A.N. Slightly AU, for a prompt about asexuality.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters.


The sun is reflecting off of you. It makes you light up, bright like a Christmas tree but it also casts shadows. Your cheek is dark, long lines of shadow from your eyelashes pushing the lightness away. I want to stay and watch you forever, I don't think you realise how beautiful you are, but your eyes blink open and your eyes, one light brown filled with sunlight and one black in shadows make my chest feel funny. You're good at that, making me feel funny, and I let the feeling spread as your smile does, like honey across hot toast. You're twice as yummy.

Your arms tense as you rise up to me. I'm too busy watching the way the sun moves across your arms, how the shadows group in between your muscles. I wonder how the light knows where to move, how it doesn't get lost in the dips in your shoulder, the curve of your neck, the hollow in your cheek like I always seem to. I just want to remember all of you, not just where the light wants to dance.

Your mouth finds mine while I'm watching your skin; I flinch, but not much. We've done this lots now, I know it's different with you; I can enjoy it when I remember it's you. It's simple at first, just your lips and your warmth and your presence but soon you're moving faster against me, your tongue coming up and brushing against my lips. I forget, for a second. I flinch, a big one this time and it separates us. I watch as your dark eyes slowly focus on mine again. It's early and you take a minute to figure out what just happened.

"I'm sorry, Britt," you say and your voice is gravelly; sometimes I forget that it's still early for you when I've been watching the way your skin moves gently in your sleep for so long. "I didn't mean to."

I smile and lean down to you. It's easier for me when I start it and this time when your lips hit mine it's harder. Not as hard as at the end but harder than when you had first pressed against me. You taste like honey and it reminds me it's just you. I breathe into you and tentatively let my tongue touch yours.

I guess I like the feel of your mouth, your taste but more than anything I like watching how it makes you feel. It's odd, I can't imagine feeling so good from that, I feel more when your fingers are running gently up my spine, through my hair, but your reactions are just as beautiful as the rest of you and I keep my eyes open as my tongue brushes against yours. My hands slide against where the sunlight is dancing off your hip and when my cool fingers brush the skin there you sigh into me. The sound is soft and pretty like you and I decide I like it. I keep my fingers running up and down, just wanting to feel you real under me, feel you close to me.

Slowly I draw back until it's just my lips against yours. I like making you happy, I would do anything but it's early and kissing takes effort to keep reminding myself that it's okay because it's you and that I can just enjoy the you part of it without getting in trouble for not liking the kissing part. My hands are still on skin and the softness makes me smile against your lips. You smile in response and it's enough to hide the glimmer of annoyance that usually flits across your face when I pull away after a few minutes. You hide it well a lot of the time but I still feel it like needles against my skin.

It's just my forehead against yours now, my hands slowing but never moving away from your sides. I feel you fidget against me and I have to duck my head, just for a second to hide the bad feeling. Bad like I can't give you what you want, bad like I wish I could give you the world but I don't want you to go away like everybody else does.

You know. Of course you know and your hands move through my hair, nails gently running against my head and warming me up, chasing away the bad feeling. You're good at so many things San, but warming me up after the bad feelings come is number two, and loving me is number one.