Wow. I've had quite a bit of inspiration recently. Maybe I'll eventually finish my other fics. These ideas just won't seem to leave me alone. This is once again light Lucy/Tumnus and probably a bit AU. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Memories

I never thought a wardrobe would bring me into another world, especially one as wonderful as Narnia. It had been so magical the first time I saw the snow-covered land of Lantern Waste. I could feel the promise of adventure all around me. The earth was almost buzzing with it. It was in every snowflake, every tree branch, and every piece of buried dirt. I could barely contain my childish excitement. I wish I had known then that I could never stay in Narnia.

I don't feel any regret for the years I spent there. There's probably more sadness than anything in my memories coupled with the longing to know what might have been. I dare say I could have spent the rest of my days there and never wanted for anything more than to walk in the calming woods. There's no peace like that in England. There can't be.

People here don't realize the beauty of the world around them. They don't see how perfect life can really be. They only rush through their own lives trying to find beauty. Sometimes I want to shout that it's all around us. It fills every corner and crevice of our simple lives. Every being in Narnia seemed to already know that. I never needed to shout it for them.

Out of my brothers and sister, I seem to be the one who really sees the world. They enjoy it, yes, but I live in it. I feel the earth around me. I know the emotions that it's feeling. There can be such anger and pain, yet there can also be happiness and rejoicing. Sometimes the earth trembles it is so overcome with feeling. I wish I could share it with them.

In Narnia, they sometimes felt as I felt. It was very rare, and more often than not, they were the ones baffled as I basked in living. My life blended with the lives around me, whether it was human, being, beast, or nature. I felt connected to them all. Their souls called to me, and mine in turn called back. It was like a song, rising and falling with the sun. I had never been so happy as I was there. It was always an adventure. Sometimes even a leisurely picnic could turn into an exciting afternoon, especially if Mr. Tumnus was with me.

In fact, it was Mr. Tumnus who first told me the story of the white stag. It was one afternoon long after I had stopped using the mister around him. For some reason, we had been talking about wishing. A little gleam had appeared in his brown eyes, and he began a story about a lovely white stag that was impossible to catch. If caught, however, you were granted a wish. I can remember my excitement at hearing the story and told my brothers and sister immediately. I often wonder if Tumnus knew the stag would ultimately take me away.

I suppose I miss Tumnus more than anything else in Narnia. He was my first friend, my first everything. He was always the constant part of my life. When something went wrong, or my family drifted apart slightly, he stood beside me. I never laughed harder around anyone else, and never loved more.

I dream about him sometimes, and when it's a particularly starry night, I can hear his music and lilting laugh drifting through the heavens toward me. Those are the only moments when I feel alive in England. I can't help but wonder on those nights if life after this world will be like Narnia. I imagine Tumnus will be there to greet me if it is.

I hope someday the wardrobe will once again let me step back into Narnia. I only want to walk there one more time. Maybe I could even give Tumnus a proper goodbye if he's still there. Time in Narnia works much differently than time in England. Thousands of years could pass before I go back if I ever do. At least, I have the memories. And for now, I suppose that will have to do.