DAMN YOU FOR MAKING ME DO THIS SHANE." Rick was crying. "This was you, not me!"
Yes, Shane thought to himself, as he lay there gasping for air. He could almost smile, despite the pain. It was.
As with most things, I love the Walking Dead as a series, and this was an absolute blast to do! Hope you enjoyed it - feel free to leave a review!
The main barrier with this is that one has to be of the belief that Shane still had enough sanity to know that he was going crazy. Which conflicts with the whole 'Crazy people don't know they're going crazy', but... let's take some liberties, here ;)
Note: I re-used most of the actual dialogue from the episode, and would like to state that they are property of their respective owners, as too are the characters.
...and, in case you were wondering, this is indeed based on the 'Alternate Ending that Jon Bernthal himself thought up for the confrontation [See his interview at Phoenix Comicon 2012 for more info :)]. So props to him for the idea, and for such a brilliant performance.
Note; Bit of shameless self-advertisement here, but if you remotely enjoyed this work, please check out my title 'Ex Vita Abire' by 'L.J Skarpe' on the Kindle store. It would be really helpful if you could, and I'd love you forever and what-not ^_^
