Congratulations, you've clicked on "Seddie Love Songs" and it's a good thing you did. You're in for some one-shots about Sam and Freddie, based on the lyrics of popular love songs. This chapter is based on the song "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri (lyrics: .) I have taken a different look on this song and have interpreted the meaning of 'jar of hearts' as something a little different. Sorry if you don't like how I made Freddie for the story, but it had to fit the song. Enjoy the chapter and don't forget to leave a review! Feel free to leave the names of love songs you'd like to see me write about.
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. Just kidding, I do! Yes, I am Dan Schneider and I write Seddie fanfiction in my spare time. Alright, I'm a pathetic liar, don't sue me!
Love. Such a stupid concept, such a stupid word, such a stupid feeling.
I hate whoever came up with this whole love thing. Don't they know how much it hurts? It's not the extreme joy that you feel when you're with that person. It's the pain that you feel after you realize that person isn't what you expected and the numbness that comes after.
Carly says I just had a bad experience. That's because she lives in a land of fairytales and gumdrops. I live in reality, that's the difference. I know how love gets broken down into nothingness- it happened to my parents back when I was five. Yes, they were 'in love'-that happy period where nothing else matters. Then my dad left. Up, out of the blue, he didn't come back. That left my poor mother, who actually had a chance to be something great, alone and heartbroken. Now she's a mess. A bikini wearing mess dating one guy after the next to fill the void that my father left.
That's how I know what love is all about. So why was I so stupid to fall in love? But the real question is, how could I let myself fall in love with you of all people? Was it that goofy grin that you always wore when you came past my locker? Your almost too in depth knowledge of everything techy, that secretly made me smile? Your way of knowing when I was upset, even though I masked it so well? Maybe it was a combination. Maybe was just teenage feelings. But I did fall in love and it was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made.
It all started with that stupid kiss—I wish I could forget it entirely. The cool spring night on the fire escape, that song playing in the background, the wind through my hair, and the awkward conversations before and after. For a first kiss, it was pretty good. You know how in all those movies and sappy romantic TV shows they talk about 'fireworks' and 'sparks'? Well, I actually felt it that first time. Not that I was going to admit any feelings for you then. You were still the nerd that I enjoyed terrorizing on a daily basis. That is until junior year at the lock in…
But that was Carly's fault, or I blamed Carly for it. She had to go and try setting me up with Brad- she imagined this perfect picture of us as boyfriend and girlfriend. Him making fudge for me and keeping me in line, and I becoming a nice, good girl. Too bad Brad wasn't my type. Too bad after all of this you had to come out to comfort me and talk to me about the 'l' word. Too bad I just felt the need to kiss you, to feel those fireworks again, to feel safe.
We started dating after that, naturally. You said you've liked me this whole time too and I believed you. Finally, someone choosing me, me of all people over someone like Carly. You're one special girl, Puckett, you said to me, I'll never leave you, I promise. I was your girl now, and I liked it. Every second we spent together, whether it be on the fire escape that we dubbed ours, or the Groovy Smoothie seeing who could chug their smoothie the fastest. You were possibly the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I just felt this overwhelming sense of complete and utter happiness wash over me whenever I saw you. That's what love is about, right? That's what love is supposed to be? Something unbroken and invisible. Fragile yet beautiful. Then why does love come with such a horrible ending? Why does love always mean heartbreak?
It happened the summer before college. I was staying in Seattle and you were heading off to California. I knew we could make it work; in my head it would all be perfect. You said it could work too. You said you'd never, ever forget me and I'd be in your thoughts every second. When you left, I was positive that you were telling the truth and that we'd never loose touch. I emailed you, left messages, and texted non stop. After a few months, you stopped responding. What if I was just a forgotten image of high school, now that you were living it up in college? I imagined the worse case scenarios, but then remembered that you promised you'd never do that. Still I was paranoid- as many girlfriends become- so I drove down to your college to talk to you.
All those worse case scenarios that I pictured couldn't even compare to what I saw when I walked into you dorm room. What I saw was you, sitting on the bed, making out with another girl. It's' not what it looks like! You claimed, Come back here, let me explain. No explaining necessary, I saw what I saw. I left the dorm room in a hurry, tears welling up, anger and rage pulsing through my veins, embarrassment shrouding me.
On the way out, a girl asked me if I had come from yourroom. Yes, I responded. And she told me the story. About how he would date one girl, then another, then another, maybe even at the same time. A heartbreaker, a player, a cold hearted soul, she called you. I couldn't help but agree. But, what happened to the guy that I knew since middle school? The nerd, the shy, quiet kid across the hall, the defenseless, honest boy that left me behind in Seattle? Obviously college had changed you.
He's asking about you, Carly told me a few weeks after. Too bad I didn't want to see your face ever again. How could you do this to me? I thought I was in love. But love doesn't exist, I concluded. It's just made up. People just think they're in love, but there is no such thing. If there is love, then why am I feeling this awful feeling? Talk to him at least. Not a chance. He says he's sorry. No amount of sorries can fix this. Sam, answer me!
Sam answer me! I hear again today. This time Carly isn't saying it. Sam, turn around. No, I don't want to see you ever again. Don't you see, I'm trying to leave you! That's why I'm here. Don't follow me, I'm free from you now. I can't take one more step towards you or else I know I'll regret it forever. Sam! You grab my shoulder and turn me around. I divert my gaze, worried that if I look into those brown eyes again, then maybe I'll feel something again. But it's been awhile and I've trained myself not to fall in love again. I'm stronger now, so I take a chance.
Sam, I want you back. Not going to happen. I made a mistake. Not believing you. I just want to talk to you. Not going to fall for that again. Don't leave me. I shake my head no, not saying a word, then take my suitcase and walk into the terminal. I can see planes taking off and arriving through the big windows. I know I'll be getting on one of them soon. I walk down the aisle, knowing that you're standing behind me, but I don't dare look back. That was my old life and now I'd be jetting off to who knows where to escape that. That is my plan after all.
Here I am now, writing this on a plane to I'm-not-telling-you-where, looking back on our relationship. So good in high school, then so wrong after. You should look back on it too. Lying and cheating doesn't help any one, maybe obvious already, but more true than ever now. You can't win like that. You should be happy that I'm not holding a grudge (okay, I am, but I'm never coming back into your life to haunt you again, after this at least). Go out on your own and find love, if it does exist. Maybe I'll have to see if it does. The world is a big place and I haven't explored most of it yet.
Here's one thing you can do now, though: Collect your jar of hearts- all those girls that you've dated, the ones that you called unique and special, including me- and throw it away. Go on, do it. Clear your head. Get your mind off of this whole thing and move on. You have my wishes and you have the rest of your life left to live. Don't let this bring you down.
I have the rest of my life left, too. I'll be forgetting this as well and throwing out my jar of hearts- although it only has one heart in it- and welcome the next faze in my life, full of travel and the quest for love. Maybe we'll see each other in the future, and maybe these will be the last words you'll ever hear from me, but all I know is that I'll never forget you.
Don't worry about me for the time being. I'll be just fine.
Love,
Sam
