Lovino covers his mouth and an inaudible whisper escaped his lips, "No...Please not him..."

This was the thing he had dreaded most. He knew something was wrong, he knew something was off about him. But this? This is what his cheerful little brother thinks about himself?

"Oh Dio... Help him..."

...oOo...

It had been a normal day. He got off of work at seven, after being yelled at by his boss and being harassed by Antonio for a while, he went home. When Lovino arrived at the door he was greeted with a hug from Feliciano. Lovino barely returned the hug and mutter some mild insult. He tried not to be too harsh with his brother, in his own way he really held him dear to his heart, but showing his love was not something he did often. As much as he did love his little brother, he learned long ago with Antonio not to show his real feeling. (Maybe if he had things would have been a little different.)

"I'm so glad you're home! How was work?" Feliciano gave him a cheery smile.

Lovino just grunted in response. His brother didn't need to know how things in the Mafia were going, the less he knew the safer he'd be.

The slightly smaller male pouted but didn't press. He didn't want to aggravate his tired brother.

"What's for dinner?" Lovino glanced around to make sure nothing had changed from this morning when he left.

That bright smile he was known for appeared on his lips again. "I made pasta!"

Lovino couldn't help but feel a small smile tug at his own lips. Feliciano always could make he smile easily. "That sounds good."

"And I made extra sauce just the way you like it," he bounced on his toes, so full of energy.

"Then let's eat." He leads him to the dinner table. Feliciano served the food as he did every night.

As they began to eat, Lovino couldn't help but look over at Feliciano. Something's different... His eyes widened as he realized how true that statement was. Has something changed...? Why does something feel so wrong? He observed Feliciano quietly, trying to find the origin of this wrongness but his pride keeps him from asking outright.

"Fratello... You're creeping me out." Feliciano whined, fidgeting from his staring. "Stop looking at me like that."

Lovino blinked, unaware that he was staring, and averted his eyes. "I'm not staring. You're seeing things." But out of the corner of his eye he saw Feliciano tug at the sleeve of his long-sleeve shirt nervously.

"So how was Antonio today?" Feliciano changed the subject.

Lovino growled, "The fucking bastard wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. The damn asshole." The thought of the Spaniard made his short temper even shorter.

"Ah! I'm sorry! Forget I asked!" Feliciano waved his flag.

He sighed, suddenly tired. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

The rest of their dinner continued in a comfortable silence. Lovino didn't ask any questions about his day, he never did. And Feliciano didn't have anymore questions to ask. After dinner, Lovino took up the book he was reading the night before and Feliciano started on another picture to sell at the market. The brothers didn't really know much about each others lives, Lovino never asked about Feliciano's day and wasn't able to tell him about his, so they remained in ignorance of each other. The knew each other very well together but when apart they were complete strangers. (Maybe if they had taken time to know each other, things would be different.)

"Can I tell you something?" Feliciano asked hesitantly from his place in front of his canvas.

"What is it?" Lovino looked up from his book.

Feliciano, losing his nerve, stammered, "N-Never mind! You can go back to reading."

Lovino frowned. "Tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

Lovino sighed softly, worried by his brother's behavior. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

Feliciano fell silent, weighing his brother's words. "I...I tried to kill myself..."

A tense silence filled the room. "What...?" Lovino stared at him, horrified.

"I've only tried a few times..."

Lovino tried to keep his voice steady. "Why would you...try to do that to yourself...?"

"I feel that I'm in the way...That I'm not needed..."

"What?! How can you feel that?!" Lovino couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Feliciano replied in a small voice, "It's just how I feel..."

"...How long have you felt like this...?"

"Since...since Nonno died..."

Lovino looked away, it had been tough of the both of them since their grandfather died and they were taken to different foster families. They've only been able to live together for a few years now, but they still haven't been able to fill those years they spent apart from each other. The secrets and half-truths haven't helped anything, but what could they do?

"I'll...I'll go to bed now..." Feliciano quietly went to his bedroom and closed the door, locking it behind him.

Lovino sat in silence before retiring to his own room. When he locked the door behind himself, he sank down with his back against the door. He covered his hand with a shaky hand.

"No...God no... Not him, not Feliciano..." Hot tears pressed against the back of his eyes. It wasn't suppose to be like this, Feliciano was the happy one. He's the one that is supposed to smile. How could he not realize how much he meant to Lovino, he would die for him! Tears slip down his cheeks. Feliciano didn't deserve this... How Lovino wished he could switch place, how he wished he make sure his dear brother could smile forever...How he wished...

"Oh Dio...Help him..." He slowly climbed into bed and fell into a troubled sleep. Nightmares troubled him more than they did most nights. And in the morning he felt as if it had been a dream... He wished it had been a dream...


This had been my first story like this. I'm not sure how good it is, but please review and let me know.

-Windy