I just had to write this. It's all my PE class's fault. We're doing dancing and we just learned a new dance... to the song in qts here. Running through my mind were these sexy boys singing this sexy song... *sigh*. So here's the next best thing.

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No Said Wufei.

"I'm too sexy"

A song fic/parody by Lady Lye

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Our scene: Duo has dragged the GW pilots into a karoke bar. They've just left some stupid school dance at Relena's school, and so they're all dressed up... sorta. They've loosened their ties and stuff. (AN:DROOL. I love that look...) Duo is impaitiently waiting his turn while some guy who can't sing flays the life out of "I will Survive". Luckily, there is alchohol here. The other pilots are seriously considering getting sloshed so they won't have to listen to Duo sing.

"Why did you bring us here again, Duo?" Trowa sighed, looking at the little drinks menu on the table. Hmmm... that red one looked like it could take down an elephant... maybe it would also keep out the terrible voice they just KNEW Duo would have. Only people who couldn't sing liked karoke.

"Because it's FUN," Duo exclaimed, trying to convince them and not succeeding at all. "And besides, I want to meet some chicks."

"We have a mission, Maxwell," Wufei said angrily. He was trying to hide behind a plant- warriors did not make fools of themselves by singing oldies off-key in karoke bars.

"Oh, lighten up, Wufei," Duo scolded. "It's all in the name of fun. And girls."

"Because you're so likely to meet a bunch of girls HERE," Trowa gestured at the rather empty room.

"Your terrible singing will scare them away, Maxwell," Wufei said to be mean.

"That's mean, Wufei," Quatre said weakly. He was feeling kind of ill- he didn't like being on stage, but he knew he was weak enough that Duo would probably pull him up. He asked the waitress for something really strong to drink. Maybe it would calm his nerves. He downed it all and asked for another when she brought it.

"I happen to have a lovely singing voice!" Duo exclaimed.

"Um, of course you do," the three of them nodded and smiled.

"When have you ever heard me sing, huh?"

"Well..."

"How does this work again, Duo?" Heero was looking at a list of songs they could sing.

"You pick a song and then they play a recording without the main vocals," Duo explained.

"And they do this...?"

"Oh, well you have to sing the lyrics," Duo said happily.

"You're not seriously expecting US to do that, are you?" Heero stared at him in disbelief and horror.

"Aw, it'll be fun!" Duo said slapping him heartily on the back, not quite answering the question.

"Someone shoot that guy..." Quatre begged, putting his hands over his ears. The guy onstage was really lousy. He also seemed pretty drunk. The pilots looked longingly at the bar.

BANG.

"Thanks Heero!" Duo said cheerfully.

"Anytime."

Duo happily went up for his turn.

"I wonder what he's going to sing," Trowa cringed.

Duo spoke quickly with the guys running the place. The lights on the little platform darkened. Duo's whisper came from it.

"I'm too sexy for my gundam, too sexy for my gundam,
gundam's gonna kill 'em

i'm too sexy for my braid, too sexy for my braid,
so sexy it pays,"

The lights had came up. Duo was up there singing. The GW pilots jaws DROPPED. He had mentioned gundam! They were doomed! He was a good singer! This song was cool! They were doomed!

"I'm too sexy for my colony, too sexy for my colony,
earth and the sun,"

People started coming in from the streets- that guy WAS sexy!

"Hey, where's Quatre?" Trowa looked around.

"I'm too sexy for my money, too sexy for my money
No way I'm going there-" Quatre had taken the mic. He was cute!

Jaws on floor.

"Aw, Hell," Heero and Trowa looked at each other. They called over the waitress and both downed big shot glasses.

Duo and Quatre continued.

"I'm a pilot, you know what I mean,
And i do my little turn on the catwalk,
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah,
I do my little turn on the catwalk."

There was a REALLY big crowd now. Wufei was watching the stage in horror. Disgrace! Injustice! Lots and lots of girls were watching now. Wufei, too, turned to the waitress and ordered something strong.

"I'm too sexy for my bangs, too sexy for my bangs," Trowa took the mic.
"Too sexy to hang." Screams from the crowd... ooh he WAS sexy!

"I'm too sexy for my gundam, too sexy for my gundam,
gundam's gonna kill 'em,"

They all sang this and the chorus, except Heero, who was hanging to the back. Not afraid, but waiting...
He would have been nervous if he had seen Relena and her friends entering...

"I'm a pilot, you know what I mean,
And I do my little turn on the catwalk.
Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah,
I shake my little touche on the catwalk."

Heero came forth. The girls in the crowd started screaming. Now HE was sexy!

"I'm too sexy for my- too sexy for my- too sexy for my-"
he knew EXACTLY how to play this crowd. Big smile, that "Prince of the Star" twinkle in his eye... they were going wild.
"Cos I'm a Pilot, you know what I mean," ooh, yes they did...
"and I do my little turn on the catwalk,
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah,
I shake my little touche on the catwalk," They were out of their minds with screaming now. Heero had slowly started to unbutton the top of his shirt and take off his tie. He was enjoying himself. (AN: don't worry... no stripping. Heero just knows how to work a crowd.)

"I'm too sexy for my stalker, too sexy for my stalker,
poor, poor, missy stalker..." (AN: I did mention he had been drinking? Maybe he HAS seen Relena...)
"I'm too sexy for my gundam, too sexy for my gundam,
gundam's gonna kill 'em"

They all took the chorus.

"Relena aren't those-?"

"Heero..." love.

Wufei came on stage. He, too, had been drinking. Alot in the last few minutes as he watched his fellow pilots disgrace themselves.

"I'm too sexy for Nataku-"
the song ended. Wufei pulled himself up short, sober again. "NO! I didn't mean that! No! Nataku!"

Duo collapsed in laughter, then was nearly pulled apart by the frantic, hormonal crowd. "WOAH!" he pushed himself backward, sliding on the platform. "Ok, we can go now."

The platform started to shake, and girls were reaching up to the five pilots. Wufei had fallen to his knees in disgrace. Heero, Trowa and Quatre backed up a bit, assessing the situation.

"Hormonal girls,"

"That's your fault, Heero! You set them off like that!" Duo accused.

"Shaky platform,"

"All exits blocked."

"On three," Heero said. They nodded. Trowa picked up the wimpering Wufei. Duo stood and joined them. "One. Two..." The platform was rocking now.

"Heero!" Relena tried to reach him through the crowd. He didn't hear her. Her scream mixed into the roar of the crowd.

"Three!" They jumped up and latched onto the warehouse-style ceiling, Trowa swinging Wufei up, who hit his head, bringing him out of his self-blaming trance.

"Ow! Dammit, Barton!"

"Ooh, look! A real catwalk!" Duo laughed while they stood on the shaky thing.

"Nevermind that- let's go!" Heero commanded. They ran along the catwalk and made it outside, jumping into the car they had come in. (belonging to Quatre, who else.).

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The next day, at school.

Relena kept an eye out for Heero and Quatre. She saw them standing in the shade of the building, both looking as though they were in pain. She went over to them. "Hi," she said casually,

"Not so loud..." Quatre pleaded, clutching his head.

"I have never had such a hangover when I could still remember exactly what happened the night before..." Heero muttered visciously. "I'll kill Duo."

"I'll help."

"If it helps, I thought you were all very sexy," Relena said, kissing them both on the cheek. She casually rejoined her friends.

"Aw, shit."

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I'm a pilot, you know what I mean,
And I do my little turn on the catwalk.
Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yeah,
I shake my little touche on the catwalk.

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Ok, I think there's some copyright crap in there... but that's ok cuz Right Said Fredd was a one-hit wonder.

NOTE: I don't personally hate Relena, but I needed a joke. So sue me.

Mmmm... sexy GW pilots...

Want more? I have other song fics too... not all about sexy GW boys but hey...

Love it? Hate it? Go ahead & just comment on how mentally deranged I am. But give me frikkin feedback!

-Lady Lye