Hey, this is my first Degrassi fanfic, hope you guys enjoy it. Before I start I'd like to thank my bestie Shagen6 who helped write much of this chapter. You should check her page out, she loves Johnny and Allie.
"Oh my god," Jane whispered. Everything made sense, all of the memories came together forming the truth. Her mother's late shifts, Lucas watching T.V. whenever it was her bedtime, her pajamas, the pain. She was so young, she had no idea what was going on or how so stop it. When her father left she thought she would be able to forget and move on, she was so wrong.
Jane didn't know where to go; everything was too much; her brain was mush. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't stay at home and risk seeing his face; it was already in her nightmares. She ran out of the house, giving Lucas a quick excuse, she was about to break down and she didn't want it to be in front of her brother. He hated her right now, blinded by the love for his father. She continued running, ignoring the pleas from her legs to stop, they didn't matter, her entire body was numb. When she couldn't take it anymore she stopped and sat on a bench with a lost look in her eyes, like a child.
Jane pulled her hood up and laid down on the hard wood, pulling her feet to her chest, trying to make herself smaller, trying to disappear. There was a sick irony to this position; it was the same position Jane would be in when she tried to make her father stop. She starred out, trying to decipher her location. It was the park. The park she would walk through whenever she was headed toward Spinner's place. Spinner. Jane fought yet again to hold back the tears but this time she was unsuccessful.
"Talk to me Jane, please?"
"Fine, you know what, when you're ready to talk, you come find me!"
She had been so foolish to push him away; she needed him now more then she'd ever needed anyone. She reached into her coat pocket to find her phone, she pressed one and waited:
It was around midnight and Spinner was sitting in his apartment alone channel surfing in nothing but his boxers and a wife beater. It'd been a busy night at The Dot and he wanted nothing more then to lie down and rest. So when his girlfriend called, he knew something was up.
"Jane?"
"Spin…" Jane's voice cracked.
"Hey, hey, hey, what's the matter?" He asked softly while slipping his jeans and shirt back on.
"I…my dad…Lucas…I…" She couldn't finish the sentence before breaking down again.
"Jane? Jane. Listen to me. Where are you?"
"The park near the Dot." She managed.
"Okay, stay put, I'll be right over." He was about to hang up but spoke once more.
"Jane? I love you." With that he hung up and ran in the direction of the park.
It was odd for her to need him so badly. So was so used to being independent, fighting her own battles, something that Spinner had struggled with understanding. Still he respected her and took a back seat according to her wishes. She never expected to be in the position she was, crying her eyes out on a park bench not knowing what to do with herself. That's when she realized how lucky she was. She has pushed Spinner away so many times, and the second she stopped pushing he was there, ready to hold her.
She had worked so hard for this reputation, the tough girl, the one that didn't need anyone but herself. At that moment Jane realized that she needed to let Spinner in for good. What she needed right now was for him to take charge, hold her hand, comfort her, and assure her that everything would be alright. So when Jane spotted sight of a strong figure running to her in the distance she stood up and threw her arms around him grasping on for dear life.
They stood there for awhile as she let all the feelings she had kept inside cascade down her face. He'd kiss the side of her head or squeeze her a little tighter every once in a while but all she needed were his arms around her. Once the tears stopped Spinner pulled back to look at his girlfriend. He swept away the few remaining and looked into her eyes, his own filled with concern.
"We'll talk at home, kay?" He asked gently. She weakly nodded and arms intertwined they walked the small distance to Spinner's apartment.
When they got there, Spinner let go of Jane, disappeared into his bedroom and reappeared holding her favorite shirt of his and a pair of shorts. He handed them to her and kissed her forehead before she proceeded to go into his bedroom to change.
Meanwhile an exhausted Spinner fell onto his couch and thrust his hands through his hair. What could have happened to his girlfriend to make her so upset? He'd never seen her in such a fragile state, and in all honesty it scared him. Jane didn't just cry, and he could only imagine what had caused it.
"Spin?" A quite, defeated voice called from his bedroom. He quickly got up and walked into the room, sitting next to his girlfriend whom had already tucked herself in his bed. Her hair down, makeup off, and piercings removed she looked like a different person. He slung his arm around her and gently placed a peck on her lips.
"You ready?"
"For what?" She asked, trying to play dumb.
"To let me in."
She looked up at him, blinking back tears.
"I guess I have to be, don't I?" She attempted a laugh.
Spinner smiled. "Yup."
Jane took in a long breath. "Lucas said something, and it all came together. Why I hate having…him around. When I was younger, my dad would…well…" She choked back a sob.
Spinner pulled her closer. "What, what did he do?"
"Every night… he would tell me my pajamas were backwards." She paused.
"Come on Jane, keep going." Spinner urged.
"And he would…"
"He would what?" He asked, pushing a strand of hair out of her face.
"God, Spinner, I don't think I can do this." She turned her head away.
"Jane, c'mon Jane, look at me," Spinner gently placed his finger under her chin and tilted her head toward him. "You can do this. Trust me."
Jane shook her head and tried to face the other way but Spinner leaned in and softly brushed his lips across hers. She turned to him and buried her face in his shoulder.
"He would hurt me." She mumbled as tears rose in her eyes.
Spinner's eyes widened. "What?"
"He would hurt me!" She sobbed. "He would touch me!"
Jane pulled away from him and clasped a hand over her mouth. Trying to take the words back.
"Oh god." She whispered and tried to scramble out of the bed.
"Jane, no! Wait!" Spinner jumped out of bed and ran after her. He grabbed her around the waist, turning her to face him.
"Please Spinner! Just let me go!"
"No Jane, not this time."
She began to cry even harder and struggled against his firm grasp, but that only made him hold on tighter. She pounded her fists against his chest in a weak attempt to break herself free.
"Spin, please, just-let-go!" She screamed.
She struggled for a few more moments but then she grew limp in his arms and sagged toward the floor exhausted, letting the tears fall.
"It's okay Jane, it's okay," Spinner whispered in her ear. "Come on," He lifted her into his arms and carried her back to his room, lying her on the bed and pulling the covers over her motionless body. "Just try to sleep, if you need me, I'll be on the couch." He leaned over her and kissed her forehead before turning off the light and quietly closing the door.
Jane closed her eyes, but whenever she did, images of her father flashed before them. His deep voice, his rough hands, her small, trembling body played like a silent film over and over.
She pulled the blankets over her head and curled up into a ball, listening to the sound of her ragged breath.
'It's okay, I'm at Spinner's. He's far away.' She thought, squeezing her eyes shut. 'It's okay, I'm at Spinner's. He's far away.' Jane repeated this mantra until she fell into an uneasy sleep.
Oh Janie-bear, your pajamas are backwards, don't worry, daddy will fix them. His hands felt around the top of her pants.
"No… daddy." Jane protested.
"It's okay, Janie-bear, just close your eyes."
"No! Don't! Mom! Lucas! SPINNER!" Jane cried.
Then all she felt was pain. Excruciating pain. She yelled, screamed and kicked, trying to make it stop.
Then it was over. Her dad had vanished; in his place was Spinner who stood over her.
"Spinner… please."
"I can't believe you." A look of pure disgust graced his features.
"No, Spinner, it's not my fault-"
"Yes, it is," he cut her off. "If you really loved me you wouldn't let him do this to you."
"No…"
"You're disgusting Jane, you were probably asking for it."
"Spinner, no please, I love you, don't leave!"
"You're nothing but a slut."
Jane let out a sob and felt a pair of hands grip her shoulders. It was her dad. He was back.
"Jane."
"No!"
"Jane."
"Stop. STOP!"
"Jane!"
Her eyes snapped open to see Spinner's worried face inches above hers.
"I'm here Jane, it was just a dream." He explained, relief washing over his face as he realized she was up.
"It was so real Spinner, I could feel everything."
"It was just a bad dream." He repeated, stroking her hair.
"Are you mad at me?" She suddenly asked.
"Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you Jane?" He asked, bewildered.
"For what happened! I let him take it, I let him have me, I-I didn't stop him, I'm supposed to be yours, I-" Spinner shook his head furiously.
"Jane, none of it was your fault. He's sick; you're still mine he didn't take anything!"
"Prove it to me." She said and then leaped forward and pressed her lips against his. He tried to pull away but her hand shot out and grasped his shirt, pulling him closer.
He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed away. "Jane, what are you doing?"
"Please, just do this for me," She begged, reaching down to his belt buckle.
"I need to do this, Spinner. I need to show you that I'm yours, that every part of me is yours and only yours." She leaned up and kissed him again harshly and he once more pushed her away.
"We are not going to do this Jane, not now." He stated, trying to be as firm yet gentle as he possibly could.
"You don't want me." Jane gasped, wide eyed at the realization, "H-he got to me first and now you don't want me!" Spinner didn't know what else to do. He jolted foreword and silenced her with a brief yet passionate kiss which sent Jane's head spinning. Spinner abruptly pulled back:
"Jane, I do want you, ohhh do I ever want you." He almost smiled at the blunt truth,
"But right now, right here, it's not the right time. You're upset, you're hurting and I would be a complete jackass to take advantage of you like that. What your dad did means nothing, you're still mine Jane and I love you, all of you." His look was sincere but pleading.
Jane seemed to snap out of her reverie and back to reality when she heard those words.
"Oh God, Spin, I'm so sorry." She whispered hugging him, a few loose tears falling; she weakly laughed trying to erase them.
"Wow, look at me, I'm a mess." Spinner shook his head and kissed her shoulder lovingly.
"It's okay Jane, just rest. You can sleep in; I'll deal with your mom tomorrow, my student leader deserves a day off." He offered with a smile.
On his way out the door she called out to him. "Spin… do you think you could stay?"
"You sure?" He approached cautiously.
"I don't want to be alone." She confessed.
He climbed into bed without a second thought, wrapping his arms around her waist while she laid her head on his chest.
"Now try and go to sleep, and no more nightmares." He kissed the top of her head.
She gave a small smile. "And Spin?"
"Yeah?" He mumbled into her hair.
"Thank you."
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